Monday, May 24, 2010

I'm a mean mean person who hates decency and goodness, so I was not utterly surprised at the mildness of the 'bride bashing' this post references.

What bothers me is the way nice, smart, reasonable women get pressured into expecting decadent proposals, planning exorbitant weddings, micromanaging the decor/behavior/food/appearance/whereabouts of their friends and family, and then get judged for made-up etiquette breaches their friends will gossip about afterward. Almost makes you want to rethink marriage.

OH NO! IT'S BASIC FEMINIST THEORY! WITH A SHOCKING MIX OF CRITIQUING CAPITALISM! Yep, thanks to the nature of the patriarchy, even if you have great intentions, what's expected and what's done has a sort of inertia of its own. You love your future husband, and you don't want to cause a whole lot of trouble! Maybe a few compromises here, and there, and yea, your friends want this to go on, and you want them to be happy, and of course, you've been socialized to smooth things over, and of course, there's your family to deal with... and there's the wedding industrial complex pushing you with more 'needs', and before you know it, you've put down half [or maybe all of] a year's salary on a one day party.

The whole feminism is about choices thing is popular because it helps feminism fit neatly into capitalism. Modern femininity is mostly about capitalism as well, I think. Buy $300 shoes, buy this workout video to get skinny, buy this dress because being surrounded by friends isn't enough- it has to be this fairy tale. By hiding behind choices, we can have it all- perfect feminist purity and shoes that cost as much as our car note.

1 comment:

Sarahlynn said...

And when you try to break out of it, when you try to do something the least little bit different, people get so very angry, like you've attacked them personally.

Don't want to walk down the aisle on a white sheet to signify your purity or whatever? The horrors! Don't want to be introduced at the reception as Mr. and Mrs. HisWholeName? You've somehow just slapped everyone there in the face.

Yeah, sure, we have "choices." Do what's expected or offend everyone. Buy what's expected - and go into debt to do so - or be considered a killjoy. Bah humbug.