Man, this is a great post on this boobquake silliness. The booty shorts I wore with writing across my bottom that shocked my mother aren't helping Iranian women at all. They aren't any freer because of my immodest dress. What is helping Iranian women is their own efforts and hard work. Iranian clerics are an easy target, but maybe we should work hard to fight Islamophobia here, which is much harder than wearing clothing we would have worn anyway....

Jay Sennett expands on the theme of loving your body powerfully.

BTW: Hell yeah! Being black ain't a sin, being a woman ain't a sin. I REFUSE TO APOLOGIZE!

Despite some problems with this article[it just has a sort of looking down on the third world tone], it's important to know about the rapes of nuns in Asia and Africa.

On a lighter note, yuck. A list of gendered expectations paired with some illustrations.

How do they rate huge salaries for doing this again? While people working like a dog all day get $8 an hour!

What is this shit? Not only is it fatphobic[a perfectly attractive fat woman is apparently a 'lower number'. and what's with this combs break on my hair nonsense? You busting on our hair texture, dude?], ok, ok, reading further, this shit is complete patriarchy filled nonsense! A respectful attitude, my ass! Where are the quizzes to show if a black man is marriageable? What's with the assumption that if you were worthy, you'd be 'wifed up'? And what's with this old fashioned christmas cake ass, OMG, you're over 30 that's a strike, mess?

Where are the posts telling black men to step up and support their kids, instead of treating having a kid as a strike against a woman? What are the posts telling black men that domestic violence makes you unmarriageable?[it's certainly a factor in the break up of many relationships] Shit, where are the posts telling men to get to the gym? This whole thing is such a bunch of sexist twaddle!

The most beautiful post about birthing a new feminism.

Women struggle with various things. Personally I don't like women are like this and men are like that, since I end up being in the woman pile doing stuff I don't like, while sighing enviously at the men pile which looks like fun.

ETA: I don't like the narrative that women shouldn't be 'insecure'... It rubs me the wrong way, like one is blaming oneself for other people's behavior. Like it's an internalization of the idea that men can't change their behavior, so women should just be along for the ride, trying to reshape themselves so they are 'fun' and not 'insecure'.

I probably should trigger warn more, but I am lazy. I agree with trigger warnings, as I don't really want to harm anyone's mental health with my terrible bloggy writings. If your mental health has been injured by my writings, I apologize. Of course, that's no help.

The work of performing femininity is acknowledged by white feminist Amanda Marcotte. I bet she'll get a bunch of BUT IT'S SUUUUPER DUPER FUNSIES in response.

The work of performing femininity is very obvious to me because I am so very bad at it. It requires a sort of detail orientation that I am not good at and also fine motor coordination and the remembering of rules that make no sense whatsoever. And the rules are all different. Like old people think you should wear stockings, but stockings have various rules like what shoes and skirts you can wear them with, and they tear up, and then there's some other random rule about matching things, and anyway, it's all a confusing ball of weirdness that makes no sense. It's like the offsides rule or the infield fly rule, both of which I think probably exist. That's how arcane and absurd the rules are.

I am sadly not sold on the idea of hyper fun femininity to blow the old repressive femininity out of the water. I think that instead of folks saying "Yea, break out of those gender roles, baby", it'll be "Why aren't you like those good proper feminine women? They aren't angry harpies like you."[don't worry, the second those good feminine women open their mouths, they are evil harpies too]. But they'll be hurt by being used as sticks to beat the rest of us with.

Bareback porn[pretty common in het too] is risky for performers. It's not censorship to say hey, this stuff is unsafe for the participants. People always jump to OMG, YOU'RE GOING TO BAN IT to avoid critically thinking about whether dangerous pornography is good for our communities and our society.

BTW: A hate of lolis is not like the Holocaust. LOL.

...Underarms. Magazine editors are against women having underarms.

Maybe body hair is 'unfeminine'. It's not demure, it's not submissive, it exists for itself. Maybe we should explode the concept of feminine, and kick its ass.

The blogdiva is breaking up with twitter. Twitter enables my ADD- you may notice that many of my blog posts are link spams or otherwise very short. This is because I like to gather things and show them, but I don't like to talk at really long length. I just like to talk a lot, if you can get the difference.

Black feminist womanistmusings' son is racially oppressed at school. She is NOT PLEASED.

Of course, instead of making it possible for people to live a balanced life, we'll instead complain about why folks aren't 'making better choices'

Conservatives compare themselves to blacks, so they can pretend to oppression, while denying our real oppression

Reactionary anti immigrant law may increase oppression of our latino brothers and sisters.

A good really, white feminists post.

and tea partiers, we call you racist, because we love y'all at base. We don't want you to go around, actually being racist, which is worse than being called racist- a thousand times worse!- so we call you on it. With love.

That's great for you, dude, now about the children being raped... Sadly, it's tough to balance the needs of everyone who is a sex worker. Folks who are on the Maslow heirarchy of needs tippy top 'worried about our sexual expression' and folks who are on the bottom "I am desperate for food, and shelter and am trading sex for the two' or "I was told I would be able to get a decent job, but here I am, with my visa taken away'. I'm not sure how both their needs can be met.

Dude said gad about on the byways seriously.

Some children get into a fight at school. People make a whole lot of unnesscary comments that aren't helping in the least. No one's going to execute children for fighting, so that suggesstion is useless. Homeschooling isn't a viaable option for many mothers, so that's out. And the kids ain't moving, so that's out. Folks just aren't helping!

I have a different spin on the black male marriage crisis(TM). You guessed it- it's male privilege. Men are socialized to believe they are a prize, despite their actual qualities, while women are socialized to think that if they aren't in a relationship, it's something they are doing wrong. Men are told 'if you're not married, it's the women's fault- their standards are too high, they are too slutty, etc,etc." And like most human beings, they are going to take that out!

So, black men, this is how you can increase your marriageability. Don't buy into toxic masculinity. Being a decent human being isn't woman's work, it's everyone's work. Use a condom. The more kids you have by different women, the less your marriageability is. Trust me on this. And remember- monogamy. Unless you work out some sort of deal, monogamy is the default. Also, train your mind. Read a book once in a while, really, it's sexy. Speaking of sex, it's not just about you. Make sure your partner feels good too, and is enthusiastically consenting.

Oh NO, HAIRY LEGS! WHAT IF A MAN DON'T WANT YOU!!1 NOOOO!!!! And one of the comment writers might be right that the beauty standard has gotten more narrow. Backlash, anyone?

Here's a nice article, ripped straight from the movies, implying that we women need to be desperate for a man. Really, if I was a man who was as much of a prize as folks say, worthy of marriage and long term committment, I wouldn't mind a woman who realizes that just breathing and not being an axe murderer isn't all that is required to be a husband, and possibly, a father. Folks are trying to stick a woman with anybody, and when it doesn't work out, because they simply weren't compatible, they complain she's a single mother.

I don't remember who said this, but someone said that folks want us women checked off- married, check, babies, check, without really thinking about say, whether the two people involved can really stand each other for years on end, or whether their living situations and preferences really mesh. People act like you should give a man you want to marry less scrutiny than a room mate. No, give him more scrutiny. He should be a man of integrity, decency, and a man with your same values. If you don't love him, don't marry him. If you don't like him, don't date him. If you don't want to screw him, don't hook up with him. Really, folks.

