Posts on children in public are a hot topic. This is because we have to share public space, and everyone has so many different mores[should children have more freedom or should they be more disciplined? How well behaved can we expect a child to be? What is the role of the parent and the role of the public in this?] and most of our desires are mutually exclusive.

I try to err on the side of not being the parent police, but due to long socialisation and general irritability, I often fail. Intellectually, I understand all that about the policing of women's reproduction, and the different standards for children of color, and there's also the issue of individualism versus community and different social mores[to me, a gun shop is not a family friendly space, to others, it is], but it's all such a jumble and a mess that I can't say anything coherent about it. So here's what other people think:

Ma'ia- ain't I a mama? Personally, I don't like even being mistaken for a mother in public, but I'll think on it.

Also, Karnythia has an opinion on this too. Although I'll note that Jack in comments might be talking about alcoholism there.

Support women and children's rights!

People w/ disabilites vs moms?

On boobquake, brainquake, femquake, whatever, I say bah. I don't think feminism is really good if we focus only on self empowerment, as everyone can try to be 'the exception' without really changing the status quo. I want to lift everyone up, not just the few.

Procrastination Monday!

A good piece on rape culture! Folks will act like anything is consent, but only consent is consent. i.e. nudity ain't consent, eating expensive dinners ain't consent, existing in the same room as a man ain't consent, short skirts ain't consent...

We were told to get an education and play by the rules, now all we got is debt. Of course, for every celebrity that's getting paid, there's a thousand folks making a fool of themselves on tv for nothing.

Blergh, the same ol' one woman carps about femininity culture, and that's totally the same as the entire weight of the culture bullshit.

Old white dudes, you don't need to forward every email you see. No one needs to know you're a racist. Keep that to yourself.

Men bored with porn, start wanking it to facebook.

This happy black woman doesn't want to be some man's imaginary perfect wifey. She wants to be herself.

The system broke, because we didn't think of what would happen when the bottom fell out. In those heady days of the 90s, we threw around words like personal responsibility, and thought the economy would always provide jobs. Our judgments and haughty misjudgments clouded our thoughts, and we couldn't see the people who needed our help. We only saw their imperfections, our judgments of what we would have done. In our imaginations, we'd never do something as crazy as watching tv or having a cell phone so when we were stranded in the cold between our two, three jobs we could call somebody. We imagined that it was like that time in college, when we worked two jobs, as we brag to everyone. We didn't say that we knew it was temporary, and a bright horizon awaited us just beyond.

I don't know who this we is. I want to take some of the blame on myself. And I think others also didn't see the bad times coming. We thought that somehow by magic, jobs would be there if only someone wished hard enough. I don't know what I mean, but all I can think of is that we have failed.

I was expecting something about how race might complicate Tiana and that Naveen's relationship- say, if they declared him 'white', could they get together? But if folks say he's 'black', wouldn't he get sick of the shoddy treatment? What about his home country? What would they think about that?

But NO! We get 'black women are single because they are holding out for a black hero'. Whaaaat? There's no pervasive cultural messages about the desirability of black women?! We don't get any shit like "I can't date a black woman...they don't like opera"[but women of other races don't like opera much either!!!]?! No! It's because when asian, white and latino men are blanketing us with marriage proposals, we're saying no? I'm not seeing it.

And maybe some women don't marry because they don't want unsuitable men*, did you ever think about that?

*I say 'men' because everyone is too picky about marriage laws lately. They barely will let women marry women, even though plenty of people would enjoy marriage that way!

The fire that killed those children was a tragedy, and you should never leave two year olds alone. But the comments here, I think are wrong. For example, I don't think people are OMG HAVING BABIES FOR THE WELFARE. Note that the MAXIMUM cash benefit for a family of three is $185. Parents, and those who know parents compare that with the expense of raising *one* child for a month. Even using food stamps as a medium of exchange, a family of three would 'earn' $300 from those food stamps. In comparison, if you worked 20 hours a week at MCDonalds for a month, you would earn $580[gross.] and that is less work than having two kids.

