Breaking the gender binary is not easy to do.

The pain and loss of birthmothers from adoptions that were purported to be open, but really were only open on the conditions that the adoptive parents would allow.

Precious contributes to stigma, writers say. Note the excellent Akeelah and the Bee didn't get any awards.

As you all know, I'm a prude. So I was going to complain that for god's sake, your child does not need lingerie. They can wear days of the week panties like generations before. But sadly, the comments are terrible, full of OMG, SHE'S A HOE! SHE'LL GET RAPED! even though its just clothing that is really ugly and inappropriate. No matter how butt ugly, stupid looking and freedom restricting the clothing young girls wear is, it has nothing to do with their sexual morality and anyway, if you rape a ten year old, it's your own fault, no matter whether she was wearing jeans and a t shirt or fishnet stockings and a skirt that is up to there.

So yes, that line of clothing is butt ugly, and is a sad result of how we're telling little girls that their worth is in how 'hot' they look. But it doesn't make the girls hoes, sluts, or whatever. It's just hideous clothing.

I'm sort of worried. I think why are they publishing the full name of a girl who has been assaulted by the police? I'm worried people will drag her name through the mud because of this, even though it was the police man who did something wrong.

Henrietta Lacks is a name I didn't know. Up until 5 minutes ago, I thought it was Lax. Due to shockingly unethical behavior, her cells are still living and producing cures. There's a lot of stuff in this story from the anxiety of the family that they'll just be used and thrown away to the question of who really owns your cells. It sucks that it's through someone else and not people telling their own story, but then again, it's not like her family could really afford to max out their credit cards on a story that they didn't even know others would listen to...and plus, it would be hard to get an agent, etc.

Look at this amazing statement from Adoptees of Color. It tells us that we can't just spirit children away from everything they've known, and say it's alright. We can't just say 'they're orphans' without even thinking of the possibility they might have relatives or communities they already live in!

Also, strange Detroiters are freezing a house solid for reasons I don't understand. Art? protest?

and BTW: Disability is our lives, not your analogy!

Privledge is the idea that you can just show up with good intentions and not even think your cunning plan through. Of course the Haitian government doesn't want you to just abscond with children with no evidence of whether you're going to sell them to the highest bidder or whether you've gotten the approval of any family members the children might have had... Also, do the kids think they are just going away for a while and can come back or do they know that they might never see any of their family members ever again?

Haiti apparently doesn't need your breastmilk. Apparently, electricity and fridges would be needed to store it! Fancy that!

Hey, lady! Don't erase yourself from your own story! Sure, the stories in our culture say that a woman who is unpaired is defective somehow- too picky, not submissive enough, not pretty enough, and a man who is unpaired has been burnt by those evil women who are trying to chain him down with marriage, or fuck too much, or only want 'bad boys' or aren't submissive enough, or etc, etc. But you don't have to believe it! You can be the hero of your own story! Or at least I believe that. Or maybe my ramblings are pretty boring, sorry...

Women's panties are a subject of debate. And yes, ladies, you can have oral sex, even if you have HAIR ON YOUR VULVA! NOOOO! Apparently there is important things going on from the School of Our Lorde to people digging through the many layers of love. also, you can be in Our Bodies, OurSelves.

While people imagine evil women making poor poor men pay $100 a month and therefore not getting to buy Mass Effect 2 women are being coerced into physically and emotionally dangerous pregnancy.

Survey on teen boys and sex. Linking for bookmarks' sake.

White feminists see the glory of Monique's legs! Also, they talk about how even though they DON'T SHAVE, MEN still want to HAVE SEX WITH THEM, since HAVING A RELATIONSHIP is better than USING YOUR HAND and BEING ALONE WITH YOUR FANTASIES OF SEX ROBOTS! But at least, there's not too many HAIR IS SO GROSS, I HAVE TO SHAVE! DUE TO HOW GROSS IT IS! despite men being clean with hair on them.

If my brother doesn't even have to bathe half the time, I sure as hell am not going to be like OMG, MY LEGS HAVE A LITTLE STUBBLE ON THEM! TIME FOR THERAPY!!!

Racism in the dating scene sucks ass what with racism and sexism combining to make a toxic smog of oppression. Of course, 'beauty' means burn the scalp, bleach the skin, starve the body, rip the hair, etc, etc, etc.

Things to think about before adopting a Haitian child. When trying to help, the needs of the helped are the most important thing.

Let's all point and laugh at these losers who think their kids are too weak and fragile to be on the same team as everyone else. Oh noooo! little jonny might be exposed to people of other cultures! The horror! Can't let little jonny have his childhood fun with different people, you know!

