A huge problem with being sexyfun as this great blog post calls it is that when they branch out beyond their right to be conventionally attractive, and sexually performative, they are going to get the same push back that the rest of us get. It's easy for patriarchal and so called liberal men to be supportive of their feminism when it's about laying back and getting a hummer, but when they hear demands for them to provide childcare, support poor women or hold other men accountable, they may not push back by calling our sexyfun pals hairy(although I think it's silly to base your feminism around fear of being called hairy. Most people in this world are 'hairy' by our beauty standards. Basically, they call us hairy or frigid or whatever not because we are those things, but because we'll shut up and run around trying to prove we're cute and sexually fun if they call us that), but they'll be considered shrill harpies as much as the nonsexyfun.

And contrasting oneself as not like those bad other women who refuse or are unable to take part in the patriarchal sexuality games doesn't seem to be very effective or very feminist, so watch it,folks!

We've all been deputized into the parenting police. Should she[it's always on a she] have had so many? Should she have waited? Should she have had some sooner? The list of ticketable offenses is long- too young, too black, too undocumented, too poor, too single.

So I don't really feel annoyed that after being told that their mothering, their babies are invading the United States, that if single black women just got married all problems in the black community would vanish like a dream, that their darn hellions are the downfall of the American empire, they would embrace mothering.

After dealing with all the judgment based on half overheard conversations in grocery stores, half forgotten news articles, and whatever the relative someone hates the most supposedly did, who could blame folks for saying fuck you, I'm a mother?

Motherhood has not always been seen as an apolitical state of preventing only one's own children from eating their own poop. In fact, the root of Mother's Day was for mothers to use their moral position for political power! Let's reclaim motherhood back for feminism*!

Stand up for mothers who have been told they are too poor, too disabled, too black, too brown, too asian to mother. Stand up against shackling mothers to beds, against the crime of ripping an infant from a woman who cries "I want my baby" night after night. Let's tear off our parenting police badges. Let's refuse to use them. Let's hold out our hands instead.
*with a small f.

Oh hell naw, I'm not forgiving Chris Brown. No excuses for violence. No, she hit him too shit [and notice that his face ain't battered. If one person is beat down and another is just fine- that shit ain't 'mutual abuse'.] We need to stop saying it's OK for a man to straight out punch a woman. Why? Because when we say "Oh, he's young! Oh, we can't blame him forever', a less famous, but no less violent guy will think that sort of behavior is OK.

And the violence in our cities and our homes will get worse and worse, and we'll wonder why.

I'm amused by the advice that this dateless man gets- hey! get a mail order bride! and the like, especially as the media is obsessed with bashing attractive successful black women for not being married. While there are millions of men[ok. maybe just thousands- really really loudly] complaining about how they are 'nice guys' and why won't women look at them, the media tends not to focus on how those guys' personal deficiencies keep them from finding love. BTW- In The Upside of Irrationality, it is said that men tend to aim higher, such as a plain man trying for a beauty who is well established in her career, and often that's a problem for these guys, I think.

Now, I'd sure like a rich ripped man who loves books and musical theater delivered to me with a million dollars. But, due to social conditioning, I have learned not to complain about this not occurring. I know that it's unlikely to occur without effort on my part, and really, I'm quite plain, so I may have to go with a love of books and musical theater, and leave the rich and ripped at the door. However, despite my plainness and OH NOES BLACKNESS, I'm not going to date a homeless alcoholic with no teeth, like the media seems to believe I should. [because give him a chance! I'm sure he's good inside!]

Now, with men, people tend to encourage their pretension that unattractive and broke 40 something men with no game can somehow have any woman he wants. When that ends up not being true- there's backlash. Women are blamed for being materialistic, and amusingly, foreign women are tossed up as the answer to this issue. "American women aren't family orientated like foreign women!" they say. The fact is that American women who would love nothing more than to raise children and cook exist, but not just any man will do. The whole mail order bride thing trades on desperation of poorer people to make a better life, but I am interested that no one suggests that black women start engaging in green card marriage.

