Man, I saw a woman wearing the sort of flared dress I want on BET. (Never fear, my brain isn't melting, I just glanced for a second) Hopefully this will be the new style so I can get them at a cheap clothing store. My mother may ask where I'd wear it, but seriously, some days I can't get out of bed if I don't have a nice fancy outfit to bribe myself with.

Of course, I should feel bad that I don't have any original fashion impulses, but at least I notice that I am terribly dull and unoriginal.

I like the idea of calling conservatives utopian anarchists. Also, these people have a picture of a real woman naked. Wooo! I'm too lazy to write, why do I suck?

Man, am I glad I don't shop at Abercrombie and Fitch! While not as socially on top of things as I should be, at least I know that outright discrimination is wrong. Some people will try to make up elaborate rationalizations to say that maybe it's just a coincidence or that all these people are just making it up to get money. Some will listen, and keep their mouths shut.

However, I think that's silly. If folks are fucking you over, being silent won't help anything. The people being asses won't see your silence and say "Look at Bob being so compliant with our white is right philosophy! He's our special minority now- to the counter with him!"

That won't happen. Not to mention, just not opposing this philosophy isn't enough to eliminate it. Just ignoring the existence of racial differences isn't going to make bias disappear. Everyone lacks balls nowadays. Oh, we don't want to confront racial differences or the existence of gays-let's just say all the other races are just lying or try to ban gays from ever having equal rights, that'll fix the problem!

No, it won't. We need to collectively stop being pussies and get in there and start kicking ass.

I don't know how I feel about retro. On one hand, I hope that the stores start selling dresses with nice full circular skirts, even for small sized women since I can never find anything in my size, seriously. I don't want to look like a skanky 13 year old, I want to look like a very short adult, thank you. I've seen a few of these in stores, but only stores where all the dresses cost more than $50, or stores that only stock from size 6- I guess if you're under, you have to dress like a fucking whore,eh? But, isn't it time for something new?

A whole new aesthetic would be nice. Romantic has played out, hoochie has played out, dressing like your mother, father or grandparents has played out. It's supposedly a new beginning, but fashion is so dull these days, even with my clothes mania. I guess the good fashion hasn't yet difused down to my level, but still..

There's always room for art.

It seems that Viz has that yummy Azumanga manga. Also Nerve.com gets to the bottom of the bias against bis. It seems silly to me to expect everyone to only like one sex. I mean, if you've accepted that some people like girls, and some like guys, how much of a stretch can it be to think that some people like both. It seems that human variety is infinitely flexible, but the human perception of that variety can be pretty narrow.

I finally drew something in perspective yesterday. All my life I have struggled with perspective- I simply couldn't do it. Everything I drew was curiously flat. Now at least I've done it once, and might even do it again. I love to draw, but I can't draw at all.

Drawing out of my imagination is even worse since I tend to need a model of some sort to draw anything that looks halfway like it's supposed to look. It's good to have had made some progress this summer.

Although, learning how to twist my hair up is an improvement, too. While I twist it using two strands, it ends up looking like bantu knots. Here's a good article on natural hair with a focus on FAMU.

My new wallpaper, and a quote. "Join me in the hope that this story of our people can help to alleviate the legacies of the fact that preponderantly the histories have been written by the winners" - Alex Haley, Roots. I saw this quote in the front of Drinking Coffee Elsewhere. I'll have more about this when I finish, but it seems to me that Packer's stories help alleviate this fact greatly. They don't shy away from such problems as the reflexive racism of children, the filth that sometimes infests a church that is supposed to be clean, and just the real lives of people in general.

A warm and fuzzy view of the Iraq war. Happy July 4th! However, I am pretty annoyed at my lack of fabric cutting skills. I'd like a headband, but one that is cut straight. Although, when I was a child, and took the assessment for kindergarten, I couldn't cut paper, although I could read the instructions. However, I don't seem to be able to get anything straight.

When I draw, my lines are never straight or clean, the way that some people can make them. When I write, my letters are always chickenscracth, and noone can read them. Even with much practice, my hands are never steady. I think my hands have gotten even more unsteady. I used to draw with a very thick line, pressing down very hard, but now I draw more sketch like, with lots of little lines. Both are terrible ways to draw, though. It seems annoying to not have any hidden talents or anything, or any dazzling people skills.

Being a regular jane without the benefit of the average person's charm seems like a big impediment to my future. I'd like to not live in a cardboard box, but it seems that I'll end up that way.

I like the song Humpty Dumpty by Aimee Mann, because it actually tells the truth. This woman is broken beyond repair, and nothing this guy can do can fix it. Most of the time, we don't get the truth. In the movies, the crippled always walk by a miracle, the single always get love, the mentally ill always get well. Even if that doesn't happen, some whole individual gets some valuable lesson from their pain.

But in reality, it doesn't work like that, no matter how much we'd like to pretend it does. People's minds, bodies, and souls can be broken beyond repair. Sometimes people get here broken, sometimes they just break, but people end up broken all the time. We try to pretend it doesn't happen. We hide the dying in hospitals, not acknowledging that they exist, we don't build enough places for the mentally ill to live-the institution is full, the group home is full, and the families don't want to be reminded of the fact that someone is crazy, that they are broken beyond repair. We give the people whose souls are broken platitudes, and blame them, because we simply can't deal with the idea that people can be broken.