Apparently doing things you know are wrong[having sex with trafficked women] is just because men need sex. More than integrity, decency, etc. Men don't need pesky things like empathy[what if I was in a foreign country, didn't speak the language and some stranger was trying to rape me up the ass?] or thinking before acting [you know, if going to prostitutes makes me feel bad, maybe I shouldn't do it] If women were men, this would be considered proof of inferiority- 'women can't control themselves! They'll do illegal, immoral stuff just because they can't keep their vaginas to themselves!' We'd hear about how women shouldn't be in high office, if they can't even keep themselves from cruising the ads in craigslist, placing a call, and setting aside the time an money to visit prostitutes! They just can't control themselves!

Of course, if men don't want to stoop to abusing women on the street, they can go and buy a creepy robot! or they can hump a pillow with the image of a young girl on it. About the why- I think there are probably many different whys. Some want to dominate, some are so stunted and broken by the patriarchy that they can't truly relate to people- a man can only relate to their 'inferiors' i.e. women by sex. It's like how men are trained to replace emotions like sadness or vulnerability with anger.

The desire to be with people is replaced by sex. And sadly, the sex that is sold to us is joyless. Robots with one word personalities aren't far off from the dull mass produced pornography that is seen as 'sexy' nowadays or contrived 'girlfriend' relationships in which a man pays for a shallow imitation of intimacy.

People long for joy, for true intimacy, but they can't receive it by paying for it. Making oneself vulnerable to real relationships with real people is scary, but I don't think that puerile fantasy can sustain them...

This post on Haitian heritage is beautiful.

Oh fun! Burning labia!

Sexism and racism combine to cause women of color to use dangerous skin lightening creams. The comments on this are already stupid!

Also, in other news, newsweek decides to mock some chick who has gone to extremes to be 'beautiful'.

Childcare worker has dumb ideas about potty training.

I hear that people are assuming awesome new genders that have more space in them than the old notions of 'women' and men'. Total fucking nerd is an awesome gender!

I think that the prisoner involved IS a woman[it's not so much chromosomes, as well...it's a social thing. I can't explain]. Just a very evil one, who out to be ashamed of herself. There's enough womanhood to go around for everyone. There's no need to be all insulting to the 99% of trans women who are perfectly fine people, just because one is a terrible person.

While extremely thin women might not be 'sexy', I think that the issue isn't how 'sexy' they are or aren't, it's that the judges judged unfairly based on prevailing standards, which are unrealistic for 99% of women.

Whether men think bigger women are 'hot' is also of no concern either- judging women on their fuckibility is stupid, I say.

What sort of dick would use this disaster to put Haiti in more debt? Maybe we should just forgive their debt.

Tropers argue about Ryona, a genre of youtube videos edited to show female characters beaten up. As a mean ol' feminist, I think it shows a disregard for women.

The discussion page is a wank fest.

I was reading this post, and sadly, remembered that it is now my duty to remind everyone that they don't need my approval. Despite my clever blog posts, my amazing taste in entertainment, and my sloth like energy levels, sadly, sadly, you don't have to obey my bloggish edicts. I cry crystal tears as I remember that even though I say that giving your 7 year old My Makeup instead of Mario, Zelda or Nintendogs, is totally cruel- fostering Pink Think as well as depriving her of the fun of games that are awesome, you sadly, don't have to obey me.

Even when I tell you that your 7 year old doesn't need lipstick! you don't have to cry, as instead of the grand poobah of feminism, instead I'm more of a random person off the street. DARN REALITY! YOU RUIN MY LIFE!

But seriously, this sort of reminds me of 'reverse racism'. Any sort of pushback against the system is seen as way worse than the actual issue. We can't really critique the system as we're busy going "Oh, I'm not SCARY! Tehehee!" and for some reason, not being a 'scary' feminist means going along with the prevailing appearance standards, which sort of weirds me out. Of all the ass kicking shit we're going to do, what scares folks the most? Not being decorative objects. Well, rock on, then!

You know...from my experience[ok, I try to tutor some children in math. I seem to have the same 20 or so every day], girls are actually better in math. Girls are socialized to sit down and not disrupt the entire class, which means they can actually learn their multiplication tables or how many feet are in a yard, which are the building blocks of mathematical brilliance. It's not considered masculine to sit down, learning about things that will eventually give you the knowledge to blow shit up.

Although of course, this is a small sample, and the girls might all be just children left after school... Soon we'll get all the children who actually failed math, so interesting things will happen soon.

Companies manage to bone us all. No job security, no benefits, and on page 3, more people working for free. I laughed at the folks wasting money on training in 'positive thinking'. If your employees weren't stupid to begin with, positive thinking won't make them dumb enough not to notice their precarious position.

In other news, some garbage men won't work in 11 degrees. People are enraged since they get paid $18 an hour and "should be glad to have jobs".

