I was reading bell hook's Outlaw Culture, and one thing that really stood out, besides how bad she smacked Pagila in the face, was how she noted how if blacks start showing signs of the sorts of pathology that is America wide, it is seen as some unique pathology. Many white people are getting into credit card debt to get the nicer things in life, and saying go to college so you can get money for stuff, instead of education, and it's just alright. But a black kid has a pair of Nikes? Call the sheriff.

What she was talking about was rap, and how the misogynistic messages in it aren't just for blacks, but white folks are rapping along too, and saying and doing disrespectful things to women. Like what's up with that? I just don't get it. Our society is weird, and my twists ain't turning out right, and I can't do a good part.

It's Halloween. Yesterday I went to a party, and I swear they had the most dangerous party games ever. I'm a sheltered girl, but somehow I don't think knifing a plastic bag off a broom is the safest game, neither is drunken sword fighting.

Also, in other news, I think that many young republicans are pussies. Like what happened to the normal ones? I'm against kicking people just because they have offensive shirts, but I bet this guy was a douche. Of course all the republicans my age I am around are all really rich white people, so that may skew the results. Like you know, you get a certain sense of entitlement, combined with the republican philosophy, and you get megadouches. The kind of people who will whine if they don't get Sean Hannity as a text in calculus, or how not getting money for the same idiot to speak twice is oppression or whatever. Of course, I'm sure young liberals can be just as annoying, but the ones around here will just like make robots out of trash or Bush out of paper mache. They also aren't trying to fuck over women, children or black people.

Here's a sad story about a marine snapping. This guy strangely enough hadn't even been over there, but he went crazy and tried to kill his g/f for no reason(well, she wanted to vote for Kerry, but I really hate Bush, and think it's merely ill advised to vote for him, not a killing offense) It's strange how people can go insane so easily. I'm not clever enough to pop psych it out for you, so I'll leave that to you.

I think this ad would have been better if they had put in a clip from the debate where Bush denys saying that he didn't care where Bin Laden was. However, it's a pretty good ad on its own. Show it to your pals.

Good news for Freaks and Geeks fans over 18! Send in proof of voting, and you get cool prizes. I can't participate because my absentee ballot is long sent off, but you can! I'd like to remind everyone to vote for Kerry. Just because he's not the second coming of Jesus Christ doesn't mean you need to reward failure.

Also, the second Utena soundtrack will be released in the US. I need to buy anime soundtracks.

Also, an interesting editorial was published in the Emory wheel today.

I don't get people complaining about Kerry because he's not liberal enough. Conservatives will still vote for Bush although his administration has spent money with a sorostitute with daddy's credit card, he hasn't banned homosexuality, and women aren't tied to beds and forced to breed. You know why? They want to win. Let's try to win too.

Here's a newsletter from the citizens for progressive transit. It details various goings on in Atlanta transit. Here is a post about an Atlanta Gothic Lolita gathering, and a web site full of people posting pictures of themselves in various EGL inspired costumes. Here is an amusing flash video involving women's breasts. Test tomorrow. Wish me luck.

You know what I like? New shoe smell. It probably is caused by some sort of deadly agent, I guess. However, my new shoes are awesome, because they are the best kind of shoe- cute, but without heels so you can fucking walk. Here's a link to my new shoes. I like to look at high heels, but I don't wear them, even if I do buy them.

While I'm bitching, on the issue of pubic hair, I am totally second wave. Like I'm all for choice on most issues, but seriously ladies. It was perfectly fine to have pubic hair just a few short years ago(although I live in book time which is longer- a long time ago is 80 years- the lifetime of a affluent woman) and people have had bodily secretions for hundreds of years. But all the sudden it's gross to have hair on your vagina? I call bullshit.

While I'm sure some (a VERY few) women woke up one day and said "I don't want any hair on my vagina", but I'm sure most didn't start out that way. Maybe they got a little outside pressure. Sure, some decided they loved it, but I don't think they all just woke up one day and decided that hairless vags were just for them.

People can justify even a man beating their wife, so I can see how something like that could be justified, but just wake up- it is only recently that we have instituted such ridiculous standards. To me it's too much- you can't even have your own vagina without a beauty standard

Also, green tea and ginger ice cream is pretty ok, except for large pieces of ginger of course.