I'm sure some people have the bravery to face this. I'm sure that someone that people listen to will alert everyone else someday. However, those are probably foolish hopes. Noone wants to give up their safe bubble in which only reality TV and fucking matters. Maybe the only people who know that people can be broken are the ones that noone will listen to, because the mere knowledge of this taints them in the eyes of others in some way. I don't know. I'd just like people to acknowledge this, and to face it bravely.

Some musing about the war, by someone who has actually seen war.

Here is an article about the troops in Iraq, and the problems that they face. An interesting point at the end- some soldiers think that Saddam caused 9/11, when no Iraqis were involved.

I'm finishing up my essay, and man, am I tired. I'm not one of those people who can work all day, and then work extra at night, and still be chipper. However, I'm doing my best to get a little scholarship, even if I'm not bringing down mad cash. First semester of freshman year, my finances would have been doomed except for a well timed check for $250. Most people's parents give them money when they go off to college, but mine expect me to work with the amount of money I already have. It's not like it is hard, since I have a meal plan and student housing, and work study, but I take pride in not blowing all my cash like many people do. I am pretty aware that I am not a golden child, and am not going to be pulling in six figures, so it makes sense for someone like me to learn how to keep their cash in order. If you wanted a point, you're not going to get one, but remember, it's not how much money you make, it's how much you keep.

More manga goodness! There always seems to be many many more comics coming out than I can buy. I want more Mars on the manga front, but I can't stop being too cheap to buy them. Same with Watchmen or more Sandman. I'm too worried about being broke to buy anything, even though I know I'm going to get my check at the end of this week or next week.

Random Shit I've seen

A liquor store sign "The wait is over! Weapons of mass distraction are here!"

I saw a Darwin fish on someone's bumper. This is in Memphis, so this is strange.

A girl who interns in the mental health institute with me today wore a shirt that said 'are you crazy?'

My dog seems to have a hole in his fur through which you can see his skin. I noticed this when trying to draw him.

A few years ago, I saw roses blooming in November. They were beautiful.

Both lovely and terrible.

I watched an old Audrey Hepburn movie today. I really like old movies. You get the illusion that the movie was made just to be a movie, not a vehicle for product placement, commercials and soundtracks. I'm sure there were plenty of movie stars hawking this or that product, but since I don't see it, I still have the illusion that it's there to tell a story.

It's the same with anime. Overseas, they make mad cash on the merchandising, but since I don't see Oh My Goddess toys at the Happy Meal window, I can ignore that. I don't know why blatant merchandising annoys me, truthfully. I think it is because it sometimes detracts from the story. For example, if in a beautiful scene, some schmaltzy rap song cuts in just to they can put that song on the soundtrack and sell to the masses, that detracts from the movie.

I know I want quality entertainment and that doesn't come for free, but you can do a great movie on less than a million. (a lot of money for the regular Joe, but nothing for a movie studio) and really entertain without putting in all this other junk. Although I submit I am grossly ignorant of the movie making process. Just another random gal passing through, I guess.

Dude! It seems that Neil Gaiman will be working in comics again. It will also be interesting to see Dr. Strange get a good outing again. Dr. Strange has been one of my favorites since I found an early collection of some Ditko stories laying around. (Probably belonged to my father) The Dr. Strange essential has been on my 'to buy' list for a long time, too. I really like the idea of a magician, fighting all sorts of evil.

It is really too bad that people continue to blame suicide on online groups instead of being the hard work and figuring out why these people were suicidal in the first place. People seek out ways to commit suicide when they are suicidal, they don't become suicidal because people told them it was cool. Some people may say that the mindset convinced them that were wavering on the edge to plunge over.

A problem with that is that you don't know what will cause that last straw, it can be your platitude about how they are terrible people for being depressed for all you know. I am aware that it is easier to blame and that grief's hard work and people tend not to be at their best during the grieving process. However, I hope that noone should have to die in vain. Just blaming removes our opportunity to change something to make suicide less prevalent. There could be more support, less stigma around depression, but instead we will get maybe a few more laws that don't do anything to help, and everyone will go back to their complacency.

There seems to be nothing that isn't sold back to us nowadays. Pepsi trumpets 'being you' and champion (I don't know the name of this company, it's an underwear company) has a commercial about being a champion in your own eyes. It sort of undermines the whole message since you know you are just being manipulated into buying stuff.

There's no real rebellion nowadays-nothing that really comes from the heart-just stuff that is bought and sold. Some people say "well, there's p2p, we're so rebellious!", however, that's not rebellion-people are still downloading the same old crap, the same old dull ideas just for free, instead of paying for it.

Even I don't have any original ideas. All of this spiel has not been terribly original, nor has it been presented in a new revolutionary way. Then again, it is not like anyone reads this, so I can entertain myself anytime I like.

Canada is cool.