Procrastination Monday!

A good piece on rape culture! Folks will act like anything is consent, but only consent is consent. i.e. nudity ain't consent, eating expensive dinners ain't consent, existing in the same room as a man ain't consent, short skirts ain't consent...

We were told to get an education and play by the rules, now all we got is debt. Of course, for every celebrity that's getting paid, there's a thousand folks making a fool of themselves on tv for nothing.

Blergh, the same ol' one woman carps about femininity culture, and that's totally the same as the entire weight of the culture bullshit.

Old white dudes, you don't need to forward every email you see. No one needs to know you're a racist. Keep that to yourself.

Men bored with porn, start wanking it to facebook.

This happy black woman doesn't want to be some man's imaginary perfect wifey. She wants to be herself.

Man, someone is saying my critique of porn in a really intelligent manner! And no, our young boys are NOT watching Lesbian Feminist Orgasmic Divas no matter how much we wish they were.

They are also not looking at this SFW gallery of transmen, genderqueers and studs.

We've been hearing about racial resentment. But what is it? I've prepared a useful and somewhat humorous quiz with examples ripped from real life about how white folks can tell if they are racially resentful or not.

1)You can't get a job in your chosen field. What do you think causes this?

A)I don't have enough experience/education.
B)There's a bad economy and people are reluctant to hire.
C)I don't interview well.
D)Minorities took all the jobs because of preferential hiring!

2)You don't get into your first choice college. What do you think?

A)If only I had better scores/more extracurriculars!
B)Overachievers took all the spots! If only I had did more work and smoked less pot.
C)Maybe I shouldn't have applied to Harvard. Oh well, off to Southwest Community College!
D)Minorities took all the spots!

3)You're in college, and you see a group of people of color at a table. Maybe they are black, maybe it's a table of South Asians. What do you think/do?

A)That lunch looks really gross. What slop are they feeding us?
B)Hey, I think that girl is in my English 101 class!
C)They look like they are having fun.
D)Time to write an editorial about how self segregation is ripping our campus apart.

4)You see a flyer for an NAACP meeting. What do you think?

A)You think about attending.
B)You think that you're really hungry and need some dinner.
C)You think about going to a meeting of whatever your preferred political group is.
D)You think about how if there was a NAAWP everyone'd call it racist,blah,blah.

5)A local school bans confederate flags on campus. What do you think?

A)Who carries Confederate flags anyway?
B)Schools have rules for a reason.
C)Eh, whatever. Only racists and idiots wear those anyway.
D)How dare they discriminate against white Southerners! They let blacks wear FUBU!

6)You hear a foreign language in the library. What do you think?

A)There's a lot of diversity in our area.
B)You wonder if you can learn another language.
C)You try to see if you can understand what they are saying.
D)You complain to the librarian and anyone in earshot about how in America you should speak English.

7)You read a news story about a crime in your area, committed by a person of color. What do you think?

A)What a terrible crime!
B)I feel sorry for the victims!
C)Maybe our criminal justice system is inequitable.
D)If it wasn't for all that welfare we give them, they'd have two parent families, and there wouldn't be any crime!

8)You have to pay taxes to the gov't. What do you think?

A)Well, death and taxes...
B)Ergh, maybe I should have tried to get more deductions...
C)We spend too much money on our war machine. Peace now, man.
D)I hate all those folks living off my tax dollars, while they are all popping out ten babies, etc,etc.

9)You see a woman of color with several children, buying food you disapprove of in the super market. What do you think?

A)Well, to each her own...
B)If only people knew about my superior food choices!
C)You think about the times you have made food choices others disapprove of.
D)You stew about how she's using YOUR TAX DOLLARS to eat food you don't approve of, and has too many kids besides.

10)A political figure is called out for saying something racist.What do you think?

A)How embarrassing. I hope people don't think all white folks talk like that.
B)What a dumbass.
C)Politicians are always saying something dumb.
D)If you reversed the races, it would be just fine! Everyone's always talking bad about white folks.

If you picked mostly Ds, you're probably racially resentful. Congrats! Yes, I realize this is a very middle class biased quiz.

Fun Feminism should also be connected to the fact that every single feminist blogger is somehow near required to talk about how she is traditionally feminine and pretty, etc. She is not scary or threatening or masculine or angry. She is sweet, soft, and pink in pumps. And sadly, no, sleeping with tons of random men will not bring down the patriarchy. Hopefully, if you slept with the right random men, you'll have orgasms. And personally, I think you should all use a condom.

Personally I think fun feminism is a result of feminist backlash. Women MUST be feminine- the existence of women who aren't feminine is downplayed and demonized. And of course, we must minimize the time and effort femininity takes. It takes me only 5 minutes to put my face on! Shaving 3/4s of my body surface area is as simple as dude shaving only his face! It's non threatening to be 'fun'. But the sad part is that no matter how 'fun' you are, when you actually start going into the feminism part, you're a bitch, no matter how feminine you are.

So I like to skip the extra work and go for what I know.

I'm sure a lot of people will be bitching because half don't pay income tax. It never occurs to them that say, those people pay other taxes or the fact that their own tax bitching is why we constantly cut taxes here. Noooo! And dudes, just because you work doesn't mean you'll get a decent job. Even if you went to college, you probably won't be able to get work at all in this economy. And if you drove to your job on a public road, went to a public college, or a public school, ate food that was subject to public laws on not being contaminated, etc,etc, you got help from the government, so STFU. And if you're a poor innocent white male, get off your ass, go to fastweb and look for scholarships. Stop bitching. And yes, sometimes people have children. Even poor people. Suck it up. Why? Because those children, those poor, are part of our nation too.

One nation, indivisible. That includes everyone.

......I'm in shock and horror. D: D: DX

Dude, it's not about oh, those poor students, it's about professionalism. Professors are employees. It'll eventually get out that Prof A is banging a student, which is not going to go over well with the other students. People will believe that the student is getting special favors or the professor might be seen as a scumbag who is taking advantage of a perceived power differential. It's like the rule that lawyers and clients, pastors and parishioners, counselors and clients , doctors and patients don't get romantically entangled- it's not about ruining people's sex lives, it's about being a professional, and understanding ethical issues.

This goes back to a theme that you have all noticed in my posts. Sex is great, but common sense is important too. Boning the hot undergrad in your colleague's Chem 101 class is way way more trouble than it's worth, and yes, sometimes we need policies for those who don't have the sense to think about what's going to happen after they finish.

I don't agree with this folks want a pill because other treatments are work. Cognitive therapy costs cash- and it used to be that mental health was considered second class on many insurance plans so people could not access therapy. Exercise classes are also an expense, and not everyone lives in a neighborhood that is good for exercising. Some may be shamed from exercising as well.

Personally I think if you're working someplace over 15 hours a week, they should pay you because if you're working 30, 40, 50 hours a week that interferes with the ability of most people[I don't mean you who works 120 hours a week yet somehow has the time to be morally superior] to get another job to support themselves.

Is it illegal to make folks work for free in order to graduate school?[in some fields internships are required. And they are almost all unpaid].

Dude, Cohen has sense. He knows that most of his district is not comprised of tea baggers, and many folks are pretty suspicious of their motives. For example, many of us are black, and have the good sense to realize that they weren't worried about the constitution or the deficit when a white dude was running up the credit card with two wars, and saying that it's cool to torture people. Many others have the sense to realize that rich leaders of corporations wouldn't pee on them if they were on fire. Even if they have the same skin color, profits are more important to those folks than people.

