Friday, December 31, 2004

An interesting dynamic. The woman who is actually the point of discussion here doesn't talk as much as the author or the interviewer, who seems to be trying to push a certain narrative less than he was in the other interview about this book(the one with just the author). Although there was a slightly fruitful argument with the author at the end. I might think about it some more.

Also, Communion by bell hooks is a very good look at the role of love in women's lives. She says that since people seem to determine women's worth by who desires her, that may give people skewed ideas about love, not to mention the fact that everyone just assumes that women are all naturally nurturing and that submissiveness and care are the only valid ways to show love, also distort the idea of love.

There are also good critiques where feminists need to go farther, even as they protect the gains they already have made. hooks does a good job of pointing out the improvements that feminism has created in American women's lives.
This story was very interesting- one of the most interesting parts is that the author is actually audibly upset about the mismanagement that private companies had made of Milwaukee's welfare system. Of course, all of that, and the actual human stories of the women will be ignored, so people can say all blacks are lazy and stupid.

This story is also really good. Basically this segment is about environmental racism. Luckily, environmental racism is a big tangible thing- a lack of supermarkets, bad housing quality, and dumping of hazardous materials near places where people of color live. Also, here are some photos of protests of the army depot in Memphis. My grand dad worked at it a really long time ago. Memphis has some fucked up environmental issues near it's black community.

There's a big fat refinery out there belching all those fumes. I'm sorry, but my cousin got a scholarship from them and I was like what? is that the sorry for poisoning all y'all scholarship? A lot of my cousins do have asthma, and my aunt has had really bad lung issues, and couldn't work for a long time. (Luckily she is better now) So we have to be aware of issues that effect the whole community,ok?

Thursday, December 30, 2004

I am reading America:The Book. I'm happy with the high grade of satire, but I am sad that many who read it won't get it. Oh well!

Also, seriously, I totally don't get white people. Yes, I'm aware that their ancestors did kill a bunch of people, and set up a system of oppression that benefits them to this day, but I don't think anyone would have hard feelings toward them if they just cleaned up their act and acted like decent human beings. Why is that so hard? It's not about whether you can avoid responsibility, people, it's about fixing the problem. I just don't get it.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

You know, often I have a little doubt in my mind while reading the news. Like how can I tell that this organization isn't just some front for some right wing think tank or a bunch of corporate pr firms trying to manipulate my opinion? This is a brilliant post about how we are all getting punked.
Charity- it's the obligation we pay for living nicely on the earth. We have a lot of people suffering from the earthquake and the tsunamis. Just give a few dollars, and you could save a kid from dying from hunger or waterborne disease. Please give now.

Also, I was reading this article, and was thinking. Maybe this whole "reverse racism" lie is an expression of fear of loss of cultural hegemony? For example,instead of acting like everyone is a white man, and if they aren't, they should try to get that way, or at least feel bad about it, now we are opening things up- blacks can now run big companies, native americans are getting their story told, and most of us normal people don't care if someone speaks spanish.

So instead of having a special place in society, you are becoming more and more just another group. That's not what you were told(well, not told literally, more like people acted like the world was that way- this is a random theory proposed by random white guys off the street, so might be weird) the world was supposed to be like! So you act like a giant pussy. And that's today's theory.
A man going by the name of Noah TA is illustrating the pitfalls of a one size fits all approach to problems using the example of his son. This inspired me to think about how many times you can't really take the same problem, and think it has the same solution all the time because often it has a different cause.

For example, school failure. Sometimes the kid has a learning disability, sometimes they are tired because of problems at home, sometimes they simply don't see how doing a million work sheets will benefit them. You can't treat all of these problems with "STUPID MOTHERFUCKER" can you? I don't think you can treat any of them that way, but I'm a liberal.

Monday, December 27, 2004

This sort of thing always confuses me. So I'm reading about dumb excuses for slavery, and I'm like "if you got nothing to do with slavery, why make excuses for it?" I mean seriously, with all that energy they spend, they could just try to make amends and not do it again. If they are doing especially good- they could fight against slave labor in today's world. It's pretty simple to outsiders.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Jimi Izrael has a really good piece on white privilege. Read the whole thing please. It has always mystified me that whites get all testy if I say "white people" without a bunch of qualifiers. I mean, when blacks are slammed on, we don't get some blacks or a tiny minority of asshats, we get black people. It's really strange because somehow all whites get the credit if some whites do something good. For example, some whites are hard working, and smart. However, it is not true that all whites are smart and hard working- many whites are in fact, lazy and stupid. But somehow all whites get the credit for the smart whites, and none of this transfers for bad actions- for example, whites can act like they have nothing to do with stupid meth heads or slave owning bigots.

This is the opposite for blacks. For example, I am a black entrepreneur on a limited basis and I go to college. There are many blacks who own businesses, are doctors, lawyers, go to college, raise their kids in a good manner, work hard at their jobs etc,etc. These people who we call non asshats may be the majority of the black population- basically making do under the circumstances. However, do these people get to be thought of as the representative blacks? No, apparently no matter what we do, the one black guy who is the asshat is the representative for the entire race.