The upshot of this ramble is when women can't get the guy they want, they are expected to blame themselves[or others will blame them for them-therefore all those black women are awful for getting educations and stuff mess] and if men can't get the women they want, they are encouraged to blame women[in the original letter Cary Tennis tries to break the pattern in his own strange strange way]. So either way, women are blamed. Even if the problem is the guy smells like feet.


LOLZ- and this is funny tooo.

Personally, I got no sympathy for dude who wonders why Miss Flash doesn't do X, Y, and Z. She's got a full time job being hot, probably a full time job working, and dude's like "why doesn't she cook?". If you want a woman who cooks, prioritize that. If you want a hot chick, that's your priority. She may or may not cook. You can't just expect "she's a woman- she'll fulfill my every need without me having to say anything.". Ask her! All women are different. We all have our own lives, so staying home and cooking for you might not be a priority. Especially for fun loving party girl women. Maybe fun is a priority for them.

Also, I think the sort of dude who just flounders- we let them be like that. Women have a lot more expectations on them. It's like with the boys who don't do well in school tip. Now, I have the disorganized,fidgety, etc, personality that would be associated with a male, but since I'm female, no one says "Oh, we can't expect women to sit in a seat and learn things!" where with men,people act like boys are congenitally unable to learn how to do well in school.

Women are expected to grow up faster, and we grow with those expectations.

Sistertoldya on feminism- personally I think it's sad that you gotta be a hetronormative girly girl to get a positive response to your feminism. What if she was scary,masculine...would that be too transgressive? Too frightening? Must be pushed to the margins to avoid scaring? Personally, they say they only like feminists if they are cute and submissive, but any actual feminism, no matter how much you shave and giggle, breaks that rule.


On the push to be ever optimistic, smiling and bubbly for teenage girls.

I think this suicide spike is due to the our busted employment system. Due to ageism, many can't get jobs- they become depressed, and that's all you wrote.

Market based solutions probably aren't very positive for most women. I'm sure the market is happy to discriminate against mothers, put harmful carcinogens in beauty products and ruin women's livelihoods by polluting everything, but that's not feminist.

I admit it- I'm a 'mean girl'. I think of course this insistance that feminists are 'mean girls' is a reinscribing of the narrative that women are mean and catty. I have to admit I am not an ever kind and giving person. I think feminism is an ideology. It is not synonymous with 'woman'. Just because someone is a woman doesn't mean that anyone should feel obligated to not consider their ideas on their merits. And Palin's hateful policies suck on their merits. Coopting feminism won't make her policies any better.

Who defines feminism? Personally, I don't think meaning should be Calvinball myself, but she does make good points. I don't have the personality to be super nonjudgmental and choose your own meaning like many feminists are today though. I also don't really trust Sarah Palin. There are many feminists I disagree with, but I have faith that they are making a good faith attempt to improve the lives of women. With Sarah Palin, I'm suspicious that she's trying to pull the sort of maneuver which has 'racism' and 'discrimination' meaning white people have to live with people of color existing and having rights and stuff. By draining feminism of meaning, can Sarah Palin break its power?

Eh, I won't be able to sell anything off of feminism, but if feminism's definition gets too wide, it'll stop meaning anything at all. I guess we could have extra labels like "Forced Birth Feminism", "I'm Just Here to Flash My Fanny Feminism", or "Rights for Adorable Children Feminism", but I still think Palin declaring herself a feminism is more of a publicity stunt than an actual movement. If a woman was the head of BP, and spoke against child care benefits, told everyone that rape victims were sluts and then caused a giant oil spill, I wouldn't believe her that she's a feminist either. I am a mean mamajammer, but I'm sure other people have different standards of what they are willing to call feminist or not feminist.

And problemchylde is deep.

On boobquake, brainquake, femquake, whatever, I say bah. I don't think feminism is really good if we focus only on self empowerment, as everyone can try to be 'the exception' without really changing the status quo. I want to lift everyone up, not just the few.