Weaksauce from Broadsheet. Whenever we criticize 'art' whether it be pornos, reality tv or video games, we are performing moral and political criticism on fantasy lives. I adore Final Fantasy 13, but I acknowledge that part of my enjoyment is the fantasy of running around hitting people and strange machines with swords with no consequences besides possible world saving. That's a fantasy- part of a fantasy life. But people rightfully criticize Final Fantasy 13. They might say "There should be more people of color in games like this" or "I think the enshrinement of violence in video games is bad for our society".

And we even do criticize 'romance'. The reason why romance novels have moved away from the rapey rapey model apparenty is that people started critizing and saying "really, I don't think she'd fall in love with her rapist. I think she'd actually be quite upset!". I myself love manga, but even though every manga starts as an author's daydream, it doesn't stay that way. So that means that I don't have to refrain from"What? Did a little rape and the love of a good woman just redeem that hottie? Screw that!" No, saying that is what moves our culture forward. The first person to call bullshit is the first person to create a new era.

Young people wise up to the fact that working your ass to the bone is not going to get them any rewards Of course, 18 year olds working at a pizza place are not going to be the touchstone of responsibility, but older millennials like myself are pretty sensible about work-life balance. We don't live in a bubble, and we've seen how companies have treated older people. If a company can lay off a person with 20 years of 60 hour weeks just like that, what are they going to do to someone who has been on the job a year?

And who makes the decisions in the workplace? Is a woman or a man taking some time to say, actually spend time with their children a bad worker or just a good human being? People who work to live instead of living to work might be able to bring innovation and new thinking into the workplace. Do we really need to have three hour meeting every Friday? Can some tasks be streamlined?

Instead of worrying about our 'moral character', let's be pragmatic and make life livable for everyone.

People who spread private sexual pictures of people without their consent are douchebags.

The comments here are sad. A few people are constructive, noting that children need fun activities, but many act like we should lock all children from ages 10 to 21 in the workhouse! When children go to the library, folks complain. When they go to the zoo, they complain. Man, it's like they really hate black children! The problem is that being a shitstain full of disdain for children who behave in any ways that are different from the documentary Leave it to Beaver is that it's tough to reach the youth that way.

I think people like that have given into a despair, and a nihilism that is the mirror of the nihilism and despair that some of our criminals show. By saying "it's just those bad teens who choose to be thugs", they not only other our teens, cutting them out of community, but also cut them out of our ability to make things better.

You don't have to be a parent to make life better for a child. Maybe it's by pursuing policies that make it easier for mothers, fathers, grandparents and other people raising children. Maybe it's by volunteering. Maybe it's merely encouraging your church or community center to have extra programs for the kids that aren't little and cute. But don't give up- children are part of this community too.

trigger warning:

27 men and 1 teenage girl should be ashamed of themselves. Who 'buys' that sort of 'service'?
"Yea, you can rape my 7 year old sister!" "Oh yea! I'll totally do that instead of calling the police or at least someone I know who can stop this from happening!"

Also, college women are not believed when raped. Remember: if she's so drunk she's blacking out, don't sleep with her. You'll be a rapist. Do you want that? Probably not.

Adulthood hits fun feminists with a bang. The sadness of adulthood[a state of mind, not an age, although with age adulthood often follows] is realizing that you're not alone and special in society, but instead you're informed and changed by society. You start to realize that sadly, people are in fact, just looking at your ass, not your amazing feminist ideals, and that's not actually a compliment. The actual reason why fun feminism is so popular in commercial culture is because it doesn't actually require change. It's pretty similar to the reason why 'complaining about the family structure of other people' has become pretty much the only political activism we see here in the south, except for 'bitching about taxes'.

Of course, fun feminism is at least well meant, while acting like all social ills would be solved if only those single mothers would get married corrodes society by blaming women who didn't do anything wrong, and isn't helpful at all, because the single mothers aren't married for perfectly good reasons[child's father is an ass, abusive, etc]. And bitching about taxes drains money from common goods, which makes every thing worse for everybody, except for a few.

These folks mean well, but the awareness model isn't going to push this crap back. Partying against sex trafficking is like playing video games against sex trafficking fun and all, but unless we attack the poverty, lack of options and the idea that women's bodies are worthless playgrounds for the sexual appetites of people who need to be ashamed of themselves, nothing will change.

Entitlement is when you think you deserve to spend $2000 in a bondage bar while people die for lack of the healthcare you're so against them having.

I love this defense of wackjobbery from the right. There's LIBERAL MOVIES INFLUENCING PEOPLE TO KILL! so prominent right wing figures acting badly don't count.

I am reading Guyland. It has some good insights about how frustrated entitlement contributes to a toxic homosocial culture of male bonding. I especially liked his insights about the desire to delay adulthood[many women also want to delay adulthood but don't have the social space. There's no boys will be boys for women.], to recapture that imaginary space where white men ruled all and they didn't have to do 'politically correct' things like respect women or not bash gays, and also, that some guys are fools, if they think that bangbus is real and that they can really 'score' with those hot girls on campus with their neckbeards and pre middle age paunch.

He does mix a few things up- the state of video games has now far advanced beyond Lara Croft, although GTA is still popular. He also fails to measure the popularity of casual gaming, althoug that sort of gaming is not considered real gaming as it is not gendered masculine. I note that what gaming is considered masculine has changed over the years. RPGs are now unisex or slightly feminine, but they used to be masculine. Family games like Mario and Zelda are now unisex, not just for boys.

Also, while porn does encourage a phalliocentric and predatory sexuality, many men don't have that sexuality as a default. I was also amused that dude had to say I LOVE SPORTS. I think it's like feminists are now all required to say they love makeup and high heels. He also did focus too much on marriage and children as a marker of adulthood. We have too many children already, and anyway, a man who goes around impregnating women without taking care of his kids is more of a boy than anyone who hooks up but is responsible about it.

The attempt to water down feminism has gotten so bad that now people have to say that no, some violent extremist lady is not a feminist, just a violent extremist. And don't tar the crazy with the violent extremist brush. The majority of the crazy have nothing to do with this sort of crap.

Today's complaint about the commercial appeal will be a mockery of a dumb letter to the editor. Stupid letter in bold.

Count on it. Every few weeks some white guy will make a dumb, insensitive remark about a black person. Count on this, also: Every few weeks Otis L. Sanford, your editor for opinion and editorials, will jump on these remarks and hint conspiratorially that whites have hardly moved out of the primeval slime of racism.

For the uninitiated, Otis Sanford is black. This may or may not matter. If something happens every few weeks, I can see why folks would still see a continuing problem with it. If I called the letter writer a dude with a very small penis every few weeks, you probably would not think "Man, Shannon has moved beyond her insulting people problem!" No, it would be, what's with her that she is constantly insulting the size of dude's organ?"


Since Sanford seems to have some general background feeling that he knows that most white people are still in the grips of racism, it would be interesting to ask him to name specific white people, other than politicians, that he knows to be racist. Perhaps as an expert on race, he could name, say, three dozen people right off the top of his head, but I think most of us would be hard-pressed to name even two or three of the opposite race who we know to be racists.

