I'm amused by the advice that this dateless man gets- hey! get a mail order bride! and the like, especially as the media is obsessed with bashing attractive successful black women for not being married. While there are millions of men[ok. maybe just thousands- really really loudly] complaining about how they are 'nice guys' and why won't women look at them, the media tends not to focus on how those guys' personal deficiencies keep them from finding love. BTW- In The Upside of Irrationality, it is said that men tend to aim higher, such as a plain man trying for a beauty who is well established in her career, and often that's a problem for these guys, I think.

Now, I'd sure like a rich ripped man who loves books and musical theater delivered to me with a million dollars. But, due to social conditioning, I have learned not to complain about this not occurring. I know that it's unlikely to occur without effort on my part, and really, I'm quite plain, so I may have to go with a love of books and musical theater, and leave the rich and ripped at the door. However, despite my plainness and OH NOES BLACKNESS, I'm not going to date a homeless alcoholic with no teeth, like the media seems to believe I should. [because give him a chance! I'm sure he's good inside!]

Now, with men, people tend to encourage their pretension that unattractive and broke 40 something men with no game can somehow have any woman he wants. When that ends up not being true- there's backlash. Women are blamed for being materialistic, and amusingly, foreign women are tossed up as the answer to this issue. "American women aren't family orientated like foreign women!" they say. The fact is that American women who would love nothing more than to raise children and cook exist, but not just any man will do. The whole mail order bride thing trades on desperation of poorer people to make a better life, but I am interested that no one suggests that black women start engaging in green card marriage.

The upshot of this ramble is when women can't get the guy they want, they are expected to blame themselves[or others will blame them for them-therefore all those black women are awful for getting educations and stuff mess] and if men can't get the women they want, they are encouraged to blame women[in the original letter Cary Tennis tries to break the pattern in his own strange strange way]. So either way, women are blamed. Even if the problem is the guy smells like feet.


LOLZ- and this is funny tooo.

Jay Sennett expands on the theme of loving your body powerfully.

BTW: Hell yeah! Being black ain't a sin, being a woman ain't a sin. I REFUSE TO APOLOGIZE!

Dude, it's not about oh, those poor students, it's about professionalism. Professors are employees. It'll eventually get out that Prof A is banging a student, which is not going to go over well with the other students. People will believe that the student is getting special favors or the professor might be seen as a scumbag who is taking advantage of a perceived power differential. It's like the rule that lawyers and clients, pastors and parishioners, counselors and clients , doctors and patients don't get romantically entangled- it's not about ruining people's sex lives, it's about being a professional, and understanding ethical issues.

This goes back to a theme that you have all noticed in my posts. Sex is great, but common sense is important too. Boning the hot undergrad in your colleague's Chem 101 class is way way more trouble than it's worth, and yes, sometimes we need policies for those who don't have the sense to think about what's going to happen after they finish.