Thursday, September 30, 2004

My abnormal psych test grade was amended to an 83. Also, Kerry owned the debate, and Bush seemed really mad and confused. Also, I'm a bit unhappy- we can never fix our whole race relations mess because whites are too afraid of not looking like good guys all the time. Like I'm not saying I'm perfect- I'm scared to admit just how terrible I am at math. However, I don't lie and say I'm good at math or that I'm 'math blind' or something. I guess I feel that problems should be solved. It totally blows my mind that whites would rather try to find ways to look good than to lift a finger to do anything about racism. Like it kind of cements how much whites think anyone who isn't white just doesn't count as a real person. The reaction you often get is HOW DARE YOU! How dare you have thoughts of your own that don't revolve around my feelings!? How dare you want to solve problems instead of flattering my ego!

It's like the problems women have- like men thinking that women's bodies belong to them, and not to the women themselves. It's like white people think that the world belongs to them,and they are just letting the rest of us borrow a part of it. And that really chaps my ass, and I don't know what to do about it.

A quote I read said "Your silence will not protect you" and I think it might be true. Like even if I tried to pretend everything was fine- it wouldn't change, but if I try to work hard to deal with these issues, I can be helpful to others. Like it really doesn't help anything to accept the world as it is- it's best to try to change things.

About this- this is a good article, but it's a bit too cheerful. Yes, it's nice that whites and blacks are friends, but there's got to be more soul searching and hard work before we can truly have a better less racist society. For example, the white guy may know in his logical brain that race is irrelevant, and that's a good start, but there's a lot more to be done. When he's voting for a ballot responsibilty to fund headstart- is he saying "well, let's work for all the kids" or is he saying "well, those kids can't learn"

I think the fact that whites are racist wouldn't annoy me so much if they all lived in a country far away where their racism couldn't bother me. But their racism makes their decisions irrational in some areas. Sure, it hurts whites too, but it's really annoying to me anyway. Just because they'd hurt themselves to hurt you doesn't make everything hunky and dory.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

I'm really sleepy because because of a mix up I stayed up til 2 am. However, I find this wallpaper of the week slightly disturbing in a weird way. I think I fucked up my stats lab... zzz...

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

To console myself for failing my infancy test today, I was looking at gothic lolita clothing. I will probably buy this when I get a bit more money- $20 is a good price. I nearly had a really cute black skirt for cheap on ebay, but I was totally spacy(I've been like this all day- I nearly fell asleep twice during my infancy test) and lost it. Well, something cute is going to come up. Also, I found this sock shop with all kinds of socks, which makes me happy. When it gets colder, I'll buy some socks. The section linked has my dream ruffle socks. Somehow dressing up like a girl makes me feel more relaxed. I'm glad no one hassles me over it. Then again, a (biological) woman who has frill fantasies probably doesn't seem too odd to many.
Yesterday at Ecoseac(The Emory Chapter of the Student Environmental Action Coalition- hey, I did it!) I heard a really informative speaker on transportation- basically, he's with a group that wants to expand transit, get the service and routes on MARTA up again. I might go to some of their meetings- you can get to them on the MARTA. Anyway, I was shocked that in some of the factors that made the MARTA such a bitter issue, he mentioned 'racial overtones'. I was shocked! (I forgot to mention- a white guy) Then I felt kinda mad that I had to be shocked that he decided to actually think about something for 3 seconds.

Anyway, I'm really worried. Like a lot of irrationality can creep into policy because of racism- and it hurts whites too, which is kind of ironic. It's like racism is like taking poison and waiting for the other race to die. If only it only affected their selfish butts and the rest of us didn't have to deal with it I'd be a lot happier. Maybe racism is more like exploding a biological weapon and then waiting for only the other race to die- it's a fucking stupid thing to do. Along with that- you can't stop it by making excuses, so be men/women, and face up to your bad nature.

Monday, September 27, 2004

I wonder if I'm not a little bit spiteful. I'm a nosy ass person. I want to know what everyone is saying and doing. It's a bad problem. So these girls were bitching about the white trash stereotype and talking about how like if their teacher had spent five minutes in their community etc etc(I'm probably messing this up- lack of context and all, bad memory, but everyone knows that memory is constantly changing) and on one hand, I felt kinda annoyed- like somehow that white trash stereotype bothers me- maybe it's classism that is bothering me and on the other hand, I was like hahahahaha, have a taste of my problem, which isn't very nice.

Then again, it's good that they actually might learn something- they were talking about the social construct of whiteness- but then again, I don't want people to have problems, but then again, you can't really learn somethings without a little bit of pain. It's important to sort of make a commitment to yourself to work hard to not be a total bastard, I think.

Like even if you'd rather think everything was all right, and that the world as it is is just- you still have to keep pushing, and trying to be a strong person. Anyway, one of the most important things we have to learn is that the world doesn't revolve around us- I mean that in the best way, the way that gives people power.

To me, there are several ways that every cliche can be taken. I conceptualize them as the 'right' and 'left' way, because I'm a political idiot. I'm a leftist, if you want to know. Like one way is the best meaning- the meaning that gives you strength, but the other one is the one that cuts you down and hurts you.