What's with this mess? I think the problem here is that we have different definitions of racists. Maybe this guy means dude with pointy hood, but I mean those people who are always calling people thugs and animals, making fun of how black people speak, and those folks who constantly defend racist idiots.


Of all the black people I have ongoing relationships with, I can't name a single one who seems to have any obvious objection to the fact that my skin is white, and I can't think of a single black person I know personally whose skin color is more than a trivial visual property to me. So I am inclined to wonder if these dumb remarks people make arise out of the vestiges of former mental attitudes rather being actual determinants for ongoing relationships.

LOLZ, he has BLACK FRIENDS!!! But seriously dude, why do you expect your 'black friends'- probably the post man and the dude at the desk across from you, to say? "Hey, dude! You're a whitey! LOLZ!"? And those former mental attitudes still hurt. When teabaggers call folks the n word, when folks hang nooses on campuses and make up outrageous lies about how they somehow are smart enough to go to college, yet so dumb they wouldn't think noose=symbol of hanging=bad idea even if I don't know racial history, it hurts people! A lot.

Sanford likes to drag out his favorite, time-worn, phrase that we -- meaning only whites, of course -- have a long way to go. Sanford might find it productive to spend a little honest effort examining the proofs of his dogma. He might discover that he's not really as expert on racism as he claims to be. If he keeps an open mind, he might even find out that he has almost as far to go as most of the rest of us.

This comes across as whining because some white folks might have to change their ways. If folks spent as much time actually changing their ways as they did about people saying 'hey, maybe you should', we'd live in a racial utopia.

I read We've Got Issues, and really liked how Warner portrayed her journey from believing in the secular liberal version of 'those kids just need a spanking and some prayer' to realizing that very few people actually give their children pills just for the fun of it. People think that mental disorders are fun, lovable quirks. No, a quirky child does not fall into deep depressions where the parents live in fear that the child will harm themselves, a quirky child does not set intentional fires, a quirky child does not injure themselves intentionally so badly that they are rushed to the hospital!

We're in denial that children have mental health issues, and with that denial, better care, care that keeps children at home, less restrictive care, is being denied to children that need it.

There's a lot of arguing about hipsters on food stamps. You know, I like being one of the middle class with a bad attitude. When folks who made millions off of betting are still living large, what's the point of begrudging someone a rabbit? A lot of people are having difficulty getting work, and a lot of work doesn't actually pay enough for say...crazy things like food. Let's say you can only get 24 hours a week at Target. At 7.50$ an hour, that's $720 a month. So in many areas, you could [possibly] pay the rent, but pretty much anything else would be extra.

If you ate shitty food, you'd probably also be at risk for some illnesses, which would put you back even more. I agree with the folks who say these hipsters will pay a lot more back into the system than we're spending on their organic black bean tacos. I think that not only do people who don't make much have inherent human value, that a lot of value is undercounted.

Maybe we should invest in people on the bottom. Those organic rabbit buying 'kids' give jobs to the cashier, the people in charge of meat processing, the truck driver, etc. What are those fat cats doing with their bonuses? I'm not seeing it circulate.

And I think a lot of people forgot that young folks were encouraged to go to college, and yes, a lot of young people weren't able to be in the most 'useful' majors- not everyone has the ability to be an engineer, and anyway, if everyone has an engineer, there wouldn't be enough jobs for all of them. BTW: please don't throw every single person into retail! That sort of thing is why I needed to explain to a guy at a crafts store that that thing there is a seam ripper, and that I own one.

I also don't think we'd be working any less if we stopped giving these kids their $200 for their bean tacos.

Personally, I think a separate school police force would be too expensive and open a can of legal worms. We also need to be tough on sexual harassment in our schools.

I wonder if we think that women who are feminine, and interested in performing sexuality instead of not performing it are more delicate than the rest of us. We're always concerned about their feelings, but ignore the prude and non feminine woman shaming that is pervasive in our culture. BTW, linking to MS. And it's only some heterosexual men who enjoy the current porn paradigm of 'sex', either.

In response to idiots like this, we shouldn't insist that we're pretty, we shave, we know how to cook! Instead it's not important whether we're pretty, shave or know how to cook, we deserve rights anyway! And if we don't do whatever dumbfuckery the 21st century makes up that women gotta do, we're still valuable people. We're not decorations or wombs or whatever else!


Also, on why blaming celibacy or gayness for child rape is wrong. I agree- answering strange ads on craigslist about NSA sex would be breaking one's vows, but child rape also breaks the vows, and is harmful to the child as well. Someone who was concerned only about sexual release could masturbate or gain a willing partner- only a total slimeball would rape a kid.

Oddly, my dreamscapes repeat. My undergrad college used to be a castle with a garden outside, but now it has a beach on the far side of campus. Once in my dreams, I was in the town near the beach alone, but someone from college saw me, and sent people after me to take me back. Today's dream involved me going to a job interview on a unit in a mental institution with oddly gothic[like churches, not like people wearing black and stuff] architecture. Everyone from my program was there, even though everyone had jobs but me. The unit was all children and adolescents. They were all black and brown, now that I think about it. The parking lot was enclosed with walls and the inmates were running around in the asylum...

Yes, this post has no point. It's just more about my ordinary uninteresting life. In real life, I tend to obsessively document my boring life. Then again, I like to collect things, and organize them obsessively too. I collect information and sort it. This compulsiveness is probably really odd, but I guess it takes all kinds to make a world.

As a terrible person, who hates decency, I really don't care that a few folks are eating SALMON with food stamps. You know why? People always say WE'RE BUSTING OUR ASSES AND THESE PEOPLE ARE EATING DELICIOUS SALMON! But are there really any jobs for these folks to bust their asses at? According to the rules, they have convinced someone to actually give them 20 hours a week of work, and they probably are doing the hell that is job hunting[so, this job wants an enthusiastic, energetic person with 10 years of experience and it pays....9 BUCKS PER HOUR?! Oh, this job looks good! You only need three years of experience...THEY WANT YOU TO PAY THEM TO WORK THERE?!] so I'm sure they are suffering enough, even though I'm not sure why we need people to suffer so we can feel better about our pathetic and petty lives, but hey, whatever.

Shhh! Before folks get wind and we're all expected to have shiny crystals in our labia! I agree with the being masculine is about not doing stuff. As a slacker, I'm totally jealous! Playing video games, being sloppy, wearing shoes with room for your toes, not shaving 3/4s of your body area... *siiigh* Even though I'm not a man, I have totally embraced that lifestyle... Even wearing a dress feels like drag to me. A cheaper lifestyle with less work... *daydreams for the rest of the day*



BTW: I just bought an Xbox 360 for 165$. Compare that to weird vag things.

And awesome,eh? eh?

I don't think that women who wear 'gaudy' outfits are 'dirty laundry'. Their aesthetic is different than mine, but they are still part of our community.

Street harassment leads to death of woman. People still make excuses for it. There's no excuse! Stop it!

Entitled guys who should be ashamed of themselves cause nurses to protest "OUR JOBS DO NOT INCLUDE YOU GETTING OFF"

Man, this guy's dogwhistles are so loud that I bet you could hear them down in Mississippi.

Bust discusses Whip Smart and Terry Gross. I heard the interview, and thought "well, I wouldn't want to be the actress in someone else's play", but I can understand why Terry Gross might not be conversant with our space age understandings of sex work. Not everyone travels in our circles.