Also, I am sort of wonky about the OMG, THEY SHOULD BE STERILIZED posse. That reminds me too much of the involuntary sterilizations of the past. I believe that not having a baby is fine and having babies is good too. A woman can use her fertility if she wants to. I say this because it's so easy to be a 'bad mother' nowadays. If you're single, poor, are black, according to a lot of people, the joy of motherhood should elude you forever. Bumpkis to that.

and on an unrelated note:
I think we get ourselves into the 7 year degree trap with our own work ethic. We should give our students the ability to really focus on school itself, instead of YOU SHOULD BE WORKING 5 JOBS, BEING IN TWO COMMITTEES, AND PARTYING EVERY NIGHT sort of attitude we have.

I learned that Alexis Pauline Gumbs is in Utne's visionaries. I thought that poem she read on the SPEAK! CD should be handed out to every middle schooler on the planet. I'm so envious. She and bint are people who I love, but make me sad because I'm the opposite. Their love is truly radical, and heals others and gives them courage. I used to be the human bomb- tearing into others without remorse, but now I'm just a slacker. They say that to encourage others gives them courage, and that's what they do. People who can connect to others are special.

Unrelated, I'd like to upgrade a comment I made to this blog:

Yea, as an evil rad fem, I'd like to be like consent is important because of bodily integrity, not because it's 'sexy'. Consent isn't a performance of the feminine role as the provider of 'sex', it's an affirmation of our own integrity!

Hey, random, dude, I don't know you, but I'd shut up about what Egyptian women want to wear right about now. I'd like us all to live in an amazing feminist utopia, but if women want to work with their religious beliefs and cultural values, I'm not sure I should just go and say they are all subjugating themselves.

BfP makes arching connections in the case of Roman Polanski. I think it is psychological, but I think everything is. If we like Polanski, we try to make up reasons why he is justified, even in monstrosity. Then the comments get into self hating folks. Well, I think most of us have a need to be one up. This is why 'solutions' in the complaining about the morals of other people's children genre are so popular. "Man', we say, 'if only those other people taught their children to not have sex/study/to get JAYSUS, we'd all be fine'. We don't have to do anything, since it's all the fault of those other people, with their terrible ways, and we get to feel great about ourselves! Anyway, I think that even though sometimes folks do say fuck you, I choose my choice! the critique that people internalize negative standards is still valid.

This is getting rambly, so hey, let's go and slap the author of a triggery fanfic in the face.

As usual, I have no idea what's going on, but mamitamala is writing from the heart about space, the commercialization of the blogosphere, and people trying to protect her without her best interest at heart.

My hair was first "relaxed" at 4, and stayed that way until I shaved my head at 17. I still remember the huge scabs relaxer gave my scalp.

said by spike on twitter.

I'm glad someone else got huge scabs on their scalp from relaxer. I always feel awkward when people say you should get a relaxer; be professional! And I'm thinking 'why would I waste hours and tons of money on that?" My hair hates the idea of straightness. It grows quickly, and when I relax it, it's a small layer of straightness over tons of new growth.

It seems now that a woman of color health clinic is now not serving anyone. Many women fear that there will be no help after the latest controversy.

Queen Emily posts the whole email exchange that started it all.

There's a rumor on the internet that some humanitarian workers, including a former congresswoman have been kidnapped on the way to Israel.

Porn affected by downturn.

People are stupid about the swine flu.

Man, I'm soo bummed. For example, I can't give an objective review of the Speak! CD. I mostly thought things like 'this is awesome' 'this should be given out to college students everywhere!' and 'I'm really sorry for being a dick to that one chick'. Which isn't very useful to you, is it? but my commute certainly was improved.

Blackamazon is great.

Happy SPEAK! members are promoting their cd. I bought one, why don't you?

Speak! CD ad.

While I was sleeping, did you know that girls of color are being raped every day and folks are totally justifying it? Also, I bet we got underage girls working in our strip clubs, which are full of prostitution.*

*We meaning Memphis.

...worst news story ever.


woah, that's messed up.

Community Agency creates low income housing for seniors.

It is to be noted that women of color do not owe you their blogs. their time, energy and writing is their own to be disposed of as they wish.

Woah, now this should probably be illegal.

Women of color and their citation or lack of in the academy.