Like saying "the world doesn't revolve around you" when you are the one who is doing people wrong and hurting people with your self centeredness is helpful, but saying the same thing when you really need to break free of the prison of sacrificing yourself too much is hurtful.

So I guess context is important. I don't see why I can't concentrate on my schoolwork today. I have a test tomorrow. But I just can't concentrate. I want to be a psychologist, but I'm too much of a pussy, I guess. It'd be sad if I missed my profession because of my nerves. They've gotten a little stronger, but they are still weak. I sometimes just feel like I need to sleep for a week. I had a nice break this weekend, but it makes it even harder to read about gay ass neural tubes or stupid ass nativists and their dumb ass empiricist compatriots.

I should use better language, as one can't save the world without trying not to be such a fucking dumbass, but I'm a lazy ass git. But- there's one difference- if I'm too much of a dumb ass to stop using terrible language- you know what? I don't whine about fucking 'PC'. It's my own damn fault if I'm sexist rude and homophobic, god damn it, and if people don't like it- it's pretty obvious that I shouldn't be the one whining about how they were offended. I could not be a sexist ass motherfucker. So spare me that pussy ass shit ok?

I went to anime weekend atlanta this weekend. I saw SuperGals! which was pretty funny, and Kino's Journey which was too pretenious for me. I went to the Elegant Gothic Lolita panel, and I learned a lot about the style. I also got one of those headdresses in the artists' alley, although it's purple with a dragonfly and won't match anything and was really expensive. But I think it's the dragonfly that won me over. Interestingly enough, the offical Fruits Basket hats(I got a Yuki one) were cheaper than the ones sold at artists' alley. I didn't even know that they had offical ones til I checked the tag on the back. I got the last three volumes of Maison Ikkoku, too. It was pretty fun.

Also, I have another note- when people say the government doesn't have enough money for something- they mean 'fuck those people'. That's why the government has plenty of money for killing people- but none for families and the community. I mean- the families and communties of people who 'don't matter'. They can waste tons of money on abstience only- but nothing for effective sex ed. They have plenty for wining and dining the bureacrats, but nothing for some fucking head start, affordable housing, or anything else that might actually help people.

One of my pet peeves is the way that sort of thing is often sold(this article is pretty interesting, although doesn't talk about the racial issues and such. Sure, white people shouldn't be racist, but if they are going to be racist, they should recognize that that's a bad thing, and not act on it. Sure, the politicans go around spinning tales of lazy ass welfare queens who are stealing all our money, but we don't have to take them at their word. The fact they want to believe so much is really pissing me off. If you have a bad life, well, we didn't sign up to be your whipping boys. You don't study? Well, you can't get into college, dipshit. Don't blame affrimative action. You don't have a mansion but childern are not starving to death? Well, fuck you. Kill yourself if you lack compassion. If you believe racist lies, I blame you for believing them. Take responsibilty- it's not just for poor folk or black folk.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

So I failed both of my tests today. Darn stats- making me overstudy for that, so I understudyed for abnormal psychology! Not to mention the one two punch of regular stats test, and then lab test. I hope Dr What'shername gives lot of partial credit.

Also, De Veaux has a way with biography. In her Warrior Poet, she isn't like those biographers that will be like "Many of Audre's former lesbian lovers were invited to the wedding" instead she includes this funny quip- 'did you invite every woman you ever slept with to the wedding'? This is a really lively and fun biography, I think.

I love this shirt- the back says "who ever heard of a nice piece of elephant?"

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

So today I lost the war of attrition with my statistics test, which had less math than anticipated on it. Also, I am selling some jewelry and buttons on ebay, yet again.

Here is a Christian perspective on televangalist asshats. And here's an article on South African rock art. In one of his rare moments of editoralizing, Chris Ehret talks about how we hear all about the rock art in Europe, but little about the rock art in Africa.

So now I'm studying for my abnormal psychology test, and so I flip the book open and on the page that I have flipped to it says (paraphrase)"Minority neighborhoods have a disproportionate amount of alcohol advertising, although alcohol use is lower in those ethnic groups" This is page 590 in Abnormal Psychology 4th Edition (Seligman, Walker, Rosenhan). That was pretty random, although it's important to know stuff like this I guess.
Oh NOES!!!! Our Conservative Brothers are being oppressed, by my statistics CD ROM. It referred to Republicans once, and then went on to smear them as 'The One With the Elephant Mascot"!!! Oh, the horror! I bet all the kids who are Republican because being an asshat looked cool on TV are all LIBERALS now! And you know what that means! Real respect for people different than you(well, that don't want to fucking kill you) and actual rights for everyone. Better impale ourselves on a stick now.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Got the Bradleys. I really love Bagge's drawing style- it's very expressive, and lends itself well to comedy.

Monday, September 20, 2004

Well, today I took a test, and it was pretty scary. I started to just write down everything I knew about Pavlovian conditioning for the big essay question. I think I'll get 5-10 points off for mistakes, bad handwriting. Also, I'm so scared of statistics that I bought a manga "Tramps like Us' to distract me from studying. It was pretty good. A woman is constantly annoyed because her whole office is full of sexist jerks, and jealous bitches. Also, her boyfriend broke up with her because he's an idiot. So she finds this hot guy, and decides he is her pet, and he goes along with it, because he wants to bone her. Comedic hijinks and suchlike ensure.