Cripchick wants information on liberation schools or community led schools.

Poor woman gets heating help- sadly people are OUTRAGED that people who need it get help instead of freezing in the snow. And the sad bit is that people act like the poor don't put anything in. Labor, payroll tax, sales tax and probably property tax this woman pays. And the three children are future producers and the young woman will probably [and probably has already] produced both labor, taxes and consumption, which people forget fuels the economy.

and all this without considering the moral value of not letting people freeze.

I learn that just because you try to be relatively sane in a post doesn't mean the comments won't be a bowl of crazy.

Bullies are the kids of working moms.

and I don't know what's going on here, but whatever. although I do find it annoying when people act like only sahms are raising their kids. The obsessive single focus model of motherhood is probably relatively new- women were doing a lot of food production and community activity in the home- it wasn't all flash cards, and whatever.

I'm always skeptical about more gym classes helping student physical fitness, because not only do many instructors humiliate students and suck totally and also, what is the quality of things being taught in class? Is it just team sports or something that the kids can actually use throughout life?

Shame on this police officer who raped prostitutes and only got 7 years for it.

Unrelated, sex worker art projects.

TQCers wish that people would stop acting like posting their bra colors does fuck all for breast cancer.

Genderbitch is very hurt by feminist insensitivity.

Creating awareness my ass. The only thing this creates awareness of is naked supermodels and we are already aware of them.

Man, this is some serious whiteboy butthurt here.

I learned not only that sex addiction is made up by the mean prudes that rule the world to prevent us from having fun, but also that prudes are no fun to date.

Because we really need people who aren't really comfortable having sex just because they ate dinner with someone a few times having sex because of pressure not to be a prude. Yep! That's going to foster healthy sexual relationships right there! Also, it reminds me of some sort of Leisure Suit Larry guy from the 70s. "Hey, baby, you must be a prude if you don't fuck me immediately in the way I like!" *sleazy shame* "Hey, why are you walking off? YOU'LL BE ALONE! YOU MEAN BITCH PRUDE!"

The problem is that while there are many very sexual women and men who aren't shy about casual sex, that's not the only type of person out there. There are asexuals, people who want sex only intermittently, people who think sex is intimate and therefore should be shared only by people who have known each other for a long time or are married, people who think sex is OK, but not really that important. We act like these folks are pathological, but there's more of them than we think.

I'm a sexual myself, but people act like all people make sex the centerpiece of the relationship, while I think that some might find commitment, or mutual hobbies, more important to their relationship, and sex might just be like playing Settlers of Catan together- fun, but not all consuming.

I get the feeling that if we eliminated food stamps, the majority of the behavior change would be more like 'people get off their job at the Circle K and start stealing from trashcans' and less like 'people become productive members of society, however that is defined that somehow still includes their sub standard wage job... I think the independence from the bureaucracy would probably look more like stabbing rich people in the throat and rioting than a Randian paradise, but this is why I am an outcast from society, etc.

I'm not sure how two parent homes would have prevented this murder, but go on CA commentators! Also, I learn that if poor people didn't live in the city, there wouldn't be any crime...

Also, OMG, POOR FOLKS! I didn't know Memphis was that large, though.

My moral superiority is class S!


In America, we've perfected the moral superiority contest. We talk about how hard we had it, maybe embellishing a bit- smooth over the help from the rents, the good health you enjoyed, etc- while beating others about the head about how they only worked part time when you worked full time while you were in school.

Instead of us all banding together, saying hey, this system isn't working for anyone, we make it into a contest of who can do the most before they break down and crack. But when we break down, who will catch us? We can't catch others from a place of superiority.

But everyone is losing out. The people who break down and drop out. The people who would have benefited from the creativity and talent of those who aren't strong but have something to say. The children who feel the stress of their caretakers. The employers that get lower quality work.

We're not machines. We're human. When we realize this, we can work for a system that everyone can do their best in.

You know, apparently I have slutty nipples.

Ugly ass pink telescopes cause much consternation at PZ's. The problem is not so much pink as the default toy your brother will be getting from the grandparents is the EXPLOSIVE DEATH STICK 2000 and you'll be getting a disembodied head so you can do its hair. Major bummer, dude.

I am a feminist so every choice I make is feminist

From zombieroadtrip.

I think that this is sort of a hidden backlash. We have to spend all our time declaiming how we feminists are truly feminine, while folks pushing back everyone's rights have open field to mess us up! In 2010, let's kick those folks asses.

Also, I've decided that I'll identify as fucking awesome instead of as a woman. But this has no affect on you, and doesn't really matter.

I just realized why I am messy! My brother was all like clean up the living room, and then complaining about the way I cleaned it. He can have higher standards because he can expect other people to clean shit for him, and then he can complain about how it's not clean enough. I know I'll have to clean shit myself, so I STFU about mess.