"If wealth was based on hard work, African-Americans would be the wealthiest people in our nation," she said. "It's not about behavior. It's about government policies. Who does the government help and who is it not helping?

"Our government knows how to build wealth for people. They've done it for others and they can do it for all of us. They need to focus some attention on women of color. Look at the situation and see what we need."

From this article.

Epic bra wearing!

The inconvenience of shaving is noted, and the fact that a man won't die if he gets one tiny pube caught in his throat.

Does porn make young men into 2d fetishists? Ok, this post is out of the addtheater ghetto, I'll have to explain what a 2d fetish is. A 2d fetish is when a person is drawn only to girls from anime, manga, or video games. I was reading this article on the difference between a 3d sister and a 2d sister[warning: big eyed girls and panties in the link], and I think that sums it up.

A real girl and a real relationship requires work and vunerbility. A real girl wears period panties sometimes, enjoys hobbies you might not like, and has raw onion and garlic breath. A 2d girl doesn't require you to work on yourself, will always wear cute panties, and never has bad breath. You can never touch her, but that's the beauty of it- your fantasy will never be tarnished by reality.

But I think that when the fantasy falls away, and reality sets in, that's when true happiness becomes possible...

Mentally ill in terrible, soul crushing situations in group homes

I agree that going to therapists has helped many kids and adults. Now, kids are resilient, and can often solve problems on their own, but I wouldn't think that kids should endure major psychological distress for months on end just for the heck of it. Now, I love me some therapy, but I think that we should also move mental health promotion activities, such as art, groups where people can bond and socialize, and other things into the wider community.

Therapists can help people recover, but it's the everyday mental health promotion that keeps you well.

In other news, women in Chile are going without food and shelter!

Stop violence against women!

"Buy one less thing, invest in one more woman"

Salmonella found in every food item ever.

That rapist should be ashamed of himself, and so do the folks who didn't expel him from school.

I'm name calling someone who thinks that it should be unsafe for women to walk the streets, just cuz it's legal to leer, harass, and film doesn't mean it should pass without comment. Oh yea, and I can't be against a billion dollar industry because of personal freedom. Oh hell naw! Yes, it's allowed to mock, degrade and hurt women in 'art'*, but I'm also personally allowed to pick it apart. And dude is a million years behind the curve. Two or three generations behind the curve. I was in the first generation with truly widespread internet porno, but there's the kids coming up now too. I might not look at internet porn, but I am the one who had to explain that, yes, women have pubes, no, women tend to have gag reflexes, and no, really, ass to mouth is a bad idea. Internet porn is shaping our sexualities in ways that are pretty much like us all getting driving instruction from Too Fast Too Furious.


And porn genres like anal asians isn't about women and men going with the moment, connecting with each other- it's "yea, I'm in a scene doing anal today." It has no connection with Nashville Asian women doing anal with their boyfriend, unless their boyfriend pestered them into anal because of too much porno consumption. If they decided they need anal simulation- it's not media for others, it's enjoyment for themselves. But when we mix up media and reality, when we think that 'starlets' on twitter don't have a financial interest in flattering our egos, when we think that our own sex tape is the same as a film made by some company. I like how we often think that Lesbian Feminists Love Their Vaginas somehow absolves the million tons of woman hating sludge out there. Think about it- are our high schoolers and college students watching Lesbian Feminist Vagina Love or are they watching mainstream porno? Hint: It's like the difference between teens watching Avatar and teens watching Daughters of the Dust. Mainstream Hollywood doesn't get off the hook with a few prestige features, so why so eager to let the porn industry off the hook?

And yes, I didn't read his whole dumbass misogynist apologist twitter stream. I also don't follow MRAs on twitter either. I just read his dumbassery on his blog and responded. If he wants me to be nice to him, he can stop being a dumbfuck. Some women are nice, nurturing, now see here... I'm not! You want kid gloves, don't make excuses for oppressing me and mine.

Excuses hurt women. When they say, "I was just looking! I was just filming!", it's the woman who is scared or slut shamed. That's why dude is getting slammed by me. The excuses and justifications for male domination hurt real women, and I don't think I can forgive that.

And the sort of dude who thinks that being a man or a woman is that important to the family is just silly. Everyone has within them attributes that might be considered feminine or masculine. I'm aggressive, rude, and forthright, but I also like emotions and crafts, and people say I'm 'good with children'. Some men are gentle, kind and nurturing. I don't really mind the configuration of their genitalia, just as long as they create warm and loving homes. Two manly men can create a home for a child, and two manly women can too.

This dude is from outer space if he doesn't think media including porno can shape expectations. Porno IS media. It isn't sex. It's media.

If I can go "dude, Edward from Twilight is a stalker!" or "What's with romance novels being thinly veiled rape fantasies?" I can also go "why is 'mature' considered a fetish item? Are women over 35 considered nonsexual even though obviously their sexuality is still thriving?" "How did shaved pussy go from a fetish to the norm?" "What's the effect of gonzo porn on the mainstream? Does it add pressure to go nastier?"

What's so 'careless' about explaining to your son what's going on? Saying Mommy's sick with a fetus[not mentioned here, but they then looked at pictures of fetuses in books] is a sensible way of explaining what's going on to a SIX YEAR OLD. And the idea that no one can go forward and try to say "Hey, I had an abortion. I'm not ashamed" unless they are perfect is bunk. I think not being perfect makes it better. We have this vision that unless a woman's a perfect plaster saint, we can't feel any sympathy for her. It's always black and white. Either you are a good woman, or you're an evil whore slut who kills babies for fun! Let's break that dichotomy down with a fucking hammer.

George Will complains about men making economic choices. Now, masculinity demands you not listen to those wimminz who say you have to sit down and learn something[although nowadays we say that boys and men shouldn't be expected to sit down and learn things, before, many of the men we admire from olden days, learned Latin and Greek, using memorization. There's nothing about being male that makes you incapable of self discipline and control, and working towards a goal with hard work!]

In the past, if you had that attitude, you were protected from competition from women, and of course, we had strong unions, so you could move up and support a family, even if you thought you didn't need to do sissy things like read a book. Now, not so much.

Another problem is that yes, many men live at home, but I can imagine why. Maybe they have jobs but the jobs pay so little that if they moved out, they'd be short on rent every single month. They know that on the job, there's no security. Even if they work themselves to the bone, they might get fifty cents extra or maybe be laid off for their trouble.

I'm very confused by folks who say that marriage is terrible for men because they can't just stick a woman with kids and have them live in poverty. Maybe some men should be solely responsible for childcare for a week, and they'll stop whining,eh?

What the fuck?. A bunch of weirdos decide to stalk and harrass some people who have merely been swinging. Their world view is pretty scary. I see some harmless old people with a strange hobby, and they see the devil on earth.

Glad I'm not a teacher. You do your best and work your hardest, but of course, getting kids to improve is like herding cats, so you'll get laid off anyway. I'm reading this, and I have to admit...maybe I'm a terrible person, but what does some lady having been a prostitute have to do with her ability as a teacher? I'm not saying she should CURRENTLY be a prostitute, but if she has renounced it and wants to change her lifestyle, she should be able to move forward in life.

Everyone always slams the teacher's unions and I wonder if it's just union busting or not.

How sports take out more than they put into our institutions of learning.