Basically, it was a fun manga- I'm not going to be like "OMG!! Top 100 manga ever" but it entertained me, which was the whole point. Maybe tomorrow, I'll get the Bradleys which I saw also. I'm such a goofoff- spending my book card money for that. But it's really scary to study for stats. I think that's why I've been spending so much money lately.

But aside from that,one of the ads at the back advertises new Paradise Kiss covers. I don't think the new ones are quite as iconic as the old. However, I love Paradise Kiss. I tend to be the sort of person who likes a story of someone working hard to find their path in life. The teen years have a big portion of my psychic real estate. I go back to those themes over and over- the search for identity and purpose.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

I'm still reading The Civilizations of Africa, which is a really good book. I especially like the emphasis on what people ate, what they worshipped, what sort of interactions did they have with the people around them. It makes everything much more interesting than just in 300 AD, King X ascended to the throne of Country Y, which may turn many people off. I learned a lot- but some broad themes that I will assimilate into my understanding of history from now on are the fact of independent discoveries of things in different places- the author comes to this several times- copper working may have first been done in the Americas, but it was also independently invented in Africa, the interactions of peoples(this is especially stressed, with the mixing of religions and cultures), especially the effects of trade- if I am remembering this right, it was Muslim traders that took Islam to North Africa.

I also like how the author talks about Africa for its own sake. Of course, this is an entire book on it, but it doesn't center on Europe and talk about Africa in relation to Europe- if other places in the world are mentioned, it's in relation to Africa. This change in perspective is really mind broadening.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Also, here are my real life activities. I didn't want to study, although I did get some in, so I modified my hoop earrings by putting clear hearts on them. Also, I'm too scared to go back out there and ask people if they want to register to vote. I'm such a wuss! But being able to do it a little bit was better than usual.
I was reading this post from ampersand talking about how some white males think that Bush will bring back their entitlement. I think it takes a certain amount of courage to say that. I mean, I'm not saying that if I was morphed into a white male at birth I would be this perfect person. I'm sure, I'd desire an entitlement, I'd desire to have everyone only listen to me, and ignore everyone else. But, it's brave to adknowledge what you want is wrong, that there are higher laws than what would make you feel good. That justice is more important than fighting to take back some mythological time before 'political correctness' where you didn't have to pay lip service to the idea that people different than you were even human.

It must be hard to know that you didn't get everything on merit. I of course am not poor, but my parents didn't act like it made me better than other people. I recognize that I have a better start in life than others- better nutrition, better schools, I didn't have to work during high school and give part of my money to my mom for the running of the household. People treat you better if you have money. But it'd be ridiculous to say that I got everything on my own, that's why I get mad.

It seems disrespectful to ignore the society that birthed you, that gave you everything it had, just so you can feel good about yourself. Other people work hard to make all the good stuff we have. Other people have often suffered so we can have the life that we have. And for someone to pretend that they did it all on their own- it's ridiculous.

I guess it's obvious now- I watched the end of Fruits Basket. Without spoilers, I'd like to say- "ah, if only we could solve everyone's psychological problems with just a bit of empathy". I'd like to read more of the manga. Towards the end, the anime is a bit rushed trying to get all the zodiac members in, and suchlike. It's still a good anime, even with Honda Tohru just being a bit too shiny and wonderful, and I'd recommend you seeing it.

Friday, September 17, 2004

OH NOES! Yet again, whitey mcwhinybitches from the GOP have set themselves up as victims, so they can whine about it! It's actually pretty sad, you know. I guess to some it doesn't matter about being pure of heart as long as you win, but I'm conflicted about that.
"People say it's survival of the fittest, but we're people, not animals"- Yuki from Fruits Basket.

Also, the mere thought of pubic hair removal makes me faint. Why did I have to come of age in the porn age, not the 'let's enjoy sex' age. grrr.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

I'm watching Fruits Basket, and this post may have spoilers. You know, the plot of this anime could be summed up like this Sohmas: We have mental problems. Honda: Sohmas: we're cured! I mean, yes, there is the changing into animals and all, but that's just a fun anime style proxy for any embarrassing secret. The episode I just watched had a badminton game in it. It reminded me of the game in Utena at the end, where everyone was looking up at the sky, and smiling with hope. It certainly makes me feel better. Even if my pants are soaked at the knee, or if I have a stats test I have barely started studying for next Wed, anime is always fun.

Also, I think how Tohru is always smiling and trying to be helpful is a big fat defense mechanism. Trying to ignore her own problems and stuff.