Also, I thought they couldn't invent something wackier than pube shaving, but now...we have LABIA COLORANT! I have no idea how folks will defend this. But go wild, folks. I'm hoping you do your best on this! hehehehe.

Oh hahaha, now they are trying to pretend that having pink labia is somehow 'healthier' than browner labia. LOLZ, 'health'

I hear that many trans people want fewer poorly done and embarrassing grad school studies and more actual tangible help.

Here's a long considered post about why Lifestyle Activism is stupid. I'm going to riff off of it, as I usually do. Personally, I think that declaring that the stuff we are already doing is 'activism' or 'feminism'[a HUGE pet peeve of mine, as you can tell.] is just spinning our wheels. We can pretty much retcon any thing we already do into being activism. I like playing video games and reading shoujo manga. I COULD say that me playing Persona 4 is lifestyle activism because there's storylines about gender roles, and anyway, GIRL GAMER!!!!! but come on, I'm not fooling ANYONE.

I think this sort of navel gazing is pretty comfortable for those in power. I mean, me going on about how freecycle is so much fun, brings together the community, and helps clean house is NOT going to break down the capitalist system that has people hoping someone will take pity on them and give them some food.

And yea, western style liberal feminism did start with consciousness raising, but I get the feeling it wasn't about how much they loved mopping the floor, and how great those new dresses at Marshall Fields are. If they were, I'm sure it would have been a whole lot less threatening to the status quo. Sadly, the backlash is so pronounced that feminism nowadays is reduced to the modern day equivalent of saying we love to mop the floor.

Apparently you shouldn't give folks your boxes of kraft mac and cheese from 1996.

Dear the internet, I am not pleased with military women being forced to risk their health because of stupid politics. That reminds me of this Quiverfull book I am reading, in which some poor lady had to write out that her being raped while in the military was not her somehow cheating on her husband, because of some unusual church rules. Personally, I don't agree with the Quiverfull lifestyle. Yes, I disagree with some aspects of other people's lifestyles and behaviors, especially as my temperament says BUT WHAT IF YOUR HUSBAND IS AN ABUSIVE FUCK WHO IS ATTRACTED TO PATRIARCHY BECAUSE HE GETS RESPECT JUST FOR HAVING A PENIS, AND YOU HAVE TO RUN OFF, AND YOU'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN ALLOWED TO GO TO CHRISTIAN COLLEGE?! The worst case scenario, that's me! I'm sure they are all changing their lives to elicit my worldly approval.

In other news, our economic system is really inefficient. I hear 45% of Detriot's workforce is un or underemployed. We talk about how we're such a rich and powerful nation, but I can't believe that we can't get more people into good paying and decent jobs. I think a lot of the un or under employed have valuable skills we could be using, but we're so tied up with a system that throws thousands out of work if the stock price drops one cent, we can't use them.

Sadly, pearl clutching is fun and fast, and actual work is not glamorous and is slow slow. I think this is the root of the 'why don't you protest against thugs' fallacy. Being in a tutoring program, a mentoring program, isn't flashy, and becoming an activist against folks who want there to be no investment in anything that might be productive or useful is derided. Do a jobs not jails action and see what the same folks complaining about thugs say.

Instead we're supposed to hold out for a black male hero to marry us women[because all problems can be solved if those single moms just got married], and not worry our pretty little heads over unequal school funding, lack of infrastructure, and job discrimination.

There's debate about feminine pursuits.

Why are male interests considered fun and female interests considered boring? [note: it's because 'female interests' are usually work in disguise. Work to be hot, work to make people feel good, work to clean stuff, and feed people, work, work, work.]

Hey! I like masculine things, and I'm a good feminist! Hmm...well...I do see a lot of push to be like WE LOVE TRADITIONALLY FEMININE THINGS AND WE'RE FEMINIST!!! which seems to sort of pushing the rest of us who don't like baking and shaving to one side...

HELL YEAH, I LOVE SCIENCE!

Sadly, girl with dog icon, we don't.

Strangely enough, before the 90s, most women were able to survive the SUFFERING of having PUBIC HAIR, and their lives went on. Actually, I think in Europe, many women still SUFFER THE PAIN of having pubes! You know what? We on the net wouldn't have known what you do with your pubes if you hadn't told us. If you love your pubeless vulva, why drag in Andrea Dworkin and the Mean Feminists[tm]?


Also, here's some stupid. about how the ghost of Andrea Dworkin came into people's homes and made them not be ~~PRETTY~~. You know what? The real enemy of feminine women is the patriarchy- lower paying work, the mommy track, sexual violence against women, etc. It's not us *mean feminists* who question why 90% of JUST HATE HAIR people are women, or who wonder about the time and money spent to look 'acceptable' in this society as a woman as compared to the time and money for a man[notice the Nice Guy who thinks he deserves a woman at the top of society's looks tier despite his unremarkable looks and often disgusting personality].