That's not cool. Some black people, they are idiots. We as a whole can't really do much about it. It's like George W Bush. He's an idiot. He makes the worst decisions ever. Imagine that whenever he does something stupid, people say " man, those white people" but whenever some white scientist does something awesome, people try to explain it away.

"So Bob invented the cure for cancer! Congrats!" "No, he didn't, he worked with a team" "But don't all researchers work with a team?" "No, only lazy white inventors. And plus, it only cures about 70% of cancer patients. What kind of cure is that?" and so on and so forth. And if they actually did accept that Bob did cure cancer, they'd make it out like he was the 'special' white person- no other white people could achieve anything,etc,etc.

Well, I'm off topic. Jimi says he is not interested in asking questions about white people. I'm the opposite. I'm almost indecently curious. It seems somehow wrong to just float along assuming that you're the norm. It is really fascinating to me. I guess that is the influence of different personality types.

Friday, December 24, 2004

In this discussion at Vision Circle, it was suggested that Cosby go and say "Hey, you're a single mom with X kids? Go to this place- clean yourself up"(that's just the gist of one post- read it all) Interestingly enough, I don't think he'd be getting any publicity for his tour if he did that. Like it really sounds good to blame and say we are all lazy and inferior. But it's not a very good idea- what we need is a black Conquergood- in the book The Spirit Catches You and Then You Fall Down- he didn't go up to the Hmong and say "You guys are all dirty idiots. I'm better than you, and I know what's right for you".

No, he went in, wasn't judgmental, and had interventions that went with their cultural milieu. It's like this- we can sit around high and mighty in judgment, and let parts of our country rot, or we can get off our high horses. I mean seriously, we got black folk acting like they are better than other black folk because they got a little money. I see white folk working harder with inner city youth than I see some black people(not to say the white folk are never racist or classist or don't make annoying blunders- but I'll give you credit for doing something)

Yes, some of the people will be asshats. However, Ken Lay stole money from a lot of people, and President Bush sent people off to war without planning enough, and we still give money to stuff that helps white people, and still volunteer to help them, and think they are all just the bees knees. I don't think compassion is limited, and we can only give it to people who meet a certain standard.

People may say "But you're rewarding bad behavior". I'm not saying that we gotta let all the murderers out of jail or anything, just don't always have the meter running with any thing that you don't like (she wasn't wearing rags- no compassion for her!) being immediate grounds for "fuck you". I mean seriously, I don't like how the meter is always running on me, and I'm not even broke. The whole one mistake and you're awful thing gets old.

This isn't to say that many blacks aren't doing things in their community, but they just have to notice if they do something positive and help people out, it's not going to get any press, but the second they say anything negative, even if it's in a sea of positive comments, all ears will train in on it and spread it around. America loves to hate black people, it seems.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Another aspect of white priv- if you're white, you get better health care. Why don't we try to fix that, instead of trying to remove sand out of orifices?

Also, I think Christmas songs don't have enough moping about death. My favorite Christmas songs this season(The Platter's cloying but somehow appealing What Made the Baby Cry and Vanessa's Williams I Wonder as I Wander) have a healthy amount about moping about Jesus' death, and What Made the Baby Cry also adds the heavy implication that we make baby jesus cry.
I'm happy to say that Anna Q is talking some sense. It's pretty easy to put up a plastic baby Jesus and say "we're number one", but it takes balls to actually do something Jesus would like on his birthday- like loving your neighbor, or helping people out. Of course, this should happen all year- Christians should stop trying to make our laws all fucked up, and try to make their communities better places to be. Instead of saying bad things behind that unwed mother's back, why don't you come by with a fresh cooked meal or offer some day care? Instead of bitching about 'lazy people', why don't you volunteer at programs for at risk children? There are so many kind giving loving things that Christians can do, that are more in the spirit of their religion.

Another interesting thing is that ice and snow has gotten all over the place and everything is closed and everyone is in a panic. I might make Xmas cookies, because my mom is too injured to make them. You know the pain is bad when she actually took her medicine(not that she should- that Celebrex stuff isn't good for you...or so it seems to my science illterate mind..)

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

The UCC has launched a counter attack- they want people to write letters to the FCC complaining about the censoring of their advertisement. Go to this site, and see what they have to say, and see if you want to support them. I already have. I sent off a letter, but I might give some money, just so there will be more promotion of church people who don't hate gays on the airwaves.