Rightstuf is having another sale, Pioneer(now Geneon(sp?) this time. I love their sales. One day I'm going to have to get all of Fruits Basket. I just borrowed these DVDs, and only had the first one.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

This fark thread shows that total pussies a lot of white people are. The Confederate flag stood for people who actually did kill black people, and tried to ruin their civil rights. Malcolm X talked, but he didn't kill any white people, and then he was like "well, some white people are cool", while hicks still hate black people. Again with their emphasis on white feelings rather than black lives. DUDES! The south doesn't just have hate as its heritage! We have a lot of *good* heritage too! Legitimate heritage! Not just a bunch of sister fuckers being racist. But noooooo, we have to hear that only stupid hick pride is southern pride. Stop fucking up my part of the country, dudes.

Also, you know why teacher won't let you have the white pride club? Because they don't like neo fucking nazis. Grow up, and stop being a pussy. Schools have nothing wrong with being proud of an ethncity- like having irish day or something, but if you want white day, we're not fucking stupid, you know. Black pride isn't associated with fucking killing people. PUSSIES! The President of the University can say "Well, the black club had its second annual bar b q. " and put a good spin on it- we're diverse and not racist! But "our white club had its second annual cross burning" doesn't sound so good, and is a risk to recruitment of minorities and whites that aren't dickheads.

Like how do people think they don't know what things mean to other people? I could wear a big fat swaztika on my shirt, but I'm not going to fucking whine and be a pussy when people get offended. This guy is like this guy who kept going on about how cool the Nazis looked even though this girl was like my grandparents are Holocaust survivors. Just a giant fucking dick. You know that you're going to a university with black people in it. You know that the Confederate flag was flown over klan meetings and state captials during the time when they were fighting for segegation. (I mean the battle flag) Yet you choose to be a douche anyway.

Of course, we have our usual 'white people didn't do anything bad! African chiefs MADE US take slaves, and then they MADE US brutalize them and then they MADE US refuse them their rights for a hundred years and then they MADE US treat blacks like second class citizens today" people. What's wrong with you people? Then again, I'm expecting logic here. If you didn't have anything to do with it, you don't have to make excuses for it, so this is kind of admitting that their racism today has something to do with history, I guess.

John Scalzi makes fun of the Confederate flag, and the ignorant hicks who fly it way better than me.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Hey, sweet action! My blog got reviewed, and flatteringly. Although, my shyness does tie in with my dislike of (real) racism. As a shy person, I'm rather aware of the irrational and stupid ways people judge others. But racism rankles my ass even more because it's just really random. It seems really weird to have people disregard your feelings just because your skin color's a bit dark or just totally act irrationally and fuck everything up because of that.
One may wonder why I am always ranting about race. It's not like I woke up one day, and just got obsessed with it. This is based on years of subtly building rage. In high school, I knew something was wrong, but didn't have the words for it. I mean, the way these people were whining, you'd think that 12 year old crack baby black kids were taking all the scholarships and jobs, but when you looked at actual information, more black kids were stuck wasting their talent in jail than in college, and while white kids could deal drugs up in the school house, black kids were going to jail for it. Not to mention, there was the dumbest incident in the world. Like the school said that people shouldn't wear Dixie Outfitters(i.e. confederate flag) shirts to school. In a sensible world, that would be a decent rule. I don't complain because I can't wear a shirt with a big fat swastika on it to school. But nooo, they were like 'if we don't get to wear Dixie Outfitters, they shouldn't be able to wear FUBU"

What the fuck?! I may not be the best person in the entire world, but there's a huge difference between a shirt company being like "fuck oppression, for black people, by black people' and "Let's oppress people by segregation and killing people". This was one of the starting points of my curiosity about their psyche. I mean seriously, how can one not know the difference between a historical symbol of hate, and people being like "You don't oppress me. I got my own company, yo"?!

Not to mention, people acting like slavery was a positive good because you're in america now, I first heard that as a kid, but didn't know what to say. Or people bitching about hate crimes laws because every crime was performed because of hate. I knew that was wrong, but not what to say about it. Also, I wonder if people who say that understand that they are campaigning for lynchings? I mean, that's what the law is against. Whether it's a lynching of a Mexican or an Asian, gay or trans we don't care.

Of course, there were more ambiguous things such as when my teacher in like 2nd grade thought I was lying when I had finished the test early, or the fact that plenty of smart kids were stuck in the dumb track, but I tried to be cheerful.

But now, in college, I can no longer feel that people grow out of being racist idiots. In the fall semester, both the n word incident(which wouldn't have been so bad if people didn't act like making her apologize was a huge punishment and that asking everyone to be polite would just ruin their lives) and the chemistry fiasco(which I'm a bit suspicious about- waaay suspicious. A lot of people aren't good at chemistry, but no one insults them for it- especially with no proof.) Over the summer, I read the newspaper, and there are a lot of fights I can understand now. The fuss over school consolidation(the city is black and the county is white, so instead of saving money by putting the schools together, they'll whine) for example. I dislike how blatant they are in their racism, when they think they are being slick. It's like just because you didn't say "I moved to the suburbs to escape the " (as my history teacher in hs, who is white reported being told by a neighbor), people can't clearly see your motives. wtf?

