Sunday, October 31, 2004
What she was talking about was rap, and how the misogynistic messages in it aren't just for blacks, but white folks are rapping along too, and saying and doing disrespectful things to women. Like what's up with that? I just don't get it. Our society is weird, and my twists ain't turning out right, and I can't do a good part.
Also, in other news, I think that many young republicans are pussies. Like what happened to the normal ones? I'm against kicking people just because they have offensive shirts, but I bet this guy was a douche. Of course all the republicans my age I am around are all really rich white people, so that may skew the results. Like you know, you get a certain sense of entitlement, combined with the republican philosophy, and you get megadouches. The kind of people who will whine if they don't get Sean Hannity as a text in calculus, or how not getting money for the same idiot to speak twice is oppression or whatever. Of course, I'm sure young liberals can be just as annoying, but the ones around here will just like make robots out of trash or Bush out of paper mache. They also aren't trying to fuck over women, children or black people.
Here's a sad story about a marine snapping. This guy strangely enough hadn't even been over there, but he went crazy and tried to kill his g/f for no reason(well, she wanted to vote for Kerry, but I really hate Bush, and think it's merely ill advised to vote for him, not a killing offense) It's strange how people can go insane so easily. I'm not clever enough to pop psych it out for you, so I'll leave that to you.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Also, the second Utena soundtrack will be released in the US. I need to buy anime soundtracks.
Friday, October 29, 2004
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Monday, October 25, 2004
While I'm bitching, on the issue of pubic hair, I am totally second wave. Like I'm all for choice on most issues, but seriously ladies. It was perfectly fine to have pubic hair just a few short years ago(although I live in book time which is longer- a long time ago is 80 years- the lifetime of a affluent woman) and people have had bodily secretions for hundreds of years. But all the sudden it's gross to have hair on your vagina? I call bullshit.
While I'm sure some (a VERY few) women woke up one day and said "I don't want any hair on my vagina", but I'm sure most didn't start out that way. Maybe they got a little outside pressure. Sure, some decided they loved it, but I don't think they all just woke up one day and decided that hairless vags were just for them.
People can justify even a man beating their wife, so I can see how something like that could be justified, but just wake up- it is only recently that we have instituted such ridiculous standards. To me it's too much- you can't even have your own vagina without a beauty standard
Sunday, October 24, 2004
While I'm typing on the internet, I know very little about elegant gothic lolita style. However, I have noticed three trends that are probably totally wrong. Some people are Japanese brand purists and buy straight from Japan. They are rewarded for their wallet fortitude by having great stuff like this. Others are handmade Lolitas who like to make their own clothes. This to a person who can't even sew a simple skirt, is a miracle of awesomeness. Others like to collect American pieces that suggest the style.
I am the last one, as I am not as much interested in a pure style as another fun element I can add to my own. It is strange for me to go into an fashion obsession cycle in the fall/winter. Usually in the summer, I become interested in clothes, and in the fall/winter I'm more worried about keeping warm. However, it is nearly November, and I walked around in a t shirt today, so maybe it's the weather.
I'm getting more interested in stockings and arm warmers because you can wear cute summer fashions and cover your limbs that way. At least in principle. I wonder what people do up North, how do they even live when it's so cold?
This creeps me out on a visceral level. It's just like it's possible for normal people to totally disconnect from reality. Of course, it's like that with Bush fans believing that Saddam Hussein flew an airplane into the WTC, but you know, that's kinda transient. I think that once we get Bush out, they'll wake up, and wonder where they got that idea from. Of course, that is a delusion on my part- that the past four years can just disappear like dew on the grass.
I wish it could. I wish it could all disappear. But I still realize that I'd be lying to myself if I didn't recognize that our bad actions have changed everything in this world. We are weaker to attack, and we have brought it upon ourselves. Excuses won't change what we have done. We can't lie our way out of this. Even if we are weak people like me, we should be able to face up to our sins and our crimes. We have to be honest with ourselves.
In abnormal psychology class, my teacher says that the therapy has something to do with the person who created it. Of course, in this age of HMOs, one can not have therapies that go on for a long time. I don't know what sort of therapy I'd create. I love narrative, and always am looking at the shadow. That's why I say I'd be like Freud. I don't have the genuine human warmth that others have, so that would affect it too. I feel it, but I can't show it. So one can not depend on the client liking the therapist.