I personally am not religious. If all powerful beings talk to people, I haven't heard them. But I think that religion can be a tool for good or evil, and I think more people need to use it for good. I don't know why, but somehow I felt a mood of peace come over me in the last few minutes. Maybe we are on the cusp of an awakening- everyone is working so hard to advance the country, and many small revolutions are going on every day, as well as many small miracles. By the time I am my parent's age, this society will be unrecognizable, and I have the belief right now that it'll be for the better.
I'm really amused by this bitch. She wants to whine about the consequences of her own stupid actions. I could wear a prom dress saying "I think it's ok to murder white people" but it's my own damn fault if colleges decide that they don't want a person who thinks murder is cool in their school. She choose to wear a symbol that flew over tons of Klan rallies, so she loses some scholarship money for being an asshat. I like how folks think that personal responsibility doesn't apply to them.

Monday, December 20, 2004

I have started a mailing list for those interested in swapping gift subs to progressive magazines, just talking about them, too. The goal of this is to kind of pool our money and get progressive magazines out there with a greater readership. I'm too much of a lazy bugger to write, but many people my age are energetic and full of passion- they need a market where they can write, and even sometimes get paid, and that's not going to happen with just a few Seventeens and Ellegirls out there.
Here's an interesting article on economics, a field that I know nothing about. Of course, in a few days, I'll have assimilated the new information and parts of it will probably show up on this blog. Apparently other people don't do this, and that's why they don't make any sense.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

stopping smoking may cause you to gain weight. Also, taking birth control pills and anti depressants can cause weight gain. The use of those medications have increased. But of course, the new thought repellent field will start up, and we'll have to hear about how fat people are just simply bad people and the whole country will explode because some people aren't up to beauty standard.

Also, I didn't understand this series, so my brain rendered it as a sci fi story, and the problems with the whites as problems that could spill out and infect all of us. I bet when I am older, I'll understand what the fuck this guy is talking about.
I haven't read the Earthsea books. Nor have I seen the series except for bits and pieces that dad is watching. But Ursula Le Guin talked about how she wasn't really involved with it. Since this is informally a race blog, I thought it would be good to link to her blog post about the Earthsea white wash.
So I got Othello the manga, and while there were some good OWNED!!!! scenes, there wasn't enough dress up for my taste. Also, I was looking at Bomb the Suburbs again, and don't know whether I like it better than No More Prisons or not. No More Prisons has more concrete solutions and information from enlightened people, but Bomb the Suburbs has more silly stories about say, the time Wimsatt thought he was hard and thought he could call someone the n word and got body slammed. I'll have to read more.

I was talking to this dude, and he was all like (about racial issues) no one wants to lose their position. On one hand, I guess he is talking sense, on the other hand, it's really hard for me to understand how someone would rather be king of the hill in a crappy country than middle of the heap in a good one.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

P6 is talking about blacks in the job force. I was thinking about stuff, and I was feeling weird, like you know, I kinda hurt for the white folks and stuff, because you know... it's like if you have a friend, and he's like acting like a total asshole in public and you just cringe and just feel terrible for him? It's like that, although I still feel kinda mad, because you know, the whole racism thing totally plugs into my worst fear- that you can't please people- that no matter what you do, everyone will be unhappy. And so the fact that in racism it's true freaks me out. You know how it is, if you have a job, you're taking the white man's job, if you have your own business, it's not good enough, and if you're unemployed, you might as well just kill yourself, and on and on and on. No matter what you do, it's wrong.

Although on one hand, you have to feel sorry for people who have a whole identity based on not having any responsibility for anything(from what I can tell- it seems that they seriously think making excuses absolves them from responsibility) On the other, it's like screw you- you decided to act dumb- you take the consequences of your own fucking actions. I'm torn between vengeance and empathy. On one hand you run the risk of being too hard, on the other hand, you run the risk of letting justice not be done.

I often err on the side of vengeance just because we have so many soft pedal, oh, I love ya white folks people out there. There's a huge difference between liking white folks as friends and like thinking any thing they do is ok. It's like if you had a black pal, and you knew he was calling the white chicks snowflake and all sorts of weird shit out of their name. You like the guy, but you gotta say "Dude, you're being a fucking idiot".

Also, Vision Circle talks about Kwanzaa. I never got white folks all being like it's a made up holiday. Like what the fuck? Like no one made up Christmas? I don't think Jesus(if he existed) was even born in December! I think the holiday is on this date to coincide with pagan solstice. But apparently if some black folks dress up and give each other handmade gifts and talk about responsibility, that's bad. I just don't get it. I don't go around to folks and saying that humans thought up fasting for Ramadan, and so no one should celebrate it. I guess the thing is that I just don't see ragging about differences that don't affect me.

Like you see me bicthing about white folk, but if they all lived on an island and didn't bother me, I'd probably not worry much. I mean, in Saudi Arabia, they have pretty fucked up rules about women, but I don't complain much about them. I think it's because I feel sort of hesitant to just barge in on someone else's culture and start shouting orders, because I'm not white. I swear, kids that have never been in a ghetto ever in their lives, will become mr junior sociologist, when it's time to shit on black folk. So I'm a bit wary of just reading a few news articles and then deciding I am the expert and that I should tell other people want to do.