Let's mock this dumbass! He blows a lot of hot air about porn, completely ignoring that porn is ACTING. A PERFORMANCE. A HUGE ASS INDUSTRY. THAT WHEN THE REST OF US GET BUSY, WE GOTTA GO AND GET FOLKS TO UNLEARN THIS BS. Yes, some women are in this industry making bank. He says Oh, nobody made them perform in porn. Yay for them! That's a side step, though. I'm not talking about how happy and great folks might feel in real life[although folks overstate this.] I'm talking about what the porn industry is putting out there for us to consume. Nobody made anyone perform in blackface, either, but I'm not going to accept that it's all cool and non problematic. I understand that some people think anything with sex in it is saved from comment. Me? No fucking way. Public 'art' is there for public comment. Just because porn depicts people performing sex acts doesn't mean that we can't be like "dude, she's faking it. And I bet she doesn't actually do that in the bedroom. She gets her check, she keeps on rolling, paying her rent, saving for school." It's like actors. I don't think that every single black actor who has been a slap stick soul brother in a film goes around at every party yelling their catch phrase. No, no, no. And when guys that Sonjata or whatever say that they really think this is about two people in the bedroom, that they just woke up one day and decided to make a sex tape, that creeps me out. The actress is separate from her role. Yes, she's being cast as a one dimensional caricature of race and sex, but that's not who she is.

[BTW: I thought of a better analogy later and decided to add it. Porn is like a reality tv show. Now, reality tv uses 'real people' but they cast them, they edit things out, there's a general story line. Even if we're going less The Bachelor and more Intervention, you can't use all of the footage, so people make choices on what would be the most exciting. People's behavior also tends to change when cameras go on, and the type of person who wants to be filmed is not representative of the entire population- so even 'amateur' porn has many differences from the bedrooms of the majority of people]

You can't say don't judge people's bedrooms when the windows are wide open. If porn actors, directors and producers wanted us not to talk about their work, they'd not post it on the net, nor would they try to induce people to spend money on it.

You see, when folks say they can't tell the difference between a fantasy, even a misogynistic white centric fantasy, and reality, that scares me. No no no! Real sex doesn't come in neat boxes of anal asians, black man on white girl, or 'mature'. Real sex isn't a performance, market tested, hoping for the biggest audience, or the one with the most cash. Porn? It's like pro wrestling. STAGED. Not to mention, women can make misogynist trash too. Check out Twilight.

And his experience of feminists claming that looking at a woman is sexual harrassment is as phoney balony as the white folks who swear up and down, up and down, that black people stole their spot in college, or MRAs who swear up and down that women are poking holes in condoms and using turkey basters in their exhaustive drive to have screaming babies wake them up every single day for months on end. I just don't believe it. I think it's because I hear so much minimization of male violence or at least male jerkassery.

I bet once we get to the end of that story of 'just looking', we'll have guys leering on the street, folks looking at folks undressing, and video tapes of people's panties all in 'just looking'. I mean, if actual rape can be called 'having sex' by news outlets, what can we expect from dude?

BTW: If a black person with a penis identifies as a woman, I go with it. The idea that if only fathers would come back and head the family, all would be fine does trivialize women's work, and makes it invisible. "Oh yea...I guess you work, and do tons of childcare and housework. But man! If only more men were fathers..." is the attitude. I don't think being a man or being a woman is essential to the family. It's the person who does the work, who takes care of the kids when they are sick, who teaches, who guides, who mentors who is important to the family, even if they are both women, both men, men and women in nontraditonal roles. Not to mention, maybe some of us don't want to be in traditional families, and actually, the idea that only the nuclear family model is good for the black community is played out.

It's too tied to economics. When things get tough, without the ability to be 'the provider', we see folks giving up. But, I think there are other models that can protect all children, even if dad gets ill and dies, even if the mom becomes addicted. And not all women and not all men want to be breadwinner and home drudge.

Also, yes, I did call out the general male privilege of "I deserve this sort of woman". Because it annoys me. Men seem to believe they deserve the proverbial ten, when they are batting more at a one, or maybe a two. I'm not attacking all black men, just the sort of black man who says I'm not dating black women for X reason, and you look at him, and say "and you're so great, why?"

Man, who is this dude, and why is he such a dick? I sat quietly through the whole 'it might be circumstance' and of course, the ridic porn apology shit[I think an issue is that people equate porn with sex, and the issue is that good sex involves two people interacting in a way that both people enjoy, and porn is all about one sided performance- no personality- a black woman isn't a human being with her own preferences, likes and dislikes! she's a ghetto ho! , a race to the bottom in terms of sexual acts[I can't even imagine what could be worse than the modern state of porn and what bodily features on women will be considered gross and wrong next]]

But what the shit is with this mess?


I'm leery of this one because I have come across a number of proclaimed feminist who feel that if a man so much as looks at her, it is sexual harassment. Seriously. I have actually had this discussion. Simple attempts to engage in conversation in public was deemed sexual harassment. I'm serious about that one too. What bothers me is the usual loud silence by other feminists when these things are said and posted on certain feminist websites. They call it "creating a safe place for women". I call it tolerating and allowing the promotion of BS. Fact is that among normal human males and females, the fact that we as a species are poly-estrous means that "mating season" is every day of the week. Human males and females try to get each others attention every day of the week. It is normal. There are a lot of men who go way overboard on their attention seeking. This is where culture and proper parental upbringing (particularly fathers and father figures) come into play.

I enjoy the idea that men will magically come in and save everyone. This is a common fantasy in the black community, that if only a STRONG BLACK MAN would HEAD THE FAMILY, everything would be alright. Of course, there's not really anything we can do to make individual men do this, and if they do, there's still the real issues of poverty and racism to tackle. It also makes it seem that black women doing tons of work don't count just because we don't have penises[yes, a few black women have penises, but they aren't accepted by this crowd]. And the whole I WAS JUST GETTING HER ATTENTION mess. Really, dude, don't apologize for those assholes.

Assholes ruin it for everybody. You can't have it both ways. Either men can go and 'get a woman's attention' by following her down the street, making crude remarks, and touching a woman in an unwanted manner[really, would you want some dude who smelled like he took a bath in shit water doing that to you? then why is it OK for women to be attacked?] or you can nut up and say, hey, that's not cool.

And talking smack about black women seems to be a special black male privilege. It's a shit sandwich! You work hard, get educated, and dude who ain't graduated from high school complain about how you're too fat! While you're looking at his ass, and it's not exactly super fit! I think the fact that it's so annoying is that when you say I don't date black women because of insert bullshit here, I'm thinking, what? all black women? everywhere? European black women? Canadian black women? Black women working as bus mechanics and black women going to Yale? Black women into the arts and black women into the club? Black women who are sexual exhibitionists and black women who are very religious? Lesbian black women and trans black women and everyone else who I have forgotten? It's like don't ignore all of us! This ain't porn. Once you seen one black woman, you haven't seen them all.

There's a lot of discussion about student movements, white people, and also anarchists. As a person who is not any help at all, I agree with the person who said that no group is essentially revolutionary. Personally, I've retired as a revolutionary, and what I am struggling with is mostly the mystery of why I have had two epic bouts of throwing up in a week.