I don't know. It's interesting to think though.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Friday, October 22, 2004
But I was thinking about stuff, so I decided to blog about it. Interesting enough, one's views on issues like affirmative action say a lot more about you than the actual issue at hand. The whites ballyhooing over how AA is soooo racist are mum or making excuses for high infant mortality rates, police brutality, or even blatantly racist actions such as this. Scratch a person whining about AA, and you can usually find a racist- because it's about priorities. Whites seem to think oppression is some cool club they want to join so they lie about victimhood- if I am at school with a SAT score of 1300, and Bob(white) is at school with a score of 1250, no one will have a hissy fit about Bob taking their spot. It only matters if the spot they think they deserve is taken by a non white.
They have plenty of time to cry about that, but they never have any time for social justice work. I wonder why that is? I am still pretty bitter, so I may seem harsh. Of course it seems doubly harsh because it's about white people. People talk bad about minorities all the time. Apparently Langston Hughes poems and Spanish has ruined our schools, crack using minorities with $500 tennis shoes have stolen all the white people's jobs, while raping and pillaging,etc to hear some people tell it. But if someone says something like "You know, whites are pretty racist" You have to hear about where they have sand for days.
I'm all for white folks in principle, but after having to hear where they have sand for years, I really am pretty pissed off. While there are many white folks who either don't get sand up their orifices just because something didn't totally praise white people or if they do, clean it out themselves, it's just after years of going to school in the south, and reading southern newspapers and suchlike, you just say enough, enough, enough. If you don't shut up about your fucking sand while people are dying, I'm going to shove that sand so far up all your orifices that you'll have something to fucking cry about.
Blogging is very therapeutic, you know. Like you can't go out and say to people, even when they are being totally racist pigs- hey, shut up about your racist ass shit, or you'll have to hear their whining and crying. I like to be nice, and I am a shy person. But sometimes I just want to shove my foot so far up people's asses...
Don't worry kiddies- this is years and years of repressed rage!
Thursday, October 21, 2004
I have of course been unable to write poetry for many years. You must have something that I lack now to write a good poem. Maybe it's a kind of sustained energy for revision. I don't know. I wrote bad haiku in my notebook to keep myself from fidgeting too much during infancy class. But that's a whole different story.
Monday, October 18, 2004
I just don't get all the fuss about gays in the churches and stuff. Even if it WAS a sin(I'm not religious, but come on!) they let adulterers and people who go around coveting other people's donkeys practice freely and get married in the church. Aren't those sins like in the ten commandments or something? To me, it seems like it's really reaching for someone to hate. You don't like gay sex? Don't have any, but leave the rest of us alone.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Or maybe it's because I feel the most horrifying thing in the world is well, I can't name it. But my mental image is sort of a shadow looming up behind you- and it's created by all the impressions that others have of you. It's not you- but in other's minds, it's replaced you. And you can't like go and tell them that's not you, because they can't hear you. Man, I missed my point, but to me, that's a really creepy fucking idea.
Or while I'm talking about creepy fucking ideas- something else creepy is the idea of I don't know- just totally having to conform to ever increasing social demands. It's pretty obvious what my greatest fear is- other people. Well, we all have different problems, and that will be folded into our world views. So it's best to put our biases on the table.
For example, one bias that informs my world view is "don't fuck with women or children" I really don't like republicans because they fucked with the women and children. I don't care whether they are high caste(white, rich) or low caste(black, poor)- you shouldn't fuck with any women or children. But it's best to keep that on the table.
Friday, October 15, 2004
When people start saying you're this and that, the proper stance isn't "Oh, poor me, I'm so this and that" It's fuck you, I have my own agenda- and it's not yours. Some folks seem to think that white folks got a veto over what we do- like we have to go around bowing and scraping pretending that we don't want anything from anyone. Bullshit.
Black folk seem to think we gotta earn our shot at justice. What the fuck? You don't earn basic human respect, and what we do doesn't have anything to do with their attitudes. Yes, educate yourself, yes set up your own business, but don't think that is the key to ending racism, because it isn't. Black people have educated themselves and their families and have set up their own businesses since our ancestors were in Africa.