I really like Billy Joel's song 'The Stranger', because it seems to me to be about the hidden part of people that they refuse to acknowledge. That socially unacceptable part of yourself that you never show. For example, I really enjoy being taught African songs and dances. I know it's not socially acceptable to like something that hasn't been sold back to you, but it's lots of fun since it's very energetic and I have a craving for things that come from some place else than from the marketing guy's demographic sheet.

I'm rambling today, but that seems to me a problem with some people. Some people think that they are revolutionizing the world by downloading music, but the truth is that music companies won't lower prices, they won't suddenly decide to give it all away for free and they'll probably not take risks on good music. The problem here is that they are trying to change the world, but they are still holding on to that old 'the stuff you buy is your identity' worldview, in which buying a certain CD buys you entrance (even if it's just as a loser on the bottom) into affecting yourself as belonging to a subculture.


I'm not totally free of that, but I am pretty aware that we need to gain some values, and not the values that mean depriving others of rights and trying to strive towards a golden past that never existed. We should probably work to develop ourselves, instead of just blandly consuming what is out there to consume, all pre packaged and neat, but we won't, so why I am writing this long rambling thing is unclear.

I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
Dorothy Parker, Here Lies (1939), "The Little Hours"

I'm really tired and lazy lately. I need some real motivation here, but it wanes every day for me. I simply lack the energy to do anything I want to do. My best hours are spent at work and when I come home, I don't have to do anything but lay down, vegetate and sleep. Why am I so lazy?

And in manga news, this page has surfaced leading to juicy rumors about Tokyopop and the Fruits Basket series. I hope Tokyopop keeps it up. Both comics and manga seem full of good stuff lately, and it only seems to be getting better.

Here is a nifty rhetorical trick to recognize, for easy countering. A common bigot's trick is to give a criteria that has nothing to do with the right or privilege that they want to withhold from group A, but that (this is the trick) categorically excludes group A. Then they try to say that this is somehow integral to the right or privilege which means group A can't have it, but the real point is just to exclude.

Here is an example from history. A long time ago, there were laws called Jim Crow laws. An example of this sort of law was the grandfather clause. You could vote if your grandfather could vote. However, no blacks could vote because their grandfathers had been slaves, and slaves couldn't vote.

So when you see this sort of reasoning, point it out. I hope I have helped.

Today we have whiteness studies classes. While most classes such as history or art are about mostly whites, this class seems to deconstruct what it means to be white, instead of just being about being white in an unconscious way. Should be required for graduation, in my opinion. Also, some common myths about Affrimative Action, what you need to know before shooting off your mouth.

And yet again people are stupid. Don't buy a pet just because it looked cute in a movie. If you're not going to take care of it, don't buy it. And actually do research, don't just impulse buy a living thing, you total and complete asshats. Clownfish are saltwater fish, not freshwater, but I'm sure most of these people buying them will just think this fish can thrive in a goldfish bowl. Not to mention the danger to the environment posed by taking animals out of the wild just so they can go belly up in a tank.

Still crazy and sick, but you should all read A Child's Life. I am strangely fascinated by Phoebe Glockner, which is very strange, yet I guess even older teens can still have the strange fixtations of adolescence.

Too pissy to blog, so rate someone else's.

Also, it seems to be a shocker that a third of Americans know how to wipe their own behinds without instructions, let alone vote for the leader of the free world, although they probably don't vote since they haven't figured out what a 'president' is. Here is the story.

I just had a there are kids starving in Africa moment! Here's the story. I go to a summer program, in which participants gain teaching in science related subjects such as anatomy and chemistry, a $2000 stipend, and an internship. On Friday, people who were interning at Lebonheur(a children's hospital) were to go and get their shots so they could work there. This one girl who wasn't going there wanted to walk with them, but the medical student who was supervising said only that Lebonheur students could go there.

So instead of complying, she decided to grumble and cuss. I'm surprised at that sort of behavior. You can't just let people walk around the city without anyone knowing where they are. Does this girl know how expensive it is to be sued, and if the medical school got sued over this program that they probably wouldn't have it again? One selfish person could ruin it for everyone.

Not to mention that if you accept their money, you accept their rules. I know some people who would love to have that money and that internship on their resume for doing little more(up to now, we start internships tomorrow) than looking reasonably alert when someone tells us about some subject and looking like we are taking notes. It would take ten weeks of full time work at $5.15 (the minimum wage) to get two thousand dollars if we lived in a magical tax free world. Ten weeks of hard labor, and they are giving it to us for eight weeks of work.

Not to mention, in some parts of the world, two thousand is more than you could get in ten years if you worked all year. I'm not a real activist about that sort of thing- I like my cushy little American bubble too much for good taste, but at least I'm aware that I am spoiled as heck. I think that surviving college on a thousand bucks (although with the supplement of work study, and a two hundred and fifty scholarship check) is a big achievement. However, I am pretty aware that I am not doing badly.

I love my whining, but come on. I've seen this sort of behavior before too. I went to France once, and on the last day, they decided to have a drunken party(at 16!) and then complain when the teacher took away their bottle of wine. Like an authority figure who has a job to do is really going to let them act wild and crazy. Not to mention, these same people spent the whole time bitching about the food. I don't get how people go to a foreign country and then think they aren't supposed to eat any of the country's food. If you wanted to stay at home, stay at home. I saw some more of that bad behavior today. The director of the program decided to take us to an Ethiopian restaurant, and paid for us all to eat.