Article about campus rape on NPR. I'd like to note that not all college students drink the whole week and never actually work. I personally had to study really hard in college. Now, some people will be like BUT THE HOOK UP CULTURE IS GREAT! SEXUAL EMPOWERMENT! RAH! But the truth is that a lot of predators use it as an excuse for their actions. They'll say "Oh, we were BOTH DRUNK, and anyway she just REGRETTED IT in the morning". And of course, that sort of scene provides them perfect cover. The heavy drinking means they can not only attack victims more easily, but also make an excuse for their actions. The expectation of sexual activity means that not only can the experienced predator manipulate the victim into things she might not be comfortable with[as a big meanie who hates men and sex, just because she's ok with making out doesn't mean she wants to go anal!], but they can also try to shame the woman for thinking she could have some fun without some asshole ruining everything by raping her.

And no, commenters, more prostitution would NOT help. In a place where we got cops raping prostitutes, I really don't believe that prostitution helps reduce rape at all. If the men need sexual release so much, they can use their hands.

And here's a chinese cultural concept that does not seem translatable. I just like linking.

Also, some insano says that if we don't beat the children with the rod, they'll be terrible people. A Christian lady is shocked.

I'm still going bwuh about the assumption that everyone is in the same model of WE MUST HAVE SEX EVERY THREE MINUTES OR WE'LL DIE! Now, when I don't have sex, maybe I'm vaguely horny. I'll masturbate. But it's not as deep as everyone represents it like. And I'm glad to be child free. I was innocently looking at facebook, and this lady was like "My baby is finally sleeping through the night." Aw,right? Then I realized that this lady's kid is NEARLY A YEAR OLD! And I hear that babies screaming through the night for that long isn't that unusual either. So when people ask when I'm going to get married and use my baby maker, I say hahaha, no.

BTW! If you don't sleep, you get real physical issues- you physically can't go without sleep for more than maybe a week without having serious issues.
You can go a lifetime without sex with no real ill effects. Sleep is a physical need! Sex is nice to have, but you're not going to actually die if you don't have it. Oddly, I find that this has to be actually said.


And also, I think Monique's hairy legs aren't to be lumped in with the open marriage thing. Once I asked to shave my legs after being policed at school about OMG, I FORGOT TO SHAVE, and my mom freaked out so I also emphasize with the black snob's opinion, but just showing your legs isn't TMI. Now, the open marriage thing isn't that bad. Stay with me here! I think it's good for some people, and she shouldn't be shamed to say that it works for her. Now, if she wants to tell us all that she likes to be submissive in bed, that's TMI. But this? not so much

They are wanking over at Pandagon. Before I go into it, here's an amusing comment:

Honestly, that’s what I’m getting from her too. “I’ve dated so many men you wouldn’t believe! And now I’m in a happy, long-term relationship with a guy I adore and we never have to work at it! All you people who are lonely/shy/unattractive/looking for a relationship/not as fuck-happy as I am need to STFU cry moar ‘cause I got mine. Also, asexuals are probably emotionally manipulative; if you expect someone to put up with you you’d better put out or you’re obviously trying to guilt them into stuff.*”

Hehehe! Anyway, there's a big mess about asexuality. Lindsay Bernstein tells us all about how asexuals are being jerks, since everyone expects folks to put out!

So Lurker says, dude, you got boundary issues!

And then she's like, you got a probs with logic!

Cerebus explains asexuality and the issues therein.

A new word appears- 'sexplain'

And also, this is a great post.

Personally, I'm not an asexual, but as a sexual, the model of LET'S HAVE SEX WITH PEOPLE WHO WE BARELY KNOW doesn't work for me, and there's shaming even for people who would eventually like to have sex, if they know the person, and the shaming for people who actually are asexual must be terrible.

I think people are really short sighted. Consolidating would streamline the government. The problem is that people believe that someone who is in the city and someone who is down the street and live in the county, somehow the problems are divided with the government. It doesn't work that way! If you're a criminal, you know how to cross the street. Really! And if you think that not educating millions of children in the city is going to be a good idea, you're an idiot.

I feel bad, as now I am officially bad at 'sucking it up'. When I suck something up, it usually comes back as a resentment. And strangely, I can't switch caring on and off. If I care, I care. I'm distractable, but... Anyway, I guess people have different emotional styles, and people of that prized disposition may or may not be rare in the population at large.

Ok, I woke up in the middle of the night, and as usual, CA commenters need to be ashamed of themselves. A man is shot, and what do they do? They blame the area of town, 'thugs'[which apparently is anyone who likes gangsta rap. Dang! I just met with 15 'thugs' today! Ok, they were little children who were learning about science, but LOCK THEM UP! SCHOOLS DON'T NEED FUNDING NO WAYS!], and that we're not spending enough money jailing people. And of course, there's the good ol' folks just don't make enough effort. This man died tragically, and what do we hear? Folks running to get an opportunity to shit on neighborhoods they don't like, styles of music they don't like,etc. I don't see people shitting on single moms, which is a shocker, but maybe I missed something.

Eh, I get the feeling that employers will go and take the free work of the intern, but when it's time for hiring, those kids will be thrown in the trash. And of course, after they've worked for free! Ok, actually, with university fees, this counts as paying to have a job. Whoopie! You guys know people can work for free now, don't you? Or maybe they are out of touch with corporate culture nowadays. Take people, chew them up, and toss them out in the cold.

Woman suffers hard life, domestic abuse, is slammed for bothering 'nice white boys'. Also, poorly formed views of mental illness used to slam woman, causing annoyance for everyone who has even thought about mental illness for more than 2 seconds.

Adorable children wear clothing that is practical and age appropiate. Tabloids are shocked, demanding that small children wear high heels, an explosion of pink and bows, and fake eyelashes as soon as possible!

I was reading Donald Miller's A Mllion Miles in a Thousand Years and maybe I'm just a tool of an evil force that wants you to live boring and meaningless stories, but the fact that when he decided to live a better story, he decided to go and hike a trail in Peru threw me right off. I was feeling slightly bad because I am the sort of person who would choose to be in a story in which there are a lot of naps and any travel is leavened with many stops to eat in delicious restaurants, but then I read The Fantasy of Thin and thought maybe that Miller was just selling a different fantasy.

I think a lot of us daydream that if we just did something, whether it's decide to live a story or become thin or whatever, we'd find that our essential selves would want to do the sort of exciting things that others talk about, but I wonder if that's really true. To be a good story, do we really need to kayak in a river and then stay at the house of mysterious rich, white people? Or can our lives be a good story without the world spanning, life changing arcs that Miller wants from a story?

Yes, it's very exciting in a story for it to be raining blood as our heroes charge the bad guys, but in real life, we take pains for that to happen as little as possible, for obvious reasons. And having two or three passionate love affairs at the same time sounds great, but it probably is really exhausting instead.

I also thought that Miller's screenwriters, well, they were too focused on just one model of film making. Sure, there's a model where everything has to come out all right at the end, and you waste half the movie watching the hero doing boring things that are supposed to endear us to the hero[like some random heterosexual coupling they throw in for no reason], but there are many other ways to make a movie, and so there are many other ways to make a life.

Instead of you are beautiful, I'll leave 'you are smart', 'you are worthy', 'you are loved', 'you are valuable'

Eh, I don't like this article. There's something there...where female violence is punished, but male violence? it's just false accusations.

