Kactus is working hard, but the sad part is that we can't always do what is right all the time. So we have several solutions- we could acknowledge that we don't always do what is in accord with our ideology, we could change our ideology so that what we do is right, or we could complain about it. Personally I prefer the first one, because it has the crisp purity of having ideological standards, but with more flexibility. I don't like the second as it's too hmm..floppy.. for me. I'm of course suspicious as it seems that standards get watered down so much that we end up equating feminist with "yea, this person got shot out of their mama's crotch alright". That's why you get shit like this feminists for life crap. It ties in with that Logic of Failure book I was talking about too. They see a good thing 'more babies' and ignore the bad consequences of the actions they take to gain that goal- such as dead mothers(the reason we can't take all pregnancies to term is that some are dangerous), economic problems(this can hurt living children) and the like.
That's why you need to be clear on what your reason is for feminism. We all have goals that sound good, but we have to be sure on our methods. What sounds good might not actually be good. Of course, another problem is that we all come from different backgrounds. To me, the idea that people don't know all of what is in their own minds is old hat. My true identity is a psych geek. I've heard all about sweet lemons(the opposite of sour grapes), rationalization, defense mechanisms, etc, til when I put things together it sounds confusing.
So like, when I don't hear men enjoying the amazing fun of kitten heels, I get sort of suspicious. Also, if armpit hair really caused you to be a stinky mess, why would men have it? Nor do you hear a lot of men talking about the freedom and wonder of pretending to be gay for the ladies, even though women consider this hot since they spend hundreds of hours writing about the gay sex adventures of fictional characters. Why is that?