While I'm typing on the internet, I know very little about elegant gothic lolita style. However, I have noticed three trends that are probably totally wrong. Some people are Japanese brand purists and buy straight from Japan. They are rewarded for their wallet fortitude by having great stuff like this. Others are handmade Lolitas who like to make their own clothes. This to a person who can't even sew a simple skirt, is a miracle of awesomeness. Others like to collect American pieces that suggest the style.

I am the last one, as I am not as much interested in a pure style as another fun element I can add to my own. It is strange for me to go into an fashion obsession cycle in the fall/winter. Usually in the summer, I become interested in clothes, and in the fall/winter I'm more worried about keeping warm. However, it is nearly November, and I walked around in a t shirt today, so maybe it's the weather.

I'm getting more interested in stockings and arm warmers because you can wear cute summer fashions and cover your limbs that way. At least in principle. I wonder what people do up North, how do they even live when it's so cold?

I'd totally be like Freud if I was a white guy in his day. I was reading this blog, which is talking about how one can be racist by trying not to be racist, and you know why I rant about racism so much? Because it creeps me the fuck out. After people keep stretching and twisting and turning the truth into pretzels, they seem to end up in some other universe. It's really weird. From my observations it's a universe where wearing a FUBU shirt is more offensive than the Confederate Flag, where saying "we need to do something about health care disparities in minority communities is racist" but the actual health care disparities aren't, a world where actions can be disappeared and have no effect, where the past and future don't connect, where no one has any responsibility for their actions unless they are people of color.

This creeps me out on a visceral level. It's just like it's possible for normal people to totally disconnect from reality. Of course, it's like that with Bush fans believing that Saddam Hussein flew an airplane into the WTC, but you know, that's kinda transient. I think that once we get Bush out, they'll wake up, and wonder where they got that idea from. Of course, that is a delusion on my part- that the past four years can just disappear like dew on the grass.

I wish it could. I wish it could all disappear. But I still realize that I'd be lying to myself if I didn't recognize that our bad actions have changed everything in this world. We are weaker to attack, and we have brought it upon ourselves. Excuses won't change what we have done. We can't lie our way out of this. Even if we are weak people like me, we should be able to face up to our sins and our crimes. We have to be honest with ourselves.

In abnormal psychology class, my teacher says that the therapy has something to do with the person who created it. Of course, in this age of HMOs, one can not have therapies that go on for a long time. I don't know what sort of therapy I'd create. I love narrative, and always am looking at the shadow. That's why I say I'd be like Freud. I don't have the genuine human warmth that others have, so that would affect it too. I feel it, but I can't show it. So one can not depend on the client liking the therapist.

I don't know. It's interesting to think though.

Also, a rap video about Bush. Actually pretty good. Also, Princess Tutu is coming out in January! I'm going to have to buy every DVD just as soon as they come out! It's that exciting to me.

Ad donation begging time! Please view and donate for this ad. It's the powerful story of a President making fun of the brave soilders, and a brave sister crying because her brother is dead.

I'm taking a break, because I have two tests next week and if I don't rest between tests I'll get sicker than I already am. I don't feel well, having woken up with an ear ache, and also I have intermittent nausea.

But I was thinking about stuff, so I decided to blog about it. Interesting enough, one's views on issues like affirmative action say a lot more about you than the actual issue at hand. The whites ballyhooing over how AA is soooo racist are mum or making excuses for high infant mortality rates, police brutality, or even blatantly racist actions such as this. Scratch a person whining about AA, and you can usually find a racist- because it's about priorities. Whites seem to think oppression is some cool club they want to join so they lie about victimhood- if I am at school with a SAT score of 1300, and Bob(white) is at school with a score of 1250, no one will have a hissy fit about Bob taking their spot. It only matters if the spot they think they deserve is taken by a non white.

They have plenty of time to cry about that, but they never have any time for social justice work. I wonder why that is? I am still pretty bitter, so I may seem harsh. Of course it seems doubly harsh because it's about white people. People talk bad about minorities all the time. Apparently Langston Hughes poems and Spanish has ruined our schools, crack using minorities with $500 tennis shoes have stolen all the white people's jobs, while raping and pillaging,etc to hear some people tell it. But if someone says something like "You know, whites are pretty racist" You have to hear about where they have sand for days.

