Friday, December 10, 2004

I have studying fright. So I'll write about stuff. So yesterday I was talking to this dude, and he said something interesting. Like whites don't see themselves as having a culture. (Basically, I was kinda like "I don't understand white culture, but please don't be racist jerks, and if you are don't whine." for the whole convo) But it seems like they do. I mean, it's not like they all magically wake up, and say "you know what I'm going to do? act in a certain way for no reason at all". So here are some parts of what I see as white culture that are bad. Of course, everyone has parts of different things that are associated with different races in them. So basically these are annoying things that people do, but that are associated with whites in my mind, as I am currently in white culture immersion. ^_^;;;

1)I'm not responsible for anything.

2)I can't do anything to change anything.

3) I have to mean to do something bad to do something bad.

4) I can be as horrible as I want to others, but if someone is upset, it is their fault.

5)It is the duty of those who have been hurt by my actions to correct me.

6)I'll just not learn anything, and then I can pretend everything was fine.

7)Everything is centered around me. Others do not matter.

8) I am more important than the group.

9)If something bad happens, you're a bad person.

10)Racism is somehow what a person is, not what he/she does.

(I personally think that you can do racist stuff, but it not be like your idenity. Like I walk to the store, but I'm not a store walker)

11)If someone says something you are doing is wrong, that makes you a horrible person and means they don't like you.

Anyway, if you see yourself embodying any of these, work hard to improve. I'm a very selfish person, for example. And am a bit of a pussy- I'm scared of looking at my stats book. I am very sensitive, and worry that criticism means that people don't like me. But anyway, even if you have flaws, you should work hard. I'm working hard to put together a coherent theory of 'why people are racist pricks'. Also, I'll try not to be so anxious, but it's really hard, because I can't get inside people's heads and see what they would consider annoying. Like for example, if white people are telling stories and feel the need to say the n word, they should just say the n word, so we know what they mean. But other black people may not care.

Like I was talking to the same guy I mention above, and I was like I can say cunt, but there's one word I can't say and he's like (the actual version of the n word) and I'm like don't say that! and he's like, but I needed to know what word it was. Anyway, that was weird. Anyway, I'll try to have self confidence that isn't drawn externally, and not be such a pussy who is scared of math problems. I guess next I'd have to stop using sexist language, as pussy is my favorite word on this blog.

Because I am still using the word, I can't exactly say sorry, can I, because I mean, if I was really sorry, I'd not say it. Although verbally I have a bit of a tic where I say sorry a lot, because my anxiety is that intense. I'm a rambling woman! So before you flounce off, do read this essay by a Morrocan who is having culture shock over our restrictive standards of beauty. I'll complain about that later.

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