I think the vanity thing seems a bit blaming of those trapped within the prison of beauty.

Feminism, performance, and doubt.

Instead of being any help on the immigration tip, I am merely enjoying the quality of the writing about it.The bile returning to one's liver, the teabaggers bootstrapping themselves to their own private destinies! Good writing! Let no one say that us POC don't have amazing writers, and that's why we have David Brooks and George Will, with their limp, hateful sentences in our national magazines and newspapers.

Sick professor tries to hide the fact that he is a child abusing sex touristing asshole. It doesn't work.

On condoms as 'evidence' of sex work.

Time Wise's If the Tea Party Were Black...

What can doctors do about lactation failure?

This post about dirty pictures[personally I think some people would find this a bit triggering. I felt vaguely violated reading it] is pretty interesting. It's about how someone doesn't have to put a gun to your head to be coercive. People who are predators seem to be able to sniff out the person who wants to be accepted, and find a situation where they can maintain plausible deniability. They know that the perfect victim, doesn't exist. Every woman can be accused of something. And they use that knowledge to their advantage. They know they have so many defenders. But, I think every time we say "That's bullshit!", we diminish their power a little. Every time we say- no, that doesn't give you the right! Their power fades a little. not a lot, but a little.

BTW: Sick! This fashion photographer is way over the line!

The work of performing femininity is acknowledged by white feminist Amanda Marcotte. I bet she'll get a bunch of BUT IT'S SUUUUPER DUPER FUNSIES in response.

The work of performing femininity is very obvious to me because I am so very bad at it. It requires a sort of detail orientation that I am not good at and also fine motor coordination and the remembering of rules that make no sense whatsoever. And the rules are all different. Like old people think you should wear stockings, but stockings have various rules like what shoes and skirts you can wear them with, and they tear up, and then there's some other random rule about matching things, and anyway, it's all a confusing ball of weirdness that makes no sense. It's like the offsides rule or the infield fly rule, both of which I think probably exist. That's how arcane and absurd the rules are.

I am sadly not sold on the idea of hyper fun femininity to blow the old repressive femininity out of the water. I think that instead of folks saying "Yea, break out of those gender roles, baby", it'll be "Why aren't you like those good proper feminine women? They aren't angry harpies like you."[don't worry, the second those good feminine women open their mouths, they are evil harpies too]. But they'll be hurt by being used as sticks to beat the rest of us with.

Here's a nice article, ripped straight from the movies, implying that we women need to be desperate for a man. Really, if I was a man who was as much of a prize as folks say, worthy of marriage and long term committment, I wouldn't mind a woman who realizes that just breathing and not being an axe murderer isn't all that is required to be a husband, and possibly, a father. Folks are trying to stick a woman with anybody, and when it doesn't work out, because they simply weren't compatible, they complain she's a single mother.

I don't remember who said this, but someone said that folks want us women checked off- married, check, babies, check, without really thinking about say, whether the two people involved can really stand each other for years on end, or whether their living situations and preferences really mesh. People act like you should give a man you want to marry less scrutiny than a room mate. No, give him more scrutiny. He should be a man of integrity, decency, and a man with your same values. If you don't love him, don't marry him. If you don't like him, don't date him. If you don't want to screw him, don't hook up with him. Really, folks.

Adulthood hits fun feminists with a bang. The sadness of adulthood[a state of mind, not an age, although with age adulthood often follows] is realizing that you're not alone and special in society, but instead you're informed and changed by society. You start to realize that sadly, people are in fact, just looking at your ass, not your amazing feminist ideals, and that's not actually a compliment. The actual reason why fun feminism is so popular in commercial culture is because it doesn't actually require change. It's pretty similar to the reason why 'complaining about the family structure of other people' has become pretty much the only political activism we see here in the south, except for 'bitching about taxes'.

Of course, fun feminism is at least well meant, while acting like all social ills would be solved if only those single mothers would get married corrodes society by blaming women who didn't do anything wrong, and isn't helpful at all, because the single mothers aren't married for perfectly good reasons[child's father is an ass, abusive, etc]. And bitching about taxes drains money from common goods, which makes every thing worse for everybody, except for a few.