However, some people just had to bitch about it not being MiccyDs. This guy is paying for us to have an experience together, and people just bitching and being so ungrateful. The food wasn't that bad. That hot chickenish stuff they can keep, but the legumes(tasted like potato salad) and those greens were pretty yummy. But people really need to learn some values. I know I'm not the best person in the world, but I try not to be so much of a bitch. Come on, show some manners.

My marketing demographic has been the same since late adolescence- I'm in the sensitive college kid demographic. Sensitive college kids are just beginning to enjoy the more high brow things in life through baby steps. Maybe the things that seem deep now will seem shallow as ever when experience sets in, but it doesn't hurt to try.

My personality lends it self more to that than the teen/frat boy demographic since I'm low energy and like the more relaxed things in life. For example, I wouldn't be caught dead in the club because that's the territory of high energy hot extroverts who like to dance. I want to relax and just be comfortable.

Dang, they gave Spike Lee the injunction. I love Spike Lee- Do the Right Thing was great, for example, but there are a lot of other things, places and people named Spike out there. He's ruining his good name with such foolery, especially after resting on his laurels so long- although I submit that I haven't seen the 25th Hour.That sucks, because many other black films just plain suck.


I know they are going for the mass audience, which likes feel good tales about attractive people and their easily resolved problems, but I'd like more meat to my stories, and I don't mean sappy Oprah flicks like Antoine Fischer. Just because it's not all sugar and pie doesn't mean we have to get bogged down in bathos.

A lot of good fun today, as a company expresses interest in getting Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared out on DVD. It's good to see quality getting a new life on DVD, since I don't really like to watch TV. It's only on at the time they want it to be on, and I want to be entertained whenever, which is why DVD is more convenient for me. Whenever I get in the mood, I can just pop it in.

Also, on DVD, a good show can be archived years after its cancellation. For example, My So Called Life is one of the best example for future TV writers on how to write a minority character. They didn't pretend Ricky was just a white guy in a different skin color, yet he didn't go around saying "Look at me, I'm a wacky minority here to spice up your life". Ricky's story was treated with the same dignity and respect as the story of all the other characters, which is really hard to do with today's social climate, let alone how TV studios are.

Also, a blog details the funny things people say on amazon reader reviews. It's lots of fun when the whole nation gets together to type their poorly written and edited opinion. Of course, you could say that about blogs too, but since I'm doing it, it's cool.

I watched episodes six and seven of Rose of Versailles today, and it was great fun. By exploiting the inherent drama of the story of Marie Antoinette, and keeping the story moving while still dishing up conspiracies fed by the queen's own mistakes, ROV really keeps from falling into a rut.

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Gary Groth is a bit too honest about his shortcomings as a business man. While honesty may be admired in theory, most people want simple stories about the little guy wronged, not complex stories with the fault being shared and ambiguities in the story. Although, I think it is pretty cool that he is so honest, if anyone wanted to be a comics entrepreneur, they could at least take the lessons of Fantagraphic's hard times to heart.

Also, there are some funny people who have come to Fanta's aid, and also more about Team Comix.

Too tired to blog, but here's some nice comics.

I am offering Chance Pop Session one and Saint Tail Volume one for sale. I'll take the best offer. In other news, I am late, but still glad that Fanta is saved, and also, chilling Japanese suicide pacts.

Man, people should know better nowadays. Animejunkie needs to get off of its high horse. There wouldn't be anything to sub if companies didn't produce anime(Urban Vision coproduced it, it's their stuff!) If you're just a parasite, don't think you're the whole show. Digisubbers, you're just a stop gap til we can get real DVDs into the marketplace.I know it's fashionable to act like all this stuff you're ripping off just magically regenerates, but it's not like that. Anime is a bit harder to defend because it's not a one person in the basement with their banjo affair. It takes time, talent, energy and money, not just a Japanese dictionary and a bad attitude.

And on a lighter note, animenewsnetwork shows us how to review an anime. Instead of merely saying "This was crap, only diehards need apply". It tells us why the reviewer didn't like it, and gives examples. If anime fans want to make their fandom seem less like the providence of little boys and more of a mature fandom, they need to learn how to express themselves. It's so funni!!!! may be well and good for a 12 year old, but by the time you're pushing 14, you better be able to at least express your self in complete sentences, and try to use mostly correct grammar. Also, remind yourself of why you review- it's because people won't go into purchases blind, right? However, being vague doesn't help because most anime is cute, and funny is different for everyone.

I hate strapless bras. They won't stay on, even if you get the tiniest type and hook the last hook so it's super tight. I guess they are designed for women with actual breasts, but my nipples still show. I wonder if I should just buy nipple tape, if I can find any. Band-Aids really aren't very comfortable.

Sorry for blogging so much lately, but really, Fanta is having some huge blowout sales to get rid of that overstock. I have dibs on Ethel and Ernest!

Some nice hard facts about racism. I might disagree on what he says about ability tracking, but it's a good summary of indicators of discrimination.