Maybe if you deceive yourself, you think you can deceive others? Anyway, it's really confusing and the fact that they defy logic is another reason why I am mad. Like the future and the past somehow aren't connected, there aren't any power differences in the world, and if you lie or make excuses, there aren't any effects of your actions,etc, all these white people logic things confuse the hell out of me! If they made any sense, my head wouldn't hurt, but they base their lives on these weird assumptions, unless they explore them and start having some sense, but that takes work...

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Here's a story on some weird rumors that are circulating around- that a bunch of right wingers want to create a theocracy in which the 'elect' have good lives,and screw the rest of us. I don't know about how accurate it is, but it's interesting enough for me to mention.
Here is an unusual video featuring Dita Von Tesse, a Bush look alike, and a Tony Blair look alike, in an oddly sexual manner. Warning, it isn't sfw. Also, from the same people, here is a low res video of a skinny white girl in very pretty lingere that I'd love to own. Probably England only company though..

Saturday, September 11, 2004

I have 666 songs on itunes. Here are some interesting articles from a native american standpoint. These of course all have different viewpoints, and I'd encourage you to read all of them, but the thread that ties them all together is the idea that white behavior towards native people has been pathological. It's pretty hard to deny that. And it's really hard to deny that white folk ain't even acting sorry. Actually, I didn't have anything good to add, but I thought that these articles were interesting.

So I'll talk about boring things about my life that you don't care about. Yesterday I went to an awesome art shindig. I saw great art, great bands, got some great cds, and learned a lot of stuff, such as what linoleum printing is, and how you do it, and the wonders that photoshop can work on your photos. College is great!
I really hate this kind of practice! I mean seriously, who came up with the idea of charging poor people more for stuff, and then calling them stupid for being poor in the first place? Whoever did that was an idiot.

Also, here is a page collecting stories of women who are not sorry that they had an abortion. It is important to let people know what it is like, and how they felt. Also, here is a page of an organization that helps fund abortions for women who need one, but can not come up with the funding. It's not right to give a woman no choices, and then blame her for her path.

Also, here is another page selling union made, USA made apparel. Although, the jeans seem to be man sized, but all jeans seem to be. Women's hips flare out, and their waists are way smaller than their hips.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Yesterday, there was a vigil for the 1000 dead soldiers. I had suggested it, but Jed was the one who pulled it off. (I didn't mention that while I was being asked questions as I am inarticulate. More articulate people will be in the Wheel- including Jed) I was happy that the Run Against Bush people all came before their run. Well, it was a coincidence, but I got a free sticker out of the deal. Mostly we had crappy votive candles that wouldn't stay lit, but some people brought their own candles that actually stayed lit and smelled nice. My legs kind of hurt after standing up for 45 minutes, and I felt kind of sad, because all I could think about were dead Iraqis, but it was a good gesture anyway.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Undergrads in college know more about MLK than 99% of conservatives.
This guy has a good start, but I'd like to talk about it some more. I find it funny that when blacks are pro life in deed, not just word, they get flack for it. It's easy to be pro life when you can just slip your daughter some abortion money, and then pretend to be pious the next day, but taking care of a human being for its life, that's a hard part. Also, the part where he references Bill Cosby is another reason the Republican party doesn't play big- it's not like whites are some perfect race, but they never get called out, even if some of their youth are blowing themselves up in meth labs(everyone of all races- don't do meth! It'll fuck you up.)

Also, if they made an unwavering commitment to end discrimination, they'd lose the white vote, not the far right vote, as this guy optimistically intones at the end. Whites bitch if there's even a rudimentary attempt for justice, let alone a full out commitment. Of course, the leaders could bite the bullet, and say "Hey, we had our fun. But it's time to grow up now". But they are politicians and they have no dick nearly by definition.

A good way to spend as much money treating drug addicts as incarcerating them is to decriminalize a lot of this mess in the first place. We don't need to have folks thrown in jail over some stupid stuff, especially when other people get to do stupid stuff, and they don't care. Also, with the improvement of education for blacks, that would be programs like Headstart, and suchlike, which would alienate the people who think that that stuff is 'handouts', and that you can fix all school problems by calling the kid stupid.

So this guy has a lot of good ideas, but too bad they'll never be implemented, or whites will whine about 'special rights', as if justice is a special right or something.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

It's nice to wake up at 10:40, so I can get another blog post in, and then read more Kodocha. But before this, you may wonder why I am so pissed off about racism in my posts. I think one element of it is when whites act like their hurt feelings should be a priority over our lives. Like they act like black 'racism' is the same as white racism and that they should be treated the same. When blacks are 'racist', they usually do stuff like say "man, I hate crackers'. This might hurt a white person's feelings, so one should probably not go around saying that, but it's a whole different ballpark than being the one last hired and first fired. There's a huge difference between 'that's not nice' to actual social problems.

And I really resent it, when people act like it's an imposition even merely to be nice. I'm drawing a comic now, and in the scene I was supposed to draw today, I have a newspaper in hand, and the headline is going to read "Professors say that President's suggestion of 'why can't we all get along' threatens academic freedom'. The back story is this- prof says the n word, president of U says- that's not right, apologize, and remember to be nice. Of course, I would have preferred a stronger response, but what can you do? But people acted like that was a significant curtailment of academic freedom. Like maaaybe they'd have to go to sensitivity training. I'm sorry, but if you as University professors don't know how to act, you should be glad before you go and embarrass everyone with your moronic speech.

