Today's Horoscopes:

Aries: Your plans will fail.

Taurus: Your plans will succeed.

Gemini: You will do something helpful.

Cancer: You will bake lasagna. Yes, even if you don't know what it is.

Leo: Eat something sweet.

Virgo: Eat something salty. Remember everyone is having a good time, but you.

Libra: Today is a good day for art.

Scorpio: You will contribute greatly to a wiki. Yes, even if you don't know what a wiki is.

Sagittarius: You will have an awesome time in New York. NO EXCEPTIONS!

Capricorn: Your secret swiss bank account is not so secret anymore.

Aquarius: Your secret kink is not so secret anymore.

Pisces: Fanfiction will figure greatly into your day.

Lucky Color: Red

Lucky Food: Sausage

Lucky Item: Bologna.