Being colorblind is not the act of ignoring race. It is the act of knowing the difference and treating everyone respectfully all the same. If you ignore race, you can't do the work required to try to understand others. You don't have the power to control your perception, you are at the mercy of others. However, if you step up to the plate and try to learn and understand, you have the power to change things. Someone said that the antonym of forgetting is not remembering, but justice.

You can not erase the past, but you can try to understand the past in an attempt to create a better future. Also, here is some interesting modern art. Everyone listen to the audio for white chair. As long as you are willing to be educated, there is hope. When you only want to listen to your own voice, well, you're fucked.

Here is an article on magical negroes. Some people may be complaining- they made us have black characters in movies, and now they want them to have actual character traits beyond one or two? Oh the horror! The problem about diversity in films is that it has to not just be for the sake of putting in a black, you have to give him a life, a family, a community. No man is an island. There are no randomly black kids flown in from Mars apparently, as they are the only black people in the movie. Yes, it would take work, research and thought to craft minority characterizations that are as fleshed out and compelling as the whites' characterizations, but I think the top writers in Hollywood are able to think on that deeper level, even if they don't want to.

Another race based site is bigbadchinesemama.com. I like this site because it comes at the problem head on. It doesn't dance around it with fancy phrases, it says "I'm not your little flower toy, so fuck off!"

Yay, killing the hooker (by Lea Hernandez) is going to be free all summer!

I just got Life of the Party, and really enjoyed it. It's full of those anecdotes that sound great in books, but you know that if it really happened to you, it wouldn't be very funny. For example, in one story Mary gets really messed up, and ends up wearing someone else's panties (among other interesting experiences). I especially like the art. It's half way between cartoonish and realistic with a bit of cubism thrown in for fun.

If this article is to be believed, the various Archie titles sell 800,000 to 900,000 per month. Comics fans say kids don't read comics, but I guess Archie isn't on their radar. Good simple stories that are sold everywhere seem to sell. I wonder if we can gain a lesson from this.

This is belated, but if you really want to support our troops, you need to do it by not trashing our country. Don't let Ashcroft expand the Patriot Act, don't let people talk big about programs and not fund them, and above all, don't let an election go by without your educated vote. Don't tell me you don't have time, you certainly have the time to be watching American Idol or whatever reality TV show is on- getting your news from someone besides Fox News or actually, just TV in general, doesn't take that long.

TV tends to flatten out the issues. Huge moral questions that are full of complexity are reduced to simple melodrama. While that gives them great ratings, it's not so good for people who actually need information to make decisions. There might be the occasional smart TV show, but you shouldn't rely on the TV for your information. Also, it's best to check more than one source. I'm not saying read ten newspapers a day, but if one day you listen to NPR, one day you watch Fox news, one day you read the local newspaper, one day you read the BBC's website, you get a more rounded picture of the world away from any liberal or conservative bias there may be.

And pick up a book people.You can still get more depth into the issue, because they have the whole length of the book to get into all the complexity and ambiguity. Pop in a book on tape during the commute to work. Education doesn't stop with what they make you read in school, you should be trying to learn something everyday.

Don't worry about your cool level or worry about stereotypes of book smart people without 'common sense'- if you had common sense in the first place, it's not going to disappear because you picked up a book, and if you didn't, at least book smarts will give you some advantage.

Today was a good day. I managed to fit in a little power walk around the pond. In other news, Fanta is rapidly gaining on its goal, and here's a funny quote from Newsweek's perspectives section. "Spitting on the ground is dangerous to your health, and spit contains infectious diseases. But with one small bag in your hands, your health will always be invincible" printed on white spit bags handed out in China.

I wonder if spitting in public will become a new national taboo in China. If that happens, maybe a hundred years from now, the idea of spitting on the street would be as unthinkable as the idea of sleeping with your grandma is to Americans.

I just watched a very good documentary on gay adoption on PBS. It didn't gloss over the problems-the desire of some of the children for mothers, the lack of child friendly places in say, the Castro, and adopting cross racially. On that specific issue, I am amazed at the maturity of the film on this. It acknowledged that yes, love isn't going to erase hundreds of years of prejudice, but still has a hopeful tone that maybe things can be worked out.

The smaller ambiguities and troubles were also well presented. I never have thought of the trouble that a guy who has grown up lip synching to Judy Garland would have raising a jock, or the worries they might have if he took to women's shoes, but both issues were raised without being smarmy. I don't watch much TV, so I am surprised when I find something that embraces complexity.

Most Americans live in a simple world it seems. Either this is right or it isn't. We have a two party system which tends to divide us right down the middle, and the dominant philosophies nowadays don't leave much room for ambiguity. So TV also carries that attitude.

It's either the whiny liberal Democrats with their special pork barrel programs or the greedy Republicans that are about to put us all out of doors after they cause world war three. Moderates don't get much airplay. I guess ratings aren't as high for moderates, and the media is a business, but that's pretty crazy.

These new FCC guidelines are a bit worrying to me, because I don't want to live in a country where all news is filtered through one company, instead of the two or three now.

Bookslut has a new issue out, with reviews of Krazy Kat and my hero of the day AR Ammons.

Good Fanta news- they are two thirds to their goal of $80,000! Come on folks, there are plenty of comics where that came from!