Friday, December 17, 2004

I have a new theory today. My theory is that where ever someone has privilege, someone else must sacrifice for it. For example, if I get cheap clothes, most of the time is is because kids have been sewing them in sweatshops. For me to get cheap clothes, they must sacrifice, which isn't right. For white americans to assuage their fears, they must sacrifice black youth to the jail house. Sure, there may be secondary effects on the people who get the privilege, but they own the effects of what they have done. Secondary effects in this case would be waste of talent, and waste of tax payer money.

I wish that somehow we could have a world where everyone would pull their weight, without exploiting anyone. That of course would be a utopia, but that doesn't mean we can't make the world a bit better.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Jobs, not Jail Also, there is a new campaign out. Working Assets wants us to never surrender our values and our country. Don't let this country go into the dark ages without a fight. Look at this amazing PBS website. This is really well put together and informative. I wish people would show this to high school students or middle school students- get them actually thinking about issues. Like all over people are working hard to explain the issues- people just refuse to listen. The background articles are particularly useful and informative. You have a computer- use it to increase your knowledge.
Here a fun hoax for you today. (warning: the hoax link itself is nsfw- featuring both breasts and vagina, uncovered). I think it's a hoax, because come on, who has time to shave their pussy, even if they are not in a war zone? Also, would they really allow her to just walk around with heavy weapons just to show her pussy, and would they even allow a clit ring? I think not.
The porn star look is a dead giveaway for me.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

P6 works hard and drops science. It made me think of something my mom said. If you ever meet anyone that anything you do is alright with them, well, you know they aren't your friend. P6 is being a friend to the whites here, because he wants them to take responsibilty. I am too, but I am young and more grumpy. The people who got your back are the ones who know when you are wrong. People may say, but wait a minute, aren't you kinda grumpy when people slam blacks? It's because we're getting slammed for other folk's sins and that's not right.

Also, I kind of agree with this girl( well, more after she explains herself than in the initial post) I mean, I love that everyone has their unique style and all, but if I want to wear a shirt from like the gap and some jeans I wouldn't post it on a fruits community, because that's not a very exciting fashion- same as I never post any of my loli inspired fashion on EGL- it's more like "bleh" than "wow", and there's enough "bleh" in the fashion world without spreading it around on the internet.

I don't understand why the judge felt the need to wear blackface. You know, you can dress up in a jumpsuit without doing something that you know is a dumb thing to do. He acted stupid, he should pay the consequences. The thread is an interesting mix- there is a lot of whites who are pretty ignorant, but there are some other people who are trying to explain why people might not be cool with blackface. One of the most interesting arguments was the fact that black people have a reason to dislike whites, but whites don't have a reason to dislike blacks.

For example, let's take racial rumors. A white racial rumor is blacks are all criminals. Because of that racial rumor, they'll arrest more blacks(because you'll usually find what you are looking for- they sure weren't busting those pot smoking underage drinking white folk I was with yesterday) and fuck up their lives. Thus causing dislike. A black racial rumor is that white people have lice. While not true as far as I can tell, the worst thing that would happen was that someone says "no thank you" to comb sharing.

I'm trying to articulate how systematic oppression differs from individual assholeness. Like if people didn't stereotype all blacks as criminals, then no one would care, and if it was only that one guy who did it, no one would care either. It's just a big subject with a lot of nuances and things to think about, and you can't really reduce it to little cute slogans or rules that cut both ways, because both situations aren't the same.

There's a big difference between saying "Hey, you say I suck, but you're wrong, I rock"(black pride) and "I am entitled to terrorize and kill people" (white pride- what are the principle activities of white pride groups? not school breakfast for sure). There's a big difference between starting with everyone assuming you're good enough, and starting with everyone assuming you're a worthless idiot.

Man, it's such a huge subject! Like there's interlocking oppressions, the role of history, the role of responsibility(I am a bit creeped out about how whites try to disclaim any responsibility for anything- if you say you're not responsible, then any amount of bad behavior can be excused), the role of self hate, systems versus individuals. It's so much bigger than one line from MLK and saying you are colorblind.

I feel almost insulted that white people think that the issue of race is too scary to confront. Sure,it is their problem that they created, but that should make it even more interesting. I don't think the way to deal with social problems is to run away crying, it's to fight them head on. I mean seriously, racism is kinda like buying sweatshop clothing. It's wrong, you do have a choice, society supports it(how many stores do you go to that even carry non sweatshop stuff, let alone all non sweatshop?), and you shouldn't whine if called out on it. It's not the big bad boogie man out to get you, or an 'accusation'.

It's like grow up folk. And one day I'll tell you about John Waters.
I don't get it. I could see if they had a portrait of Bush doing obscene sex acts, and if that happened, that's what only letting people over 18 into a special space is for. But just a picture of Bush made out of monkeys? What the fuck? Hopefully this is just a publicity stunt about the march of fascism or something.

