One of the most important woman obligations is to feel bad about your motherly performance. To help you with this, I release ten reasons why YOU,yes,YOU are a bad mom.

1)You're too fat. ONE SLICE OF CHEESE A DAY IS TEN POUNDS! YOU'RE GIVING YOUR KIDS OBESITY WITH YOUR EATING HABITS! Because as we know, even if your children are all sick, you work full time, and your husband is off playing Fallout 3 23 hours a day while ignoring the screams of the children, you must worry about the calorie content of cheese.

2)You're single. How dare you dump some guy who treats you like crap or that you're just not happy with? Don't you know that you must hold on to a sperm donor no matter how much he degrades your quality of life?

3)You have too much sex. The horror! I must go to my fainting couch and get my clutching pearls right now.

4)You feed your kindergartner nuts. Don't give nuts to children under 6, you idiot.

5)You watch R rated movies. Corrupting your children with your very thoughts!

6)You breastfeed. OMG! OH NOOO! WHAT IF SOMEONE SEES PART OF A BOOB THAT'S NOT BEING SEXY?!

7)You formula feed. YOU'RE KILLING YOUR BABY!

8)You're poor. You shouldn't be off providing crazy things like food and shelter for your child, or worse, using taxpayer money to provide luxuries such as that. You should be stuck at home reading wholesome books and blending organic apples into baby food, which is the only thing children under the age of ten should eat. EVER.

9)You let your mom watch your child. Your mom thinks cookies and milk are an appropriate snack instead of a 4 oz cup of soy yogurt.

10)You allowed your child to watch tv. Might as well toss them in the river if you're going to let them do that.