I'm all for white folks in principle, but after having to hear where they have sand for years, I really am pretty pissed off. While there are many white folks who either don't get sand up their orifices just because something didn't totally praise white people or if they do, clean it out themselves, it's just after years of going to school in the south, and reading southern newspapers and suchlike, you just say enough, enough, enough. If you don't shut up about your fucking sand while people are dying, I'm going to shove that sand so far up all your orifices that you'll have something to fucking cry about.

Blogging is very therapeutic, you know. Like you can't go out and say to people, even when they are being totally racist pigs- hey, shut up about your racist ass shit, or you'll have to hear their whining and crying. I like to be nice, and I am a shy person. But sometimes I just want to shove my foot so far up people's asses...

Don't worry kiddies- this is years and years of repressed rage!

I'm up at 1:30, and I really like this poem, because I was thinking of Carl Sandburg while I was reading it. Of course, Carl Sandburg is much better, as he was one of my childhood idols, but something about the style reminds me of that. F.C. Wong, thank you.

I have of course been unable to write poetry for many years. You must have something that I lack now to write a good poem. Maybe it's a kind of sustained energy for revision. I don't know. I wrote bad haiku in my notebook to keep myself from fidgeting too much during infancy class. But that's a whole different story.

It's only 10:30 and I am about to pass out. I think I have done enough studying for today. But then again, maybe I should do some extra just in case? Nah, I think I'll read my infancy stuff. This blog has been helpful in my decision.

I just don't get all the fuss about gays in the churches and stuff. Even if it WAS a sin(I'm not religious, but come on!) they let adulterers and people who go around coveting other people's donkeys practice freely and get married in the church. Aren't those sins like in the ten commandments or something? To me, it seems like it's really reaching for someone to hate. You don't like gay sex? Don't have any, but leave the rest of us alone.

I finally broke down and bought the cherry shoes from Hot Topic, but I am in the dark as to why anyone would ship using UPS (7-10 days delivery time for 7.30!) I'm such an id lately.

I often see overlaps between gender and race oppression. Like when feminists(I am one, I mean other ones) are like "God! It's like we're not supposed to have any boundaries" in response to men thinking women's bodies are public property, to me it feels like how blacks are supposed to suffer all sorts of oppression and blame it on themselves. Not to mention the idea of earning white america's respect seems like the beauty trap. For women, you can never be beautiful enough. The models that are held up as the most beautiful women- they are starving themselves, being hacked up by plastic surgery, being photoshopped into oblivion. To earn their respect, we'd have to destroy ourselves, but still, it'd never be enough.

Or maybe it's because I feel the most horrifying thing in the world is well, I can't name it. But my mental image is sort of a shadow looming up behind you- and it's created by all the impressions that others have of you. It's not you- but in other's minds, it's replaced you. And you can't like go and tell them that's not you, because they can't hear you. Man, I missed my point, but to me, that's a really creepy fucking idea.

Or while I'm talking about creepy fucking ideas- something else creepy is the idea of I don't know- just totally having to conform to ever increasing social demands. It's pretty obvious what my greatest fear is- other people. Well, we all have different problems, and that will be folded into our world views. So it's best to put our biases on the table.

For example, one bias that informs my world view is "don't fuck with women or children" I really don't like republicans because they fucked with the women and children. I don't care whether they are high caste(white, rich) or low caste(black, poor)- you shouldn't fuck with any women or children. But it's best to keep that on the table.

I have some grace soap from here, and it's becoming transparent. Somehow that is cool. Also I smell good(green tea) However I don't remember paying $5 for shipping.. I want some chai lip stuff but the shipping is so high. Shipping seems high lately for everything. Then again, I usually only ship very small items, which is like 83 cents at most, and if I am getting fancy on shipping, maybe I'll go priority and pay like 4 bucks. So I am surprised when it's like eight bucks to ship a pair of shoes. Did rates go up? Does this have something to do with gas prices?

I'm glad I finally found my brown lipstick. I was looking for lipstick in CVS, and the cheapest tube was like $5! I was like- what ever happened to wet and wild? I'm looking for shoes, and it's an uphill battle. Between a bunch of high heels,which I don't wear much because it's stupid to pay money to wear shoes you can't walk in, and people charging like 7, 8 bucks to ship a pair of shoes, I'm just beat. I guess it's time to execute my plan to use the marta. Then again, I don't have any money. Maybe I'll do it Sunday because I'll be able to get some money out of the atm, I guess.