Monday, December 13, 2004

There is a whole rich world of mommy blogs out there. Interesting. Well, also, infertility blogs. Although I like mommy blogs due to vicarious cuteness..
What a 180 pound woman may actually look like. Here's a grainy picture of a 100 pounder. Based on proportions, height and other factors, there's huge differences in how your weight looks on you. I wish I had that picture from fark where a 135 pound woman was playing Paris Hilton. Many people simply don't know what weight looks like on different body types.

Another problem is encouraging weight loss for vanity. If we weren't so focused on weight loss, we'd all be a lot healthier. I mean, a person may eat healthy and exercise, but never actually look thin. What does it profit us that that person decides to give up because they aren't losing weight?

Sunday, December 12, 2004

My blogging activity has gone up as my anxiety level abut this final goes up. If I was any good at stats, I'd be thinking about the correlation between the two. I was looking at Bitch Has Word, so I wouldn't have to think about how fucked fucked fucked I am, and how hard the test is going to be, and how I can't calculate an anova by hand and why do I have to do that and suchlike, and then I was reading this commenter and he was all equality of opportunity, not results.

Like I've heard that phase before, but like what's the point of that? I mean, opportunity is kind of a nebulous thing that is kinda floating out there, but results you can measure. I guess the real reason is so that they don't have to be accountable, but like what's the reason SUPPOSED to be? Like do these people even think before they start parroting these kinds of catch phases. It's like when they say stuff like every crime's a hate crime, do they even know what it is?

Like what ever happened to our George Will conservatives? Maybe they didn't like babies, women or black people , and maybe they were a bit too optimistic about the free market, but at least they made some sort of logical sense that you could try to understand their argument. Like if they said we should not have hate crimes laws, and also not have several different degrees of murder at the same time, at least that would be consistent, or if they said that corporations AND poor women could BOTH sod off, at least that would make some sense!

But maybe I am thinking of libertarians, not republicans. Probably. I hate math, so all this math has confused me, and made me mix the two up. I only got in 4 good hours of studying today. I'll wake up early to do it again.
This article is about the myth of acting white. However, it'll also show an interesting effect I predict. People will not change their belief about acting white in the face of this new information. I mean, I heard some boys making fun of another boy for acting white! How can the acting white story not be true?! Well, I have some ideas. First, there is selective perception. When I was a kid, I was even more awkward than I was today. I also loved books. Thus, kids of all races were like ahhahaa, you're smart! What a dork you are! This was because they were immature jerks who were jealous of my smartness. (well, at least that's my version) But to others, the white kids were making fun of me because they were immature jerks, and the black kids, to keep me down(like the Man, but shorter). (asians of all types, arabs, and others went to high school with me , but I don't remember any of them making fun of me in elementary)

Also, this perception would ignore the times I was held in higher esteem by black kids because of my smartness. Another reason may be that what we think means you care about school doesn't. Like people think you don't care about school if you speak ebonics. However, many of my cousins speak ebonics, and many of them are in college, and have scholarships due to their As. Also, wearing expensive clothes like rap artists wear, having a stylish hairstyle, and going out clubbing do not make you do bad in school or not care about school either. Caring about school makes you care about school- you can still want to be cool, and want to study at the same time.

We may also be ignoring social factors. Do the kids get enough to eat? Do their parents have time to check their homework? How about the schools? Got enough certified teachers? That may affect their performance and attitude towards school. There are many other explanations that can be considered before just assuming that we are all up to no good. Of course having this said, the popular perception of blacks as lazy shiftless people who are so much worse than the rest of the population won't change.

My guess is for some blacks, saying that sort of thing, gets them attention and they feel better than other blacks. If I can say that I'm the only good black, maybe my low self esteem is enhanced. Also, whites and people of other races also have their self esteem enhanced. "I am so much better than blacks" they may think. Of course, you'd think they'd base their self esteem on actual achievements, but that's the way it goes.

You know, another thing may be projection. People who like to believe this sort of thing may want to keep others down so that they look better, and then project their weird thoughts on little black kids. Another reason may be that they are looking only at Tyrone, who has behavioral problems, and ignoring Porche, Ronisha and Montavious who sit in their seats and do their work. There are many hard working and successful blacks- this study, despite some sexism(why is it bad that more black women have degrees? I think the men can adjust to their smart and successful sistahs) talks about the many blacks getting degrees. Also, open a copy of Black Enterprise- blacks are working hard and succeeding in business. Also, instead of "why don't you lazy n words save your money" we get the Black Wealth Initiative. You know, that might help build capital for the next generation of blacks?

Things are better than they have ever been for us, and still all we get is doom and gloom and why can't you be more like x people or y people. It totally ignores our hard work. It's like I got all As in three subjects and a C in one subject, and all you see is that C, totally ignoring all the good stuff. I need a good celebratory zine!
I really hate when a work by a person of color is reviewed, and they are like "hohoohh, it's got none of that hard you know, person of color stuff, where we might actually have to consider, like ISSUES, you know!" I don't see why people need to be reassured that they don't have to actually think about real issues. I mean seriously, I don't read books with white people in them, and be like "Oh, no, what if he tries to make think! Anything but that!!"