I sometimes wish that women could accept themselves. Love the people who are working hard inside their bodies with their fat, their stretch marks, and heck, even HAIR. See the essential part of themselves not as 'how do I look?' but 'how am I moving through the world?'. I don't want to be 'a man' as much as I want to be 'treated' as a man. Pit hair? Not EW, GROSS, HOW DARE YOU! but oh well..what's next? The face I woke up with, the one I was born with and the ones I love see through thick and thin? Not YOU'D LOOK BETTER IF... but accepted as it is. My stride, not sultry and seductive, but straight ahead? Not I'LL TEACH YOU TO WALK RIGHT! but accepted. My genitalia? Not MAYBE IF IT LOOKS LIKE THIS... but loved despite the fact that I'm an mammal. My style? Not MAN, YOU'D LOOK BETTER IN HEELS, HOOP EARRINGS, A DRESS, BLAH BLAH but just seen as what I wear to keep warm.

Your enemy is not us mean feminists who wonder why, who long to understand why things are the way they are; your enemy is our society, slicing us all to bits. Maybe the gender policing doesn't hurt you- maybe you're struggling for things to be the same. That's nice and well, but realize that things will stay the status quo without I HATE HAIR! crap,ok?

Teen girls think becoming a prostitute is edgy. I think they are wrong. Violence against sex workers is real, and stigma. It's not all happy hookers and ~empowerment~. And not to mention, what if the police extort you for sex? That's sick.

For some reason, I'm not so sure that rounding up homeless folks using the police is the best approach. Many homeless people might be scared of the police. I think it's a shame that there's no free shelter in Memphis. The Peace and Justice Center is being slammed here for thinking long term, but sometimes you need to think long term.

Just having sweeps every time there's a frost doesn't touch the problem at all.

Sex trafficking scandal breaks in Korea- K pop fans more worried about their favorite stars than the girls who were raped in sex slavery ring.

A woman died in the marathon today. I saw the runners coursing down the streets, trying to pace themselves, and trying not to be distracted by onlookers. I felt pretty impressed, as I'm more of the 'lay down and cough' type, although recently, I've been complaining more about how my side feels like someone kicked me in it...

Some stupid article pisses me off again.


Apparently, women who drink, don't drink, have jobs, don't have jobs, who aren't high maintenance, who are high maintenance, etc, shouldn't be dated.

Oh yea, and this is a good one. Hahaha, WOMEN! YOU NEED TO BE FEMININE! SO GET BREAST IMPLANTS!

...is this site a joke? I sure hope it is, but I cant tell...

OH NO! WOMEN OVER THE AGE OF 20 HAVEN'T SETTLED DOWN TO BABIES AND A 'PROPER' FEMININE ROLE! NOW, THEY ARE OUT, HAVING SEX WITH MEN OF THEIR OWN AGE OR YOUNGER! BEWARE! BEWARE! BEWARE!

30% of children are in poverty in Memphis- Memphians' answers? complain about single moms. Hey you! YOU can mentor a child today!

The scoring on state report cards confuses me, personally.

I think people should stop going OMG, THEY ARE DRINKING SODA ON MY TAX DOLLARS! especially since in Memphis, half of our kids are being fed from food stamps. Our system is so inefficent because we're overly worried about 'morality'- measured in how many jobs you can have before you can collapse, in how little pleasure you have in your life, and god forbid you have children! Man, I'm a child freer, but if you like children, you should be allowed to have them!

Let's stop judging folks on things like that for the holidays,ok?

About the craving for a space of purity and protection for young girls I think that we can create spaces that aren't about some man has to save you or YOU GOTTA BE SEXUAL IN THIS WAY, RIGHT NOW! I think that maybe we can write counternarratives or something...

I was expecting something about how race might complicate Tiana and that Naveen's relationship- say, if they declared him 'white', could they get together? But if folks say he's 'black', wouldn't he get sick of the shoddy treatment? What about his home country? What would they think about that?

But NO! We get 'black women are single because they are holding out for a black hero'. Whaaaat? There's no pervasive cultural messages about the desirability of black women?! We don't get any shit like "I can't date a black woman...they don't like opera"[but women of other races don't like opera much either!!!]?! No! It's because when asian, white and latino men are blanketing us with marriage proposals, we're saying no? I'm not seeing it.

And maybe some women don't marry because they don't want unsuitable men*, did you ever think about that?

*I say 'men' because everyone is too picky about marriage laws lately. They barely will let women marry women, even though plenty of people would enjoy marriage that way!

