Thursday, November 23, 2006

Jurimprudence for feminism.

First laws by others:

Auguste’s Law:

[Due to the completely understandable strong feelings involved], As any blog discussion about weight continues, the likelihood that the patriarchy will be forgotten in favor of infighting approaches 1.

Tubman's Law: As a feminist thread goes on, the chances of some white woman comparing something to racism, slavery and the like becomes 1(Not kittiekatie's phrasing, but it is her law)

Tekanji's what about the mens law: In any discussion about women, feminism or the like, the probability of someone saying but what about the mens approaches 1.

The Faux Card Cred Law: Anyone disavowing their various prejudices by using the phrase "I'm not anti-_____, I have _____ friends!" or some variant thereof will summarily lose the argument and be subjected to a vicious fishbeating by members of the group in question. Double fishbeatings will be enforced if the "faux-cred card" is utilized more than once in one argument.

Second, laws I believe I made up or modifications of base laws.

The law of the veil- as the time a white feminist's blog has existed goes on, the likelyhood that someone(or the blogger herself) will use the line "OMG, do you want us to wear a burqa" or use the burqa as a visual sign of oppression approaches 1.

The bandwagon law- Everyone ever wants to be called a feminist, even pro life lifestyle Goreans who think that a woman's place is in the home, and that the downfall of civilization has been brought about by feminists who have hairy legs and fuck around too much.

The out damned spot! law- Someone will always say "OMG! someone called me not a feminist" even if noone was talking about that at all. That person will be beaten with a nice large feminist of color anthology like Making Face, Making Soul.

The OMG Oppreshun!!! law- As the percentage of the female population doing a certain beauty ritual goes up, so does the likelyhood that some lady will break her arm patting herself on the back because she stood up to the oppressive feminists who won't let her do whatever beauty ritual 99% of women in her country(OK, it's usually america) do.

Nubian's Law(named after her for no good reason): No matter how racist something that a woman of color blogger has blogged about is, there will be white people commenting that that wasn't racist at all.

The pleasure law: Pleasure will always be defined as a bunch of girly crap.

The Cosmo Girl law: If any jokes, snark or witty turns of phrase are used to attack sexism, someone will complain lest the lack of complete and total seriousness scares off some girl who is in fact perfectly fine with her own lack of political consciousness.

Twisty's rule(also named after a blogger): Billion dollar industries, years of cultural indoctrination, and the way society is structured has nothing on what one blogger says on the internet.

The real women have curves law: Whenever a discussion about eating disorders, dieting or weight occurs, the probability that someone will mention that obesity is a KILLER!!! approaches 1

Faux Cred Card, Feminism Corrallary: If anyone claims to have a get out of the patriarchy free card (i.e. My decisions have nothing to do with the majority culture because I do BDSM/my Milton is a perfect saint/I live in a sealed bubble) will have to wear a sports corset, a hobble skirt, and stiletto heels while running a mile and jumping over railroad tracks.

The first sex law: If some sexual act is mentioned, the possibility of someone talking about their experience of it in graphic detail approaches 1.

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