Today, I made a discovery. I didn't know that the UT medical center had its own candy. It tastes like orange and cream, and is really good.

It's time for the June issue of Sequential Tart! I always would like to hear more from Jill Thompson, so this month's interview is pretty welcome.

Beautiful drawings, but I have never seen her comic work. Maybe I will someday.

This is a very interesting website on strippers viewed in a feminist light. I don't know what I think about strippers. I've only seen one once, stepping out of a private party in the dorms, and what surprised me most about her was her size. In my mental image of strippers, I pictured girls that were all at least five feet four inches, but this girl was five feet tall. While this is probably a silly thing to be shocked at for more worldly people, I was certainly surprised.

I at least know I couldn't be a stripper. It seems like you'd have to at least not fall off of the stage, and well, that's not my forte. I have a saying- I can do anything just as long as it doesn't have to be done quickly or well. Well, you certainly can't have a niche of 'falling off the stage' fetishes, so I don't think I'd last long.

My wallpaper is an Altoids commerical. I wonder if this means I suck. Then again, I like the idea of gothiness. I wouldn't like to actually be a goth, because then I'd have to fit into a dying subculture, but I like the lack of the bright and sunny ideal. I can be bright and sunny on occasion, but don't expect enthusiastic smiles from me when everything's just ok.

Today I bought Life of the Party, and worried about ankle injury. I was going to get Berlin as well, but I was short on cash, so decided to get what would be hardest to get if Fantagraphics went out of buisness, although I really wish I could have gotten Dori Stories, too. Through the anthology Twisted Sisters, I really got to know some female cartoonists work that I otherwise wouldn't have been able to see. While men write very compelling stories, I'm always interested in what the girls are doing, a tendancy that probably dates back to my old Archie obsession. Archie was ok, and Jughead was funny, but my favorites were always Betty and Veronica, best friends forever, and worst enemies for a lifetime. I also in those prepubscent days loved how Betty and Veronica were drawn- it was sexy before I knew what sexy was, and those fashions didn't hurt at all.

Maybe I should buy comics in themes. Like this month is Fantagraphics month- I want Berlin and Life of the Party. Maybe next month will be black comics month. Maybe I'll get Sugar Kat or Days Like This. While it's all well and good to not care about the racial composition of comic books, I want to start supporting a world where blackness is more positive, and it certainly can't be done with me sitting on my duff saying this and that, but never doing anything. Although I'm more of a sayer than a doer, since people are such harsh judges, even if they haven't done anything

Today I walked for an entire hour. It seemed like the entire neighborhood was out, fishing or just sitting in the sun. I just walked past the teen boys talking about fort construction, their fishing poles forgotten, and the little kids who were displaying their fishing prowess to their father. I was nearly ran over by a young mom, pushing a three wheeled baby buggy in front of her, while her children asked her about clouds. Summer�s always the easiest time to walk- people are out in the sun, flowers are blooming, it is freaking hot� but when winter comes, most people prefer the treadmills inside, which is a bit of a problem for the terminally clumsy and un-athletic who fear going to the gym. Yes, they exist, everyone. I know, I�m one of them. To me, nothing is more frightening than going someplace where they don�t appreciate a little healthy variation. It�s like being in the 50s, and being a black commie at the same time. (and yes, the analogy doesn�t match up perfectly.)

A bit of a followup about Fantagraphics, with actual pictures of the president and vice president, who look nothing like I thought they did. (see this for details.)

Much better. The link is to (supposedly) Jame Joyce's dirty love letters, so there is explicit content.

A sad quote from a BBC article - 'All opinion polls show most Americans are unconcerned about the failure so far to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq'. I am feeling substantial loss of faith in humanity today. I wish there was some way I could reafrim my faith in humanity. I don't mean in that sappy 'inspirational' way, I mean in a way that actually means something. It's all well and good to regurgitate cliches, but quite another to get to the real heart of the matter.

Opps! Maybe Fantagraphic's distributor was 7 Hills, not LPC!

Now Clinton has gone plum crazy. Without term limits, it's too easy for the public to elect the same guy over and over again. With our current system, no matter how much one president screws up, at least the next president can attempt to remedy the damage, but under this system, we'd probably be stuck with some neo conservative president that keeps us back instead of moving us forward. I'm not saying we couldn't have a string of neoconservatives, but at least they'd have different approaches to the same problems. The no consecutive terms is the only good part, but I can just see the same two guys switching off, while I'm not the black helicopters type, I can see how alliances could be made.

Some more coverage on the Fantagraphics story. Gary Groth on the money problems. I always thought that Gary Groth would look like the chubby small comics magazine writer from Box Office Poison, and that Kim Thompson would look like the skinny one with a receding hair line, but long hair all the same. However, I have not ever seen pictures of them, and plus, it's pretty childish of me to speculate on what the publishers look like when they are in need. But it's so fun anyway.

More fallout from LPC's bankruptcy. Fantagraphics (an indie comic publisher- i.e. not capes and tights) is in trouble now. Over the last year or so, Top Shelf AND Drawn and Quarterly have had financial problems due to this bankruptcy. Well, since I was going to buy something anyway, just couldn't decide, I might just stock up on Love and Rockets.