I mean, grow some fucking balls. If you are going to be upset, because in a comic book, they tried to make you think, maybe it's time to [really cool euphemism for suicide] yourself.
Go, Cali! I'm glad that people are fighting for our rights. I'll buck up and work hard on break.

Here's an article about people appropiating Native American beliefs. I can't really imagine what it'd be like, but I guess it'd be kinda like if a Baptist preacher pretended to be a Catholic Priest, and for $150, you could undergo the sort of baptism a baby gets- with the sprinkling of water, for $250, you could undergo full immersion baptism, and for $500, you could go to confession. Even I'd be offended by that, and I'm not Catholic or religious. Of course that doesn't have any of the racial undertones, but I'm trying to understand it in my own clumsy way.

Panic Doll has updated! My favorites are the black cross top and this country lolita style skirt. You go girl! It's hard to do business nowadays. I am creating new buttons to avoid studying. New ideas are easy to have, but it's hard to pimp out your stuff, deal with customers(I don't do this off line because of my hair trigger temper), and suchlike.

Although doing business is good- it's better than spending all your cash on $100 hairfixes! That's the kind of looking cute that lasts only a week at best. Even if you bought $100 worth of clothes from the above site, at least it would last longer than that. Anyway, I was reading the story of the illiterate millionaire in No More Prisons, and the guy didn't spend his money on fancy cars- he spent it on making himself some more money. Now this guy has blown up! Not to mention, nowadays you can't rely on a big corporation to be dependable in employment. You think you are doing good one year, and then the next, everyone is fired.

That's why I'm going into mental health- somebody's always gonna be crazy! Anyway, joking aside, it's best to try to put money in from different sources rather than having your eggs all in one basket.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

I found a good Holiday present. This organization wants people to give their money to it, so that poor families that have one expense that might totally make them bust can have it donated to them. For example, let's say Bob fell down and broke his leg, and needs medical care. This could be a disaster for his family, with the choice between rent and hospital bills. But luckily, some nice people pay his bill, and Bob's family doesn't have to live on the street. You may be like, where does this whole present thing come in? Well, they'll send a person a letter saying you donated in their name, so it could be a late Holiday present. Well, anyway, you should give these people money- they are awesome.

Also, some people are giving their stuff away for free, but I am too stupid to understand what's up with that? Anyway, this could facilitate some serious awesomeness. We usually give away our old stuff to the Vietnam vets people.

If you think up a good organization, create it. Merry Holidays!
Goal for the new year should be to be more of a citizen of the world, and more out into creative things. Also, I think this exhibit is cool. I like the statement, but my favorite part is the images, I really wish I could go, but it's in New York.

This comic also made me think of how my body language is probably a bit masculine- especially the way I walk and sit. I'm the type who is very shy, but doesn't have cute body language at all.

Just, WTF. What. The. Fuck.
What's wrong with the people who dispense this sort of shitty fashion advice? Hide your bottom half?! That's the good part of a pear, and should be played up! I don't see what the point in trying to look like a boy is. This isn't the drag king show! Women have hips and should show them off, not hide them. Our beauty standards are crazy. Be more 'feminine' by shaving all your body hair off! Look like a boy by starving yourself and wearing ugly clothes.

When clothes draw attention to my top half, it's kinda like "hi, I have no breasts". Pears really don't have much to showcase up there, and nice plush hips, thighs and ass are great on a woman. Of course, they are female secondary sex traits, so that's probably why they are so interesting to me.

Friday, December 10, 2004

More fark fun:


However, speaking as a white female, I have also found it true that when some (not all) white guys whine about women or non-whites getting "their" promotions, what they really mean is that their sex and skin color no longer allow them to get away with all sorts of incompetence at work

That is some food for thought. Also, here's a strange article about fashion trends in Japan. Here is a goth loli thread on fruits. I put all the links to American gothic lolita stores that I could find. I'm trying to learn to layer nowadays so that I can be prepared for colder climates. But the lack of light would be a problem too, wouldn't it?
I have studying fright. So I'll write about stuff. So yesterday I was talking to this dude, and he said something interesting. Like whites don't see themselves as having a culture. (Basically, I was kinda like "I don't understand white culture, but please don't be racist jerks, and if you are don't whine." for the whole convo) But it seems like they do. I mean, it's not like they all magically wake up, and say "you know what I'm going to do? act in a certain way for no reason at all". So here are some parts of what I see as white culture that are bad. Of course, everyone has parts of different things that are associated with different races in them. So basically these are annoying things that people do, but that are associated with whites in my mind, as I am currently in white culture immersion. ^_^;;;

1)I'm not responsible for anything.

2)I can't do anything to change anything.

3) I have to mean to do something bad to do something bad.

4) I can be as horrible as I want to others, but if someone is upset, it is their fault.