The thing is that racism is an axiom, not an observed thing. It's an article of faith. Bootstrapping sounds good to white folk, because they don't have to do anything, and they feel catered to, but the thing is that we don't want to cater to them. They are NOT children or imbeciles. (I mean whites over the age of about 18 or so) Sure, they may get a little mad, but they can handle it or will have to handle it at least.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
For example, I'm pretty well off. I could choose to believe that poor people are poor because they are bad people. But I have chosen not to believe that. This of course doesn't make me a perfect anti classism person, and I will fuck up, I'm sure. But I have chosen to at least try not to be such an asshole about it.
Now, a lot of things are out of our control- where we were born(I bought a book called Global Woman today, but haven't started it), how tall we'll be, or what others think of us. But I believe that we can control our behavior to a great extent. For example, I bought a manga, Hot Gimmick today. While the consumer culture, and sex roles(girls love cute little books!) have some part in my decision, I could have chosen to resist- and say "No, I do not need to read slightly twisted, and fun manga books to cheer myself up on a cold day"
I may exult in getting new socks(my socks from sock dreams are even better than expected!), but I know when I need to try to act like an adult, and get serious. Anyway, in an aside, I wonder why they decided to change to sock dreams from fetishize me. I never bought any socks before, but I always liked looking at them.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
I also think remembering history makes you less likely to be a genocidal maniac. Like since I looked at lynching photos and felt deep shame(and didn't fucking WHINE about it, for goodness fucking sake. As if feeling bad was something that I never should have to do!) I'm less likely to think that murdering people in public and sending postcards to my friends is a good thing to do.
Too bad there isn't a book like 'crazy white people explained' that could explain how feeling kinda bad for a few minutes is like so awful. I feel bad when I hear about sweatshops, but I don't go off on third world twelve year olds for making me feel bad. It's my own damn fault if I buy sweatshop clothing! I am responsible for my own damn actions. So to me, it's white people's own damn fault if they want to be racist. Like there's no rule saying that they have to be, and some white people go around not being racist, so obviously there must be some reason why they are. It is a mystery, but I lean towards the "they are just jerks" hypothesis.
Also, in black people stuff, I agree with this guy that it's not black folk's own fault that we aren't doing better. Yea, sometimes black people do stupid stuff, but people of all races do stupid stuff too. I mean,seriously, whenever a white owned business steals people's 401k money or they make a stupid business decision, no one is like "If only whites were smarter, they'd be more successful in life" They are like "Bob the idiot CEO is a dumb motherfucker" as they should.
Something that annoys me is that whites never have to take any responsibility for any crimes against humanity they may have committed. "Oh, I am an imbecile! I can't possibly be complicit in any systems" which is dumb. I think they should stop worrying about whether they are racist or not, because it's not whether you are racist- it's what you do about it. None of us would have a problem if people tried to rise above their own racism, but if they decide to wallow in it, it's not like they are setting themselves up for respect, you know?
Monday, October 11, 2004
Also, in mental health news, I have recovered enough to slowly be able to do my statistics homework. My mental image is giving an ill person really small spoonfuls of gruel. Anyway, that's my weird brain again. I really want Othello, but since I've been spending like George W Bush, I have to wait. Sucks for me. But I got a lot of neat stuff.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
Also, in weird news, frat guys act stupid. Please don't write slurs on people if they are passed out. Call an ambulance. Or maybe that's not right. But seriously, there's a right course of action here, and writing weird things on people isn't it.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
It is interesting that now I am going with more clothing that goes along with my apparent personality. Like I used to wear bolder clothes, but now I wear more cute girly clothes, which go with my shy and subdued personality.
Friday, October 08, 2004
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
In other news, if you want to listen to hate music, download it, don't buy from those crudy people. I don't get why people would want to be white supremacists, but they don't have to be dicks about it. But I guess it's kind of part of the rules or whatever.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
from Credit to the Community:Community Reinvestment and Fair Lending Policy in the US, by Dan Immergluck.
This book is a bit wonky, but educational.
Monday, October 04, 2004
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Friday, October 01, 2004
Not to mention, it's not like there is a massive influx of gothic lolita designs at Hot Topic. Here are the skirts at Hot Topic and here are the skirts at Baby the Stars Shine Bright, a Japanese store. They certainly look alike,eh?