In cheerier news, this reminded me of a lady complaining that babysitters wanted $7 an hour! an hour! as if it was shocking, and I thought really? gas is 3 bucks per gallon. With $7, the babysitter could buy one happy meal or 7 candy bars. Maybe,maybe they could get one manga book. If they were lucky. It also reminds me of people saying we pay $7.50 an hour to chop pigweed out of the cotton fields...HEY, WHY ISN'T ANYONE SIGNING UP?!

I learned through twitter that people are working hard on being against people just taking on people's identities and struggles for shits and giggles. Good work people who are actually doing things!

The system broke, because we didn't think of what would happen when the bottom fell out. In those heady days of the 90s, we threw around words like personal responsibility, and thought the economy would always provide jobs. Our judgments and haughty misjudgments clouded our thoughts, and we couldn't see the people who needed our help. We only saw their imperfections, our judgments of what we would have done. In our imaginations, we'd never do something as crazy as watching tv or having a cell phone so when we were stranded in the cold between our two, three jobs we could call somebody. We imagined that it was like that time in college, when we worked two jobs, as we brag to everyone. We didn't say that we knew it was temporary, and a bright horizon awaited us just beyond.

I don't know who this we is. I want to take some of the blame on myself. And I think others also didn't see the bad times coming. We thought that somehow by magic, jobs would be there if only someone wished hard enough. I don't know what I mean, but all I can think of is that we have failed.

Margaret Cho, I love you! I identify so much with being the one who isn't seen, the one who is invisible until it's time to dump on someone. It hurts. I want to protect the children from this.

This post comparing 19th century cleanliness obsession with 21st century thinness obsession is a thing of beauty.

I've always hated Valentine's Day. I never could articulate it clearly- I always felt a sort of nah nah nah, look at what I get and you don't! holiday. Of course, you're supposed to feel bad about feeling bad. Others are happy, you should be happy too, they say. But I can't describe what I mean. Words fail me. All I know is that some 'happiness' makes me feel small and diminished, and makes many other people feel bad and alone, and that other happiness makes the world seem larger and expanded by its scope. It makes me feel glad to orbit around the same star as those people who are encircled by that love.

I feel that even if I wasn't watching, even if all displays of romance vanished from the earth, their love would still be as strong. It's not "look at me!" it just is.

Of course, it's obvious that we could pretty much house most of the homeless. Housing stock stands empty right now here in Memphis, while we don't even have a free shelter for the homeless to stay the NIGHT in. People can build schools out of old office buildings, why not homes out of well...houses?



I'm against a school police force as well. Why criminalize our children? Why spend sorely needed money repressing kids in a model that would probably just make things worse?

But what will they do when the big seed companies, the belligerent poor, and the socialist technocrat state shoot their zucchini crop from their black helicopters that Obama has rented from the One World Government?

This sort of thing is why I'm so suspicious of the so called 'power' of female sexual display. The power requires someone else to give it to you. This woman is not so much to blame for buying into the hype. For years, we've been told oh, women are so powerful; they can make a man do anything by shaking their ass!

But your ass is always too big, too small, too old, too exposed, too covered. Too dark, too light, too high, too low. You shake it too much, no, you shake it too little. When someone talks about how crazy this society makes her, how after being told and told that sexual and appearance value IS her value as a woman, it's all get therapy!

Now, that's just degrading the idea of therapy, and I'm sick of it. Therapists treat mental illnesses, and also help people adjust to life's traumas. It's a noble profession and I don't like it being used as a cheap insult. It seeks to say that the person didn't just say something you disagree with, but is deviant in a bone deep way.

I mean, "I feel invisible because of the hurtful comments of some dick musician, and it reminds me of feeling invisible in public" "You should get therapy for that". What's with that? "I hope you get the help you need for feeling bad because some asshole put you down!" Well, that's really condescending! And thanks for making mental health care more stigmatized.

When people really get to the point where their life situations have them about to break, when their natural resilience and support networks are not enough to support them, and they may need to seek guidance from a helper, they may shy away because they remember you being a wafflesnatcher.

I think that mental health is broad. You can be vulnerable, hurt in places, and still not be 'crazy' or 'bad'. I think a lot of us are more lonely than we have to be because we're constrained to having an image of no weakness, no fear, nothing but goodness and strength. If only somehow, we could share ourselves with each other without fear.

Now the truth is that I was not lusting after John Mayer's pasty sexist ass cock. But still, I don't want to know that I can't be me and be loved at the same time in this society. Now, my bones know it. My heart knows it. But like John Mayer's disembodied and creepy ass dick, my brain doesn't want to follow through.

This is the best comment about that yet.

Now that's entitlement! People complain about people feeling entitled to food or medicine, but feeling entitled to sexual gratification using other's bodies and our money? A OK!

Also, my favorite part of this article is how the writer describes how without taxes this town wouldn't even exist.

I love you kameelah! By which I mean, your blog is awesome!

Ah. pandagon, is there a subject you can't wank on?

I like how this post has a sensible discussion about why people choose the foods they do. [hint: it's not because they are saying HAHAHAHAHA! I WILL HAVE A FAT ASS AND RUIN AMERICA!!!]

Breaking the gender binary is not easy to do.

The pain and loss of birthmothers from adoptions that were purported to be open, but really were only open on the conditions that the adoptive parents would allow.

Precious contributes to stigma, writers say. Note the excellent Akeelah and the Bee didn't get any awards.

As you all know, I'm a prude. So I was going to complain that for god's sake, your child does not need lingerie. They can wear days of the week panties like generations before. But sadly, the comments are terrible, full of OMG, SHE'S A HOE! SHE'LL GET RAPED! even though its just clothing that is really ugly and inappropriate. No matter how butt ugly, stupid looking and freedom restricting the clothing young girls wear is, it has nothing to do with their sexual morality and anyway, if you rape a ten year old, it's your own fault, no matter whether she was wearing jeans and a t shirt or fishnet stockings and a skirt that is up to there.

So yes, that line of clothing is butt ugly, and is a sad result of how we're telling little girls that their worth is in how 'hot' they look. But it doesn't make the girls hoes, sluts, or whatever. It's just hideous clothing.

I'm sort of worried. I think why are they publishing the full name of a girl who has been assaulted by the police? I'm worried people will drag her name through the mud because of this, even though it was the police man who did something wrong.

Henrietta Lacks is a name I didn't know. Up until 5 minutes ago, I thought it was Lax. Due to shockingly unethical behavior, her cells are still living and producing cures. There's a lot of stuff in this story from the anxiety of the family that they'll just be used and thrown away to the question of who really owns your cells. It sucks that it's through someone else and not people telling their own story, but then again, it's not like her family could really afford to max out their credit cards on a story that they didn't even know others would listen to...and plus, it would be hard to get an agent, etc.

Look at this amazing statement from Adoptees of Color. It tells us that we can't just spirit children away from everything they've known, and say it's alright. We can't just say 'they're orphans' without even thinking of the possibility they might have relatives or communities they already live in!

Also, strange Detroiters are freezing a house solid for reasons I don't understand. Art? protest?

and BTW: Disability is our lives, not your analogy!

Privledge is the idea that you can just show up with good intentions and not even think your cunning plan through. Of course the Haitian government doesn't want you to just abscond with children with no evidence of whether you're going to sell them to the highest bidder or whether you've gotten the approval of any family members the children might have had... Also, do the kids think they are just going away for a while and can come back or do they know that they might never see any of their family members ever again?