5)It is the duty of those who have been hurt by my actions to correct me.

6)I'll just not learn anything, and then I can pretend everything was fine.

7)Everything is centered around me. Others do not matter.

8) I am more important than the group.

9)If something bad happens, you're a bad person.

10)Racism is somehow what a person is, not what he/she does.

(I personally think that you can do racist stuff, but it not be like your idenity. Like I walk to the store, but I'm not a store walker)

11)If someone says something you are doing is wrong, that makes you a horrible person and means they don't like you.

Anyway, if you see yourself embodying any of these, work hard to improve. I'm a very selfish person, for example. And am a bit of a pussy- I'm scared of looking at my stats book. I am very sensitive, and worry that criticism means that people don't like me. But anyway, even if you have flaws, you should work hard. I'm working hard to put together a coherent theory of 'why people are racist pricks'. Also, I'll try not to be so anxious, but it's really hard, because I can't get inside people's heads and see what they would consider annoying. Like for example, if white people are telling stories and feel the need to say the n word, they should just say the n word, so we know what they mean. But other black people may not care.

Like I was talking to the same guy I mention above, and I was like I can say cunt, but there's one word I can't say and he's like (the actual version of the n word) and I'm like don't say that! and he's like, but I needed to know what word it was. Anyway, that was weird. Anyway, I'll try to have self confidence that isn't drawn externally, and not be such a pussy who is scared of math problems. I guess next I'd have to stop using sexist language, as pussy is my favorite word on this blog.

Because I am still using the word, I can't exactly say sorry, can I, because I mean, if I was really sorry, I'd not say it. Although verbally I have a bit of a tic where I say sorry a lot, because my anxiety is that intense. I'm a rambling woman! So before you flounce off, do read this essay by a Morrocan who is having culture shock over our restrictive standards of beauty. I'll complain about that later.
I just don't get why people choose the anime titles that have violence and sex in them, and then say "all anime is violent/sex ridden". I mean seriously- it's like this. Guy walks into say Best Buy or something. They got Princess Nine, they got Kare Kano(His and Her Circumstances, which I am watching now- good music), they got Fancy Lala, they got Kiki's, they got Azumanga, and guess what they go straight for? Ninja Blood Revival or Yea Right I'm in 'Junior College' Fuck Fest!

It's like me complaining that all movies are musicals because the only ones I watch are like Singing in the Rain and Chicago! I personally like cute and fluffy anime, because it's cute, and you know, fluffy. I also like melodramatic anime too. My emotions are still as intense as a teen's, so their anime works for me. Of course, in America, I like Soul Food, and by our standards, that's not for teens. (like omg- do they have to show the entire sex scene? imply something for once!)

But seriously, people are pretty crazy,eh?

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

This is a pretty good post about how white on black violence is always an 'isolated incident'. I mean seriously, not only would four black boys who jacked a white guy get at least juvi, everyone would talk about our pathological culture,etc,etc. I was talking to this guy on the net. And he was all like I'm renouncing whiteness. And I was like cool- because seriously, to renounce whiteness means not only do you say no to the unfair privileges you get because you are white, it means that you take responsibility and aren't a whiny pussy.

Like everything can't be someone else's fault anymore. Like whites tend to try to blame their racism on us. No- if you are racist, you make your own self be racist. If you do something stupid like show an Asian that you don't even know the ethnicity of a Chinese dress, and be all like I'm down with your people- that's your own fault too. If you don't know history, that's your own damn fault. And yea, if you decide to beat some kid down with your friends, that's not a spanking offense- you should go to jail just like every body else.

And you can't cry about stupid stuff anymore. None of this mentioning real problems makes me feel bad shit, or any of that man, I'm scared of minorities shit. You gotta buck up- if you feel bad about the truth, your own problem, not ours. If you're scared of minorities, well, work hard to conquer your fear.

I am reading No More prisons, and the author talks about how he decided to walk through the most dangerous ghettos in the middle of the night. I think most of the hysteria about stuff comes from not knowing, and fearing that. If you don't know, don't be a puss and rot your own country because of your hysteria and white flight. You have to face your fear. Learn about those you fear.

I'm sick and tired of people thinking they can't change anything. There's a revolution occurring every day. I mean seriously, weren't the Ukrainians out in the fucking cold for their country? And we can't even sit in the heat and read a book? I am a totally different person from who I was in high school. That in itself is a revolution. I'll keep changing til I die. Time can't stand still. So let's catch up to it!

You know, while I'm saying all this, His and Her Circumstances has really good music. But not as good as Utena. I saw some great AMVS at the anime club yesterday. Hale's Mom, and Sunshine, Lolipops and GRRRRRR were my favorites. I think Hale's Mom should win an award, just for the great synching and shot selection.