I love the new boyshort trend that is happening now. Last year, I was idly wishing for tap pants, and wondering how I could get some, now they are freaking everywhere. The closet substitute were unsexy boxer shorts, which were comfortable, but weren�t cute enough. My mother wondered why I got three pair- because it�s like �breast slings� (not exactly a sports bra, lets your breasts be supported yet feels so comfortable, maybe they are called bralets.), the trend may not last, and as it is underpants, it doesn�t matter if it is out of style, and I can have cute panties in perfect comfort for years. Oh, and in other news, the US gov't has plum lost its mind.

Today, I watched Far From Heaven, which was a pretty pleasant movie.
It got in there, made its point, showed its story, with a minimum
of melodrama or why can't we all be friends grandstanding. Julianne
Moore really portrays a naive housewife, really well. Although,
I did not like the music; it isn't really a melodramatic movie
so why does it need melodramatic music?

Yesterday, I watched Moulin Rouge and High Fidelity. Moulin Rouge was very hyperactive, with tons of dazzling costumes and wink and a nudge pop songs. It was very fun, a total spectacle.

High Fidelity was also good. It's such a nice record of a turning in someone's life, a realization. It seemed very real, like it was someone's personal story instead of some pap cliche. Also, it had a good soundtrack.

Today I made a great eggplant pasta. There's nothing better than the smell of sauteing eggplant and mushroom. I may have put in a bit too much red pepper, but that wasn't too bad. Now, a page of good contemporary and retro pinups!I love pinups. I don't know, there's something about the unabashed objectification of women that appeals to me. They have a great sense of fun to them also.

Here is a cute story about terrorists. It's so sweet! Too bad terrorism can't be stopped with love more often.

This is a very interesting essay. I would like to play with form without substance. I would like my clothing to be costumes for what I'd like to be today, but I know that others look down on form without substance- if you look like a hippy, be one, if you look like a trendi girl, be one, if you look like a goth, be one. Maybe that is truly form without substance- as if you can't change your look without changing who you are. Then again, I have noone to be, so why not change it?

Today, I finally watched the 5th episode of Rose of Versailles, a classic 70s anime series about a fictional guard of Marie Antoinette. It is full of the lovely court drama you'd expect such a show to be about, and directed in such a grand style. It is so sad that nowadays anime fans are more focused on the boobies than fine shows like this, but what are you going to say? This show is the precursor to such shows as Brother, Dear, Brother(Onii-sama E) and Utena.

And now for medical horror stories. Breast implants gone wrong. and a shocking case of a very overweight youngster.

Look, it's Death from Sandman! How cute!

Personal Responsibility porn is a new fetish, not for me, but for many people. It allows us to get our lip smacking, and high horsing in, without considering any complexity. We all get off on lynching someone, and saying "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT". However, while that feels really good, I don't think that anyone is going to change because you just said "it's all your fault". But then again, doesn't it feel good to have the illusion of superiority?

My hero of the day is Jhonen Vasquez. Warning, this interview is hosted on Suicide Girls.com which might have pictures of naked girls if you dig hard enough.

Salads are not always healthy. Some people may say how can a salad not be healthy, but they are crazy. Salads are not healthy when you load them up with meat (especially fried), cheese, bacon bits, and a vat of dressing and mix it all up. The sad part is that the iceberg lettuce on which most of these sad salads rest barely has any nutrients at all.

If you want a healthy salad, load it up with veggies instead of meat and cheese. Don't just sit back and have to hear folks moralizing about how bad fat is. Step up, and shut those people up.

Fancy Lala Volume 6 or Shannon Finally Makes Good

Well, I finally received Fancy Lala volume 6 on Saturday. Instead of being charged a ridiculous $40 at Best Buy, I got it for $20 including shipping (although that wasn't the cheapest price-but Deep Discount DVD was out of stock) I made good, and the DVD was as good as I thought it would be.

I really like Fancy Lala, because it's a good anime show that doesn't need all that to be good. It doesn't need panty shots or violence or tons of bishounen or gay innuendo to be good. It goes on, is down to earth even with its fanciful plot (a young girl gains the magical ability to appear older).

An example of this is Miho and Taro's relationship. Instead of trying to shoehorn a romance into the story of kids, they merely grow closer, and there are hints about the future, but it doesn't try to make little kids be like adults. It keeps that integrity.

The end is also an example of this, although there are spoilers for the very last episodes following this sentence. Miho loses her sketchbook, but the story never loses its integrity. There is reassurance here and there- Pigu and Mogu live in all times, etc, but still in a pretty down to earth framework- the magic is gone forever, and Lyrical Pro is left with a mess on its hands. Miho tries to make amends, but her former co workers don't have a miraculous flash of insight, except for Komi, who has seen the Mysterious Man in his youth.

The Texas Democrats are my hero of the day. Instead of giving in to unfair tactics, and then crying tomorrow, they said "Hey, this is unfair!" and cut out. Some people may complain about this, but they were never the underdogs. This is the sort of initiative I can respect, instead of the initiative that most people follow- call people bad if they don't know what to do perfectly at every juncture.