How the Girls of Sudan Became Lost- with a combination of cultural misogynies.

How people living sustainably with the land became victims of large NGOs!

Wow, this 'if white women were black women' post just kicked my ass with awesome!

Personally, no wonder our economy is full of old socks if people can't hire folks because they had a sensible wedding instead of total insanity.

Darn, and just when mamitamala had healed my soul by noting that the idea that everyone has to earn everything is kind of silly. It might be 'unamerican' to say so, but I always feel I never measure up. IT'S A DEEP HOLE IN MY SOUL!

The patriarchy hurts women who have something against Asians too.

I think maybe this neurosis about having hair that's not on your head is sort of a culture bound syndrome, but then again, maybe I don't understand femininity. The idea of being a mammal causing enough angst to self maim your vag confuses me greatly.

Also, stupid free.

Is VaginaPagina a safe space for poor WOC? Some think not.

White feminists fight about knitting!

In the comments of this article about hunger, people deny that it exists in America. These people are idiots.

White feminists are discussing the sex lives of beauty queens. While personally, I don't like the word 'prudery' here- as it's usually used as a slam towards women who have their own sexual boundaries, I do agree with the bit about how female genitalia is considered unclean. A wing wong is considered lovable[unless it's attached to a woman- then it's OMG, A TRAP!!] unconditionally, but a vagina? They gotta be hairless, the labia has to look like this, and of course, there should be no stretch marks on the body around it...HEY, HOW COME I NEVER GET LAID?!

And in this PORN IN PUBLIC article, I get the vibe that we're supposed to be like that lady who is like ha! man! I love being exposed to porn in public! It's a dominance display in my mind. Look! I can expose you to my sexual fetishes and you can't do anything about it! Yea, and I can expose you, and your kids to my erect wing wong! I got a wing wong- gotta love it!

If you watch porn in the library, you need to be smacked, imo.

New study shows that serial rapists, who make up a large portion of rapes, deserve a foot in the face.

Hey, newsweek guy! We haven't given up! But the truth is that we might be working hard, but other folks work against. While it was wrong for dude to punch chica here in the face, the bull people spout pushes us back. The space between us increases every time folks attack us with their hurtful words. Then again, the idea that dads are a magic panacea also increases the space between us and our goals.

Or maybe I should say, the idea that only men, and only biological fathers can be 'dads' widens the space. We can all help protect children from the violence of the world and nurture their growth. We can all be 'dads' for the children- we just need to broaden our perspective.

But looking from another perspective, saying we need dads in the homes means we don't have to do anything. I mean, what can we do? If only she had stayed with that dude! We have no complicity in the conditions- it's all the fault of people who aren't getting married. It's easy for us, isn't it?

People talk about achievement issues, in an unhelpful manner. Less bitching about the morals of other people/other people's children- more connections to mentoring or tutoring. Although with folks' funky ass attitudes, they won't be much help. They'll be the sort of people who think 12 year olds all go to school with shivs or the type of person who gives a little kid who wants some potato chips a lecture about how they should work for their potato chips or something.

So on second thought, bump that.

I don't think doctors should have to write referrals to acupuncture, because some stuff just doesn't count as health care. It's like having to have a doctor write a prescription for taking a warm bath with smelly stuff in it. Probably no effect beyond placebo, but it's unlikely to actually harm anyone either.

Colorlines wonders why film about poor black people by rich black people stays silent on the political realities of 1980s Harlem.

Is it me or is the rate of unemployment for black men without high school double the rate for white men without highschool?

High drop out rate not helped by our THEY JUST LAZY attitude.

Slactivists debate whether we should give a quarter to some drunk guy on the street or not.

Some dumbfuck police officer has sex with prostitutes while on duty. People are concerned that he may be a rapist[have sex with me so I won't arrest you is also rape, dudes]

I get the feeling this article might be classist.

Can flu shots prevent premature babies?

Kai Chang's PC essay has become popular again in recent days.

I find that I am unable to write lately.

Now crazies are spreading insanity by car flyers!

The sex industry is depressing, white feminists learn.

The struggles of a mom struggling with a child with cancer and the silly practices of woo woos.

Not vaxing your kids can cause outbreaks of disease. Guy hated for saying the obvious.

This lady had a point until she got to the prostitution part. THE MALE ORGASM ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT, DUDES. Many women aren't getting laid, but do we see oh, it's necessary to have a class of folks taking care of the need of women to orgasm? NOOO. For some reason, prostitution as a vaguely unpleasant job makes me imagine hundreds of women clenching their teeth and imagining themselves a world away as some dude pumps away, and that image disturbs me. It seems like the image of rape for me, and I can't make the two be different in my head.

