Sunday, April 24, 2005

I'm going to talk about my own personal experience, but before I do, I'd like to explain that this story is not told in a for white people's benefit sort of way. Like the thing is from my rendering, you wouldn't be able to be objective anyway. So the idea that you need to get the blow by blow to invalidate my experiences is dumb anyway. I never got why anyone would need to do that, I mean, if I have objective evidence that you are wrong, I'll offer it, or a strong argument, but just acting like you got to interrogate someone over an experiences in which you were not there is crazy. I could see if I was swearing out a judgment in criminal court or something, although that's probably why a lot of rapes don't get reported. If you can't remember parts of an experience, of course you're a big fat liar. I wasn't drugged, just tired, in pain and shaking with anger, but you know, because of that it is ok to complain about reverse racism with a black person at the table, continue talking about that when you note that you know, you're about to insult my whole family, I really don't need t hear that, it's ok to pull out old racist shit about how whites are becoming a minority (if they treated minorities decently they wouldn't be worried about that would they?) and how if we don't totally ignore racism, it won't go away.

Of course, some other white people tried to defuse the situation, and I tried to argue logically, noting that all people deserve rights and intelligence varies in every population.(they tried to defuse it by noting that racism goes on, and also by trying to change the subject.) I think I actually did really well considering I am often too shy to stand up for myself and was in massive amounts of pain without any painkillers. But I was upset for days, and am still upset. I think it's not just what the person says it's how they say it that causes emotional reactions too.

Like if they hadn't had a discussion about the civil war before(hearing about the civil war in the sort of whiny war of northern aggression way makes me uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything, figuring that they'd get over that boring train of conversation in a few minutes.) I wouldn't have been as mad about that last comment. And the fact that the guy decided to bust out with that when he knows that I was there, was much more offensive than say hearing about it in the newspaper or something. While in some ways this guy was being a jerk before(don't throw a pen at people, even if you're joking) I'm just really sensitive about this, and like I don't see why white people even have to show they are stupid anyway. Can't they just pretend to be smart?

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