Anyway, although it's a mystery, it really puts my panties in a twist. I didn't ask to be anyone's sacrifice, but it seems that certain people are just 'expendable', because they were born the wrong color. That reminds me of someone who was talking about teen pregnancy, and said that the solution was to treat no one as a nobody, and I think this may be one of those things. I mean seriously, if everyone always acts like they can't bother to educate you, to talk nice to you, to see you as a human and not a threat, not everyone is going to be like the hero in a Rocky movie- some folks are going to act out.

Like it's easy for me to say that all the poor ghetto kids should just you know, ignore all the bad things and think about the good stuff. It's not like people I know are being shot dead or hauled off to jail and brutalized. The people I know get decent food, and mostly go to the same really rich ass university that I go to. So it'd be easy for me to say that just because I live a charmed life that everyone does. But it's important to realize that your life is not the only life, and that it truly could be you very easily. Sure, I got lucky parents, but not everyone has good luck and an easy start in life.

Instead of saying that other people are bad for not having it as good as I do, it's better to be thankful for what you do have, and to properly thank the people who suffer so that you can live how you do. The American lifestyle causes much suffering around the world, and while we can oppose it, it's not like suddenly you buy American made clothes and local farm produce farmed by non migrants, and you're suddenly not a cause of suffering in this world. I'm still at a confusing place- I'm groping for who I want to be, and what I want to do.

So I'm not in a nice place. I'm not in a pretty place. I'm not in a place of good humor. Sure, I like watching cartoons and talking about full penetration as much as anyone, and I have spent slightly more time trying to bother this boy than worrying about weighty things, but for the most part, I'm not in that stage of life where I am happy with injustice.

It'll probably take me a long time to talk about race issues without being pissed off. One day I'll tell you the story of my lack of religion formulation, but it took me about 4 or 5 years before I was completely set on it. My lack of religion? I'm an atheist, but I'm pretty cool about it. Yea, there's stuff I don't know about, but that makes talking about it even more dangerous and weird.

On another completely unrelated tangent, what's with Read or Die TV and the camera angles? WTF?

Kodocha is a pretty funny manga. In its use of the OMG!!!! You stole my PRECIOUS FIRST KISS!!! troupe, it's one of the first ones I've seen that actually make sense. Like in Hana Yori Dango, Tsukushi is all like "You stole my first kiss!" and I'm like aren't you 15 or 16? But an 11 year old would be more concerned about first kisses and such...

Monday, September 06, 2004

Through my reading of African Civilizations, I have learned an important lesson- if they don't attribute an invention to any culture, an African probably did it. For example, who domesticated cotton and cattle? It sure wasn't a European. Although, it's not like I'm a perfectly educated person- I didn't associate all those hand axes,etc by early humans with Africa, despite my knowledge of the African origins of humans. However, I don't go around shouting about how stupid I am, and actually do attempt to read a book once in a while.

Also, I hope the quote on this page by that scumbag Delay is false. "All spots taken by blacks, hispanics' I guess the whiny white dude tantrums did predate the 1980s... To clarify, whiny white dude tantrum usually involves a white guy being a waste of space and blaming minorities for their failures in life. I mean really, I'm not a huge success, but do you see me blaming Hispanics for it? I'm doing ok- I'm in college, not getting all Fs, and I do have my own business after a fashion, but you wouldn't mistake me for one of the countries' most successful people.

I wouldn't mind so much if they didn't give us all that rhetoric about the hard work we supposedly aren't doing, but to talk a big game about hard work, and then complain that they aren't just handed spots but now have to compete against people of other races is too much. I mean, if it's really so hard and bad, why don't they do what they say we should do against actual obstacles, and pull themselves up by the bootstraps? Oh, it's not that easy when you're the one who has to work? Oooooh well. You made your bed of shit, you lie in it.

Also, I saw this really awesome spray paint art, which used a stencil, around on some poles and sidewalks when I was walking to the store. The form of George W. Bush was recognizable, and the words "one term president" were underneath him. I thought it was great.

In more news, I feel much better about my extensive need for reference to draw anything but blobs after reading Howard Cruse's story. Of course, some panels of my comic are drawn unreferenced, and look like crap.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

I don't know whether people hated Team USA because of racism or not, but this checklist is great.

"We deal with our racism in three ways: 1.) Some of us revel in it and look for ways to celebrate and exploit it; 2.) Some of us deny its existence; and 3.) Some of us acknowledge it and try to combat it on a daily basis."

Type 1 is all the folks throwing loud hissy fits because they can't say the n word without getting the oh so dreaded hairy eye. Type 2 is when people say "well, I don't see why blacks always ask for handouts". Type 3 is very rare, and involves a lot of work and study, and it's much more morally satisfying to act like a cooze.