Sexist jerks try to use 'prude' to silence, but geek girl sees through that mess. The reason they use 'prude' is that they know it's effective. In this society, women are supposed to be 'fun' and 'sexy' with a 'sense of humor'. Strangely, men aren't expected to have a sense of humor about pictures of extremely hung men in speedos in unrelated presentations. And no, the answer isn't to put more inappropriate pictures of men everywhere- it's to put sex in proper perspective.

There's a time for near nudes and crude jokes and there's a time for getting down to business. A professional conference is the time for getting down to business.

Hey, annoying Memphis flyer guy, get a clue! 1st, what's with this 'trannies' mess? Thanks for the offensive language. And what's with the wah, a rapper mentioned white cops beating down black dudes? Dude dude dude. Mentioning this isn't what is preventing racial reconciliation- it's worrying about some rapper mentioning reality over the problem of the police being poorly trained!

But I guess the gulf between us can't be bridged. Even though I'm middle class, our experiences are too different. It's quite a tragedy.

The fire that killed those children was a tragedy, and you should never leave two year olds alone. But the comments here, I think are wrong. For example, I don't think people are OMG HAVING BABIES FOR THE WELFARE. Note that the MAXIMUM cash benefit for a family of three is $185. Parents, and those who know parents compare that with the expense of raising *one* child for a month. Even using food stamps as a medium of exchange, a family of three would 'earn' $300 from those food stamps. In comparison, if you worked 20 hours a week at MCDonalds for a month, you would earn $580[gross.] and that is less work than having two kids.

Also, I am sort of wonky about the OMG, THEY SHOULD BE STERILIZED posse. That reminds me too much of the involuntary sterilizations of the past. I believe that not having a baby is fine and having babies is good too. A woman can use her fertility if she wants to. I say this because it's so easy to be a 'bad mother' nowadays. If you're single, poor, are black, according to a lot of people, the joy of motherhood should elude you forever. Bumpkis to that.

and on an unrelated note:
I think we get ourselves into the 7 year degree trap with our own work ethic. We should give our students the ability to really focus on school itself, instead of YOU SHOULD BE WORKING 5 JOBS, BEING IN TWO COMMITTEES, AND PARTYING EVERY NIGHT sort of attitude we have.

CA talks about crime. In comments we get a bunch of stereotypes and failed policies.

In other news, it seems that social work programs have been cut.

I learned that Alexis Pauline Gumbs is in Utne's visionaries. I thought that poem she read on the SPEAK! CD should be handed out to every middle schooler on the planet. I'm so envious. She and bint are people who I love, but make me sad because I'm the opposite. Their love is truly radical, and heals others and gives them courage. I used to be the human bomb- tearing into others without remorse, but now I'm just a slacker. They say that to encourage others gives them courage, and that's what they do. People who can connect to others are special.

Unrelated, I'd like to upgrade a comment I made to this blog:

Yea, as an evil rad fem, I'd like to be like consent is important because of bodily integrity, not because it's 'sexy'. Consent isn't a performance of the feminine role as the provider of 'sex', it's an affirmation of our own integrity!

I learn that Rainbow Brite is now 'a slut'. Now, there's a critque to be made about how girl's characters now have to be 'fashionable', but this whole slutty thing is too far.

We probably will never be able to move forward, I think. Note this article. Apparently, the whole problem with Memphis AND Detriot is not anything crazy like economic issues, infrastructure or education. It's black mayors not being nice enough to white folks. I guess that's convenient for all of us. We don't have to do anything if that's the problem. We'll elect a new mayor, and if he's not all we desire, it'll be his problem.

That reminds me- a man from Chicago was talking about reducing violence against children in the school system.

But in many neighborhood high schools, adults add to a culture of aggression. Security guards holler, teachers curse. Kids get physical and adults do to.

A year ago this week I was at Robeson High School reporting another story. Robeson is now one of the 38 schools targeted for a culture makeover.

It was October 16, about 3 PM, sunny…Students were leaving school. I was driving out of the parking lot when I saw one of Robeson’s assigned police officers grab a boy and slam him against a police car.

The officer raised his arm and hammered the side of the boy’s head, smashing it into the car. Another officer held the boy, even though he wasn’t putting up a fight. The first officer punched him in the face again.

I stopped my car and scrambled to turn on my tape recorder…This is all I got—the police sending away the crowd of kids who'd gathered.

POLICE: Get the f*** away now! Get this motherf***** in the back of your car! I headed for a group of kids who saw the beating.
UTTON: Did you see it?

GIRL: Yes I did. OK. The little boy was walking he looked like he was on his way home. The police just ran up on him, grabbed him from behind, boom boom boom—started punching him all in his face

GIRL2: And then the other police officer… In the past four years, CPS says there have been more than 400 cases of district employees physically abusing students. That includes everything from coaches paddling athletes to kids being hit with staplers. Huberman says he wants to re-train security guards as part of his culture of calm—he’s even suggested a security guard academy.


