Tuesday, June 13, 2006

I feel 80% not sorry for yelling at max, but on the other hand, it's sometimes hard for folks with teh priv to understand the issues involved. Now, the ideal is being held up as something that is impossible for us to attain. Commercials are always harping on how 'damaged' 'frizzy' hair is. Your Barbies look like white girls dipped in chocolate. If you're lucky enough to see a film in which the black girl gets the man- she is most often enough that same type. 99.9999% of black women are invisible, while white girls if they are thin enough, are splashed all over the screen. They even get the best parts in porn. So when black boys grow up and start talking about how they prefer or try to use stereotypes as the reason that they date white, I don't blame folks for not giving them the benefit of the doubt on whether they like white chicks for the right reasons. I'm ready to hand out exceptions, but folks who condescend to me aren't going to get any of those.

Especially when you think about how all the guys suddenly think this type of chick is hot, while ignoring all the others, you have to be suspicious that they were like 'yea, using independent thought and my experiences I've decided all black women are ugly golddiggers". Like the Asian fetish. All the sudden Asian women are 'exotic' (like what the fuck? They are the most common people on the planet, aren't they?),'submissive'(Yea right, all the Asian women I know can kick my ass!) and on and on. Now not all white men dating Asian men are dating them because of the stereotype, but if he can only date Asian women, you gotta say hmmmm... Likewise, if someone's preferences rule out a whole race, now you gotta say hmmm.. Think about it. Why is that she is white higher on the list than is she not crazy, or does she have a job? I'm not saying that every guy in an interracial relationship is doing it for the wrong reasons, but the fact that white feminity is put on a pedestal is enough to make folks suspicious if a guy just can't seem to find a black woman attractive.

I think another factor in this is the fact that it's a self perpetuating cycle. Let's say that I decide that black men are all thugs. I could find signs of thuggishness in everything they do. My college student cousin wears baggy jeans. That annoying Bible thumper guy is a thug because he listens to rap. And on and on. And of course there is the black person conundrum just intra instead of interracial. Basically, if a guy with that sort of mindset dates a black woman and she sucks, all black women suck. But if a white woman sucks, oh, that's just crazy Becky. That's why you need to get your mind straight. Of course you could condescend and expect folks to be nice to people who have spit in their face, but..

Jen talks about how interracial relationships won't end racism. I agree- especially when you have people who instead of seeing their partner for themselves are more concerned with their status on society's hierarchy than what they really have to offer. Also, in this discussion of interracial relationships, we see black men pulling out the same tired stereotypes that I bitched about in this post.

I think there is less anger about black women/white men relationships because black women do a whole lot less complaining about what black men can't/won't do. Now let's use my thug example. Let's say black women kept talking about how they couldn't date black men because they were thugs. With AIDs. You're a clean cut black man who is studying pre med. But you still have to hear this dumb stereotype, despite your fine personal qualities. Even though you're the exact opposite of a thug, you still have to deal with blanket proclamations that black men can't be dated, because of some dudes that you don't know and have nothing to do with. And then some folks have the nerve to act like there are tons of guys who somehow magically woke up without any trace of this crazy society and just happened not to be attracted to black women.

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