Why the focus on whites? Well, other ethnicities hating us is not cool, but let's say all the Asians in the country decided blacks were all lazy and stupid. How many Asians are in Congress making the laws? 5 in the House, and 2 in the Senate. They certainly couldn't push through anti black laws all by themselves. But the whites could. How many Asians are doing the hiring and the firing at companies? Asians are only 5 percent of the population, and most of them aren't in control at companies. So even if the Asians all hated us, and wished we were dead, we wouldn't have to live in much fear of their attitude. Also, Asians haven't made much penetration in the media- there are Asians in the media, but seriously, they get less access than blacks, and we barely get anything.

Whites can afford a whole industry-radio(Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage), books(The Bell Curve, every other Blacks Are Stupid, Whites Off the Hook book ever), TV(The O'Rielly Show), movies(nuff said) to bad mouth up on black folk. Asians? They got Michelle Malkin, and I bet she's financed by some white dude. Asians aren't crowding the text book committees where they can choose books highlighting Asian history and ignoring everyone elses'.

Basically, Asians all hating us would be tragic, but their relative lack of power and population means that it'd be more of an annoyance than something one must take into account in their everyday lives. That's why you see people defining racism as prejudice + power to differentiate something like Tyrell calling Bob a cracker from Bob's Dad refusing to hire blacks because they aren't 'qualified' despite their qualifications being better than whites or law makers slashing important programs for everyone because of a misplaced belief that it punishes minorities.

One hurts someone's feelings slightly, another fucks up their whole life. This last sentence is why you'll often see me ranting- I just can't get used to the idea that people sincerely think their hurt feelings are more important than our lives, and would cling to any excuse about it. It's going to take me a lot of time to really get used to the idea.

Even white folks(well, I guess I do tend to talk mostly to nice white people, so that may cause a bias) don't get this stuff, so it's even harder for me.
"What may surprise the reader most of all is that, for all its social historical significance, race can no longer be considered a valid scientific concept. In the terms of human genetic science, there is no such thing as race...there are no hard and fast racial boundaries, and few significant differences other than the mostly superficial elements of outward physical appearance, exist among the numerous human populations around the world"-The Civilizations of Africa- A History to 1800 p. 9

This is an important concept. I urge anyone reading this to meditate on it, and not in a self serving kind of way- if you are making excuses for a lack of justice, then race is still salient to you.
It's time for wallpaper of the week! Another Utena theme! I just love the art, and the show's theme of 'the awful truth'.

This post (the last one on the page) has a really good explanation of the black view vs the white view of racism. To blacks, racism is a real thing that has effects, but to whites, to define racism is just to try to find a way to condemn certain behavior, but to avoid including the racist things they do themselves. Although I do tend to use racism for real racism, i.e. not the whining of whites when they are critiqued and told to be nice people, so it might confuse people. The problem is that whites can't really *feel* racism so they are pretty blind in describing it unless they make an effort, and they refuse to, and will cry and act like babies when the rest of all tell them to act in a respectable manner. Some may say I am being a little harsh, but attributing the attributes of whites that are attempting to be anti racist to the rest of the whites gives us all a distorted picture.

It'd be nice if all the whites sincerely wanted to get along, and didn't just want to defend their power at the expense of everyone else. But it'd also be nice if wealth was distributed equally, and we all could eat ice cream without getting fat. We shouldn't base our ideas on assumptions that don't fit reality- and one of the awful truths I have learned is that whites enjoy racism.

To a more intelligent person, I'm sure this is obvious- I mean, if they didn't like it, they'd just stop, but I thought maybe it was propelled by unseen social forces or something. I was wrong. Then again, I'm still pretty young, and can recover from my naivete. But I'm still pretty shocked at that idea, that they enjoy hurting other people, or either that just don't care who they hurt, and since I'm so young, my personal feelings are hurt.

Like how dare they hate my race(and me by extension) because of a bunch of BS that has nothing to do with us! Yes, cognitive dissonance(blacks are in a bad position + it can't possibly be our fault despite freely available historical evidence-----> blacks are terrible people. ) Yes, ignorance. Yes, desire to maintain power. But they choose to have these responses. Other white people are able to actually want to get along on everyone's terms, not just white terms, so I just don't see why they'd rather hate us than have a just society. Then again, other people have different values, but it's shocking to me how we have to suffer about their lack of moral values.

So you'll hear me be very bitter and grumpy, as I am assimilating this awful truth. I am also pissed off when women are blamed for rape. If all men stopped raping, that would be like 90% of all rapes gone right there, so whose fault is it? Certainly not the woman's! It's the same stupidity right there.

Friday, September 03, 2004

I bet people think folks are living large on that $327 a month too...
The weird part is that people like this lady only get their positions because of their race, but try to deemphasize race. If you're a black person, and are willing to sell out your own people or play to white ignorance, you get more money and attention than a black person who takes a black positive position. If a white person had written something this vapid, they probably wouldn't have taken this crap, because we could all see it for the clap trap that it was. But because it's a black person selling this shit, they put her on. I'd like to say again- shame on sell outs.

We don't need a bunch of claptrap assuring white people that everything's fine, massa, and all the other darkies are just lying. You know how they are, massa. Fuck that slave shit. If slavery is so over, why do these people have to suck the white man's fucking dick to get some mainstream coverage? Of course, there are a lot of intelligent progressive publications featuring black voices, but that's not what most people pick their world view from.