These folks mean well, but the awareness model isn't going to push this crap back. Partying against sex trafficking is like playing video games against sex trafficking fun and all, but unless we attack the poverty, lack of options and the idea that women's bodies are worthless playgrounds for the sexual appetites of people who need to be ashamed of themselves, nothing will change.

While extremely thin women might not be 'sexy', I think that the issue isn't how 'sexy' they are or aren't, it's that the judges judged unfairly based on prevailing standards, which are unrealistic for 99% of women.

Whether men think bigger women are 'hot' is also of no concern either- judging women on their fuckibility is stupid, I say.

Here's a long considered post about why Lifestyle Activism is stupid. I'm going to riff off of it, as I usually do. Personally, I think that declaring that the stuff we are already doing is 'activism' or 'feminism'[a HUGE pet peeve of mine, as you can tell.] is just spinning our wheels. We can pretty much retcon any thing we already do into being activism. I like playing video games and reading shoujo manga. I COULD say that me playing Persona 4 is lifestyle activism because there's storylines about gender roles, and anyway, GIRL GAMER!!!!! but come on, I'm not fooling ANYONE.

I think this sort of navel gazing is pretty comfortable for those in power. I mean, me going on about how freecycle is so much fun, brings together the community, and helps clean house is NOT going to break down the capitalist system that has people hoping someone will take pity on them and give them some food.

And yea, western style liberal feminism did start with consciousness raising, but I get the feeling it wasn't about how much they loved mopping the floor, and how great those new dresses at Marshall Fields are. If they were, I'm sure it would have been a whole lot less threatening to the status quo. Sadly, the backlash is so pronounced that feminism nowadays is reduced to the modern day equivalent of saying we love to mop the floor.

Dear the internet, I am not pleased with military women being forced to risk their health because of stupid politics. That reminds me of this Quiverfull book I am reading, in which some poor lady had to write out that her being raped while in the military was not her somehow cheating on her husband, because of some unusual church rules. Personally, I don't agree with the Quiverfull lifestyle. Yes, I disagree with some aspects of other people's lifestyles and behaviors, especially as my temperament says BUT WHAT IF YOUR HUSBAND IS AN ABUSIVE FUCK WHO IS ATTRACTED TO PATRIARCHY BECAUSE HE GETS RESPECT JUST FOR HAVING A PENIS, AND YOU HAVE TO RUN OFF, AND YOU'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN ALLOWED TO GO TO CHRISTIAN COLLEGE?! The worst case scenario, that's me! I'm sure they are all changing their lives to elicit my worldly approval.

In other news, our economic system is really inefficient. I hear 45% of Detriot's workforce is un or underemployed. We talk about how we're such a rich and powerful nation, but I can't believe that we can't get more people into good paying and decent jobs. I think a lot of the un or under employed have valuable skills we could be using, but we're so tied up with a system that throws thousands out of work if the stock price drops one cent, we can't use them.

White feminists are discussing the sex lives of beauty queens. While personally, I don't like the word 'prudery' here- as it's usually used as a slam towards women who have their own sexual boundaries, I do agree with the bit about how female genitalia is considered unclean. A wing wong is considered lovable[unless it's attached to a woman- then it's OMG, A TRAP!!] unconditionally, but a vagina? They gotta be hairless, the labia has to look like this, and of course, there should be no stretch marks on the body around it...HEY, HOW COME I NEVER GET LAID?!

And in this PORN IN PUBLIC article, I get the vibe that we're supposed to be like that lady who is like ha! man! I love being exposed to porn in public! It's a dominance display in my mind. Look! I can expose you to my sexual fetishes and you can't do anything about it! Yea, and I can expose you, and your kids to my erect wing wong! I got a wing wong- gotta love it!

If you watch porn in the library, you need to be smacked, imo.

New study shows that serial rapists, who make up a large portion of rapes, deserve a foot in the face.