Saturday, April 02, 2005

People want to stop the genocide. People who wanted to do that tabled at my school. I did pathetically little, merely signing two petitions and giving $5(all the money I had in my wallet). I got a paperclip with a string with beads on it attached that I subsequently lost, much like my peace button I got from oxfam. There are so many problems in the world, and I have the delusion that I am powerless to slow any of them in any way. I know that that's not true, but I can't stop believing it. I see people working hard to help, but I feel so lost. Feel convinced that my lack of being able to socialize makes me powerless. I don't want to be like many of the white people I see saying "I can't do anything, I can't do anything" when they are the most powerful, and could alter their own behavior at least.

I don't want to be the person who thinks they are changing the world because they smoked some dope and have a few burned CDs. I don't want to be the person who talks about this and that but will only do when hell freezes over. But I don't know what to do. I feel so small against the big world. Illusion or not, that's where I stand.

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