I'd like to warn black folk- don't let white folk create your view of what you are, and what you can be. They start lying, saying all the black folk but you are lazy and stupid, you're special- don't believe them. Trying to be the 'special negro' seems like a good way to fracture yourself and ruin your integrity. Folks say that all black folk can't learn, challenge them. They say we don't read books? Look at all the black books being published now, and tell them how much they lie.

Folks say slavery is good, and that we should be grateful? Don't accept that lie. We can live just fine not under someone else's thumb, thank you. Don't rely on the white man to educate you about your history. Even the most kind, open minded white person up in the classroom may not be able to get you to what you need to know! I'm not saying blacks are automatically superior teachers, but it's really hard to get past all those lies they are told, especially the part about how black people and culture are inferior, and that they are superior.

Don't let anyone tell you that you don't matter, you don't count, and that your concerns are not important. Who the fuck are they to try to set your agenda? You set your own agenda.
I hate whitey!

...but in degrees. Like I'm cool with whites that are just kind of naive, but are well meaning. Like if they say stupid stuff like "Do blacks even exist in the future?" I'll be annoyed, but not in a god, I hate white people kind of way. This guy was all like that yesterday, and I explained gently that white males aren't exactly inclusive in the sorts of people they put in, as they tend to only interact with other whites. That's annoying, but not rage inducing.

The things that really make me go, god, I hate white people is when they A)act like everything is fine and dandy and that there isn't any responsibility to be laid at anyone's feet B)act like blacks are inherently inferior.

A)I really hate it when whites try to act like "Why isn't there a white history month?" is as valid a complaint as "Why do whites who are criminals get hired more than college educated blacks?" If you try to pretend everything's fair, you just make things more unfair. I mean seriously, do these people have bad brains or something? What you do in the past affects the future! That's why I am intermittently doing my stats homework! Because if I do my homework in the past, I'll have it to hand in in the future! And things that happen in the past have cumulative effects- the more I don't do my stats homework, the lower my grade gets, and if my teacher refuses to mark it because she doesn't like my handwriting, I still get a bad grade.

B)The old blacks don't succeed because they don't work hard enough or aren't smart enough thing. I'm sorry, but that attitude disqualifies you for decent human beinghood right there. If you want to be willfully ignorant, that's fine, but why don't you kill yourself instead of polluting the world? There is plenty of evidence that blacks have attempted time after time to amass on their basic human worth. If you refuse to see it, well, fuck you. You too lazy to read? FUCK YOU. Can't think? FUCK YOU. If you choose whiteness over humanity, fuck you.

And shame on blacks that encourage these dirt bags. Too bad that traitors can't be punished.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

It seems that there are some shenanigans going on in NYC, on the part of the police. I'd personally be too scared to get anywhere near the police, although my brother was all like I'd love to be in NYC, getting maced by the fuzz, and I'm all like I'm curious, but don't want to go anywhere near the police. For example, this person reports a police officer saying that she was on a 23 hour shift- how clear are they going to be thinking if they are overworked? People tend to forget that at a certain level of sleep deprivation and overwork, which is different for everyone, good sense breaks down...

Also, here are some worrying rumors. I really hope that the part about bystanders getting swept up is made up. I'm not saying that protesters should be detained, but at least they were aware of the possibility, and could plan accordingly.
This is my 800th post. Yesterday, I mailed off my request for an absentee ballot. You can do it too! You don't have to passively sit back and take shit- do something.

Also, I totally agree with this guy. You don't need to oppress yourself, after you've already been oppressed. I think it is oppressing yourself when you internalize the same lies that people have lied on you with. You gotta do some soul searching about this, y'all.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

It's again, and they want you to sponsor people to get out the vote in swing states.
As an African American woman who blogs, I'd like to say this. This whole 'where are the female bloggers' thing is really annoying. Women blog plenty- see who is doing most of the livejournals. It's just that when a woman(or a black person) blogs about politics, they act like it's somehow not political. Just because a blogger doesn't blog about stupid stuff like where Kerry was on Christmas of 1968 or what color Bush's underwear is doesn't mean they aren't making a political statement. Also, people tend to see only blogs that blog about politics every single post as political blogs, which is kind of silly- my blog is in a very large way about politics, and just because I may jump in every few posts and talk about good anime or how the cafeteria at my school now has a foreign drinks machine, doesn't make my blog non political.

Then again, my definition of political is probably different than other people's. It's like people acting like manga aren't comics, and that if someone is reading manga, they aren't reading 'real comics'. Just because my politics aren't bound up in the party intrigues, but in issues that I feel need to be addressed doesn't make my blog non political. I agree with Trish Wilson's comment about how progressive males need to stop asking and start linking.

I mean, saying that there is sexism is a good start, but action is always the best policy. Just talking can raise consciousness, but after two or three times, some solutions should be on the table. Also, I don't think male feminists should act like they can tell female feminists what should be on their agenda, and what they should suggest. Males are welcome to contribute, but acting like they own the place should be discouraged. To create a new world, people will have to change themselves, I think.