Aries: Your plans will fail.
Taurus: Your plans will succeed.
Gemini: You will do something helpful.
Cancer: You will bake lasagna. Yes, even if you don't know what it is.
Leo: Eat something sweet.
Virgo: Eat something salty. Remember everyone is having a good time, but you.
Libra: Today is a good day for art.
Scorpio: You will contribute greatly to a wiki. Yes, even if you don't know what a wiki is.
Sagittarius: You will have an awesome time in New York. NO EXCEPTIONS!
Capricorn: Your secret swiss bank account is not so secret anymore.
Aquarius: Your secret kink is not so secret anymore.
Pisces: Fanfiction will figure greatly into your day.
Lucky Color: Red
Lucky Food: Sausage
Lucky Item: Bologna.