Monday, December 06, 2004

I was reading this excerpt from this book, and I was like "where does this guy live"? The stone age? It's cute to say "let him go after you", but if we did that, we'd be waiting forever to get a boyfriend! Not every girl is cute enough to just sit there and smile and get men to flock to her. Actually, most aren't! I mean seriously, not every girl has to ask out every date- but a phone call or two isn't going to kill your prospects. If he really wants you, he's not going to say "Man, she likes me too. I guess that kills that".

At mousewords, there is a more sensible review here as Amanda actually has a boyfriend and so isn't all nervous about it. Or maybe I should shut up ascribing stuff to people I don't know, just because I read their blogs. But seriously, her comments bring this stuff into better perspective.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

More comments from Fark

2004-12-06 06:39:15 PM

I think what monster87 is expressing his disillusionment to the mythos of Rosa Parks. In school we weren't taught such a blindly obvious applicable piece of information like that she was a member of the NAACP. We aren't taught an image of a politically active woman. We are taught the image of a much simpler but determined woman who out of nowhere suddenly got fed up and changed the world. The iconic story is about an any-woman, how anybody could change the world given a just cause and deterimination.Of course the fact she was politically active prior was never _hidden_, but for some reason it is commonly omitted. You can't help but think it's to help support that pop image of her. It does affect her 'icon' status, on a personal level, to be disillusioned in such a way.Especially when you consider that the NAACP in the region may have already been considering a bus boycott, her personal act, while still important, doesn't have that same air of mystery and magnitude. It seems plausible that it was orchestrated to put things into motion. That's -definitely- not the kind of Rosa Parks that has been iconified.Also, lawyers suing over the use of her name for billions? What the? That's pathetic. How are we eventually going to stand up to these lawyers? Boycott law? Hrmm.

I think the fact that she was active in the civil rights movement beforehand makes her story even stronger, because it makes it more of a guiding point for us who do want to be politically active. The idea that you just go along cow like and maybe at the right moment get fed up is a charming myth, but if you actually want political change, you're going to have to work for it. I'm not saying I'm miss political action of the year, but the whole myth that has been built up around the civil rights movement and other movements that one or two people did one thing and everything changed is a pretty destructive mind set.

It's almost as bad as the mindset that says a right once granted can never be taken away. Basically I think both of these myths make us sort of passive, sort of 'well, everything's fine" and that's not the way we need to be. I read about and see people trying to make revolution everyday.

I'm reading No More Prisons and the author is like "You know what? I'm hitchhiking cross the country, I'm walking in the country's ghettos" and that's a revolutionary act- to be able to face your fear and say to others "there is not so much to be afraid of in this world as we suppose". That is a valuable lesson, I guess. Although I still get the heebie jeebies if someone walks behind me...

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

This post is about the real reasons that whites are conservative, and this post is about black self image. I know that when I was a kid, I could shake folks talking about my bookishness off, because I cheerfully believed they's all have to work at gas stations. Yes, kids are dumb. Anyway, I totally lost control today and called this girl a pussy(although I don't think they knew what I said). Because seriously, so you saw some fucking Hispanic laborers, no need to lock the car doors and get all heeby jeeby, and plus, who the fuck told you that that was an appropiate thing to say in public? White folk, keep it to yourself. We really don't wanna know.

We all have quirks. For example, if I have a problem with something- I find it therapeutic to rant, rave, cry and curse the universe. If I have to be stoic, the problem will never go away. For example, let's say I'm in a bad mood. If I curse the world, cry about the unfairness of it all, eat some ice cream, and read manga under the covers, I will recover in an hour. But if I have to put on a good front, it eats at me, and that mood may last for weeks.

So when learning about racism and forming my racial idenity, it is useful for me to curse whites, and say they should be horsewhipped, and driven into the sea, and I can't believe they are all such immoral cunts. Generally in real life, I don't mind whites, well, ok, I mind them, mostly because I mind all people. I am slightly frightened of other people. So today, this white girl decides to ask me a bunch of questions about our stats lab. I am really nervous. Also, I talked to this black girl, also about our stats class, and was also nervous. I am nervous around all people.

But the point is....well, I forgot what my point is. Of course, my coping with learning of the great unfairness of the world may shock some. I have difficulty understanding this, because it sounds like a bunch of whining to me. I mean, black folks are supposed to be repairing all the damage from years and years all by ourselves, with no help from anyone, and they have plenty of help on being decent people.

I look at all the problems, and I feel like the guy from emory's counseling center. He was basically like "I got ten cents, and some magic beans. What am I supposed to do?" He was saying that and people weren't constantly coming into the center and being like psychologists are all quacks or having a million little hassles like it taking a million years to get paper because people are like "why do YOU need paper?", "You really don't need paper anyway- I mean, what would you do with it?" you know- just trying to chip chip chip away at your little self concept.

Basically what I mean is that we got a lot of work, and a lot of it would get a lot easier if whites just took a little bit of time to try to be decent people. For example, so I am reading on the internet, and these people are working hard to act like they have some sense. They aren't acting like babies. They are trying to think their way through these issues. It's not that hard.