Wednesday, December 01, 2004

This post is about the real reasons that whites are conservative, and this post is about black self image. I know that when I was a kid, I could shake folks talking about my bookishness off, because I cheerfully believed they's all have to work at gas stations. Yes, kids are dumb. Anyway, I totally lost control today and called this girl a pussy(although I don't think they knew what I said). Because seriously, so you saw some fucking Hispanic laborers, no need to lock the car doors and get all heeby jeeby, and plus, who the fuck told you that that was an appropiate thing to say in public? White folk, keep it to yourself. We really don't wanna know.

We all have quirks. For example, if I have a problem with something- I find it therapeutic to rant, rave, cry and curse the universe. If I have to be stoic, the problem will never go away. For example, let's say I'm in a bad mood. If I curse the world, cry about the unfairness of it all, eat some ice cream, and read manga under the covers, I will recover in an hour. But if I have to put on a good front, it eats at me, and that mood may last for weeks.

So when learning about racism and forming my racial idenity, it is useful for me to curse whites, and say they should be horsewhipped, and driven into the sea, and I can't believe they are all such immoral cunts. Generally in real life, I don't mind whites, well, ok, I mind them, mostly because I mind all people. I am slightly frightened of other people. So today, this white girl decides to ask me a bunch of questions about our stats lab. I am really nervous. Also, I talked to this black girl, also about our stats class, and was also nervous. I am nervous around all people.

But the point is....well, I forgot what my point is. Of course, my coping with learning of the great unfairness of the world may shock some. I have difficulty understanding this, because it sounds like a bunch of whining to me. I mean, black folks are supposed to be repairing all the damage from years and years all by ourselves, with no help from anyone, and they have plenty of help on being decent people.

I look at all the problems, and I feel like the guy from emory's counseling center. He was basically like "I got ten cents, and some magic beans. What am I supposed to do?" He was saying that and people weren't constantly coming into the center and being like psychologists are all quacks or having a million little hassles like it taking a million years to get paper because people are like "why do YOU need paper?", "You really don't need paper anyway- I mean, what would you do with it?" you know- just trying to chip chip chip away at your little self concept.

Basically what I mean is that we got a lot of work, and a lot of it would get a lot easier if whites just took a little bit of time to try to be decent people. For example, so I am reading on the internet, and these people are working hard to act like they have some sense. They aren't acting like babies. They are trying to think their way through these issues. It's not that hard.

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