That sort of chaos where the adults are useless or may even be contributing to the violence... I don't think children can learn much in that environment. Instead of us believing our children[the children of the city are the children of all the city, I say] are always chaotic evil maybe a more nuanced understanding of the world would help our cities?

Hey, random, dude, I don't know you, but I'd shut up about what Egyptian women want to wear right about now. I'd like us all to live in an amazing feminist utopia, but if women want to work with their religious beliefs and cultural values, I'm not sure I should just go and say they are all subjugating themselves.

Horoscopes:

Aquarius: You will swim through sea loogies today.
Pisces: Have you ever been a vegan French-African fusion chef? You might want to look into that. Yes, no exceptions.
Aries: You're an asshole.
Taurus: Tea is unlucky.
Gemini: Three words: quarters in socks.
Cancer: You have too many shoes.
Leo: Your room is a mess. Therefore, no booty for you.
Virgo: Fish will feature much in your future.
Libra: You can't fight the power with haricot vert.
Scorpio: You're doomed. Go back to bed.
Sagittarius: Your head will become pointier.
Capricorn: They won't get your Greek soul today.

Today's Horoscopes:

Aries: Your plans will fail.

Taurus: Your plans will succeed.

Gemini: You will do something helpful.

Cancer: You will bake lasagna. Yes, even if you don't know what it is.

Leo: Eat something sweet.

Virgo: Eat something salty. Remember everyone is having a good time, but you.

Libra: Today is a good day for art.

Scorpio: You will contribute greatly to a wiki. Yes, even if you don't know what a wiki is.

Sagittarius: You will have an awesome time in New York. NO EXCEPTIONS!

Capricorn: Your secret swiss bank account is not so secret anymore.

Aquarius: Your secret kink is not so secret anymore.

Pisces: Fanfiction will figure greatly into your day.

Lucky Color: Red

Lucky Food: Sausage

Lucky Item: Bologna.

South Korean mothers fight for their right to raise their own children, wed or unwed. Personally, I think single moms aren't pathological. Doing your best to raise a child is a good thing, and slamming single moms is just cruel.

Oh, this is a good one. First it accuses feminists of being 'crazy', which is all fun what with the sexist bit about women speaking their mind=insanity, and the ableist assumption that the mentally ill don't have valid opinions. We also have the great use of 'retarded', because nobody on the net is disabled, or knows any disabled people,and BUT SOMETHING ELSE IS WORSE, and also, if we don't like porn, we're dumb.

Why don't you just stick to 'you hate sex, and are ugly?' pro porners. [edit: they took this down, after much twitter complaint.]

A JAM? I laugh and WTF. I hear that transfolks are full of rage over folks going around saying 'hey, let's name people's genitalia!'

Conspiracy theory monday! I think a lack of health care aggravates underlying conditions, leading to flu deaths.

Do you live in Hernando? They are looking for two stupid white males who didn't have the sense not to shoot at people on the road.

The reason people react so negatively to scorn on single parents, etc, is that it's not very useful. If scorning women for having kids worked, then we wouldn't be talking about this. It's all talking about the morals of other people's children- unless you're down in the trenches working to make things better, you just seem like some random classist.

In other news, doing girly stuff continues to baffle me.

People in other countries don't understand how an ER visit can put you in debt. They think you only wait 2 hours and spend $200 dollars. LOLOLOL!

Assholes with strange fixations on barely teen girls and who are rapists apparently get less time than folks who are drug addicts

It seems that whiny and homophobic emails get you fired from black colleges. A lot better than republican parties in which they can put racist emails everywhere and get away with a fake apology.

Well...old maid for lyfe!

Well...here's some waste, fraud and abuse we can cut out of our healthcare system.

Overall good article, but what's with the 'bad sex' thing?

I bet the 'I was helping the poor' excuse wouldn't fly if a woman was buying shoes online during work.

BfP makes arching connections in the case of Roman Polanski. I think it is psychological, but I think everything is. If we like Polanski, we try to make up reasons why he is justified, even in monstrosity. Then the comments get into self hating folks. Well, I think most of us have a need to be one up. This is why 'solutions' in the complaining about the morals of other people's children genre are so popular. "Man', we say, 'if only those other people taught their children to not have sex/study/to get JAYSUS, we'd all be fine'. We don't have to do anything, since it's all the fault of those other people, with their terrible ways, and we get to feel great about ourselves! Anyway, I think that even though sometimes folks do say fuck you, I choose my choice! the critique that people internalize negative standards is still valid.

This is getting rambly, so hey, let's go and slap the author of a triggery fanfic in the face.