This is a bad historical moment. It's so easy for us to race around saying everyone is bad nowadays, and now I just happened to be in my difficult college years when bad labeling is in vogue. I guess it does have benefits for the person doing the labeling, but our society can't really thrive if we leave the problems unsolved, because just saying someone is bad doesn't do anything.

For example, a depressed person isn't going to cheer up because you tell them they think too much. Actually, you'd make them more depressed if the crux of their problem was rejection by others. You may think casually sprinkling rejection is fun, but by making the problem worse, you have fucked up. So learn to have some sense, fuck ups. Thank you.

Today the link of the day is to the 34 Million Friends . Basically, their mission is to make up for the 34 million Bush failed to send to aid reproductive health in poor countries. While this service does not provide abortion, they provide contraceptives and help for complications in child birth. It's a good cause, and helps to nullify some of the damage that this Presidency has inflicted on the world.

Anime News Network gives some more Lala love. I can't wait til I get the final volume. It's shipping!

Today I woke up and was troubled by a painful memory. Since I did not cause the suffering of others, nor picked any unwinnable fights, which the outcomes were to be blamed on what a horrible person I was, the more steeped in American culture may want to step off and read someone else�s story about that fag they pushed to suicide, and what a loser he was.

Ok, junior year of high school, I of course committed the cardinal sin of being too trusting. Some may say you should always be trusting, but they say that to create more lambs for the slaughter. Anyway, me and an acquaintance of mine from class and clubs were in the same lunch period. Back then my clueless self was aware I could not sit with the pretty and popular or some of the snootier middle classes, but in my naivet�, I thought those people merely didn�t like nobody, and most others would have some sense. I mean, it was just sitting at lunch, for god�s sake!

So I sat with this acquaintance and her friends during lunch. At first, it was ok; I ate my lunch and mostly minded my own business, talked a bit. In my own eyes, I didn�t do anything objectionable, but one of my problems is that I have a hard time making up things to object to. If it isn�t hurting me or isn�t too too stupid, I usually don�t have a problem with it.

Now, one day, I was busy being clueless as usual and eating my lunch, which of course, made me an awful person. So I opened my mouth to say something. I don�t remember. I�m sure you�ll all say it was something foolish at this point, because noone could possibly been mean without some sort of motive. According to people who have never been hurt, pure uncalculated meanness doesn�t exist in this world.

Yet, it did. She said �Don�t you notice that noone listens when you talk? Nobody likes you� and something about how I should go away. No, I did not put up the sort of admirable fight people like to blame you for not putting up. Everyone else was silent, and silence gives consent. Remember that, teens, silence gives consent.

I did call her a bitch and continue sitting there a week in defiance. But I then moved to the library and suffered starvation after thinking it wasn�t worth my health for a lunchroom quarrel. I could eat during English, but in no other class. A year later, the girl dropped out, and I was slightly glad. The people who had tons of friends who wanted to sit with them who were in the same lunch, or those who never desired friends may wonder why I remember this story. I am glad you guys got the brass ring, and never had to work for it.

However, this story is a constant reminder of what I should not do. Whenever I want to give up to my trusting instincts, I remember this story, and how there is danger even in seeming safety. Maybe that is a good reminder even for those who were given the brass ring.

I sure every blog in the entire universe has a link to this, but the new twenty is looking pretty sharp.

Lipstick is my favorite cosmetic. Nothing is better than creating sexy lips with nothing but a swipe of the tube. It's portable, and I love to reapply. The sensuous feel of the lipstick on your lips is just addictive. Lipstick is fun, but I can't see how anyone could pay twenty dollars a tube for lipstick. I wonder what requirements their lips have that can't be satisfied with a regular three dollar a tube lipstick (and even that is a bit of a splurge for me). Sometimes a little splurge can be justified, especially if you want some specifically for women of color-noone wants to look wrong because the colors don't work with their skin tone.

Sequential Tart needs cash! They want to have a booth at a con, and an outreach program for non comics readers. Now that's a good way to celebrate your 5th anniversary.

Today I read Mars. It's the story of an art loving girl and a motorcycling 'bad boy' who fall in love. While it is lots of fun, with many semi melodramatic plot twists on the way, I do not think it will achieve the depth of a Paradise Kiss. However, not all manga must be deep.

I also read Between the Sheets. (which according to this link isn't out, but I bought it at waldenbooks? WTF? Anyway, it's not for kiddies, it has an 18+ rating for nudity and sex talk) It was a pretty straight forward story of a girl falling in love with her best friend. While it lacked subtly at some points, it still managed to tell a pretty interesting story. I think that reading it again would be interesting, because something in the character's psychology strikes me as interesting.

I am on a manga kick lately. I don't want to read a long book, but I want to be entertained. I'm so restless lately.

Here's a nice offshoot of Black People Love Us . Rent A Negro! Have all the benefits of having black friends without the hassles of learning anything at all! Another thing about race that pisses me off is that some people think that you're supposed to be this or that because you're black.

The sad part is half the time blacks are more worried about whether you're a 'real' black than anyone else. I think we could be doing better things than trying to hold someone into some little box. People act like race is some single state thing, but many black people in the states actually have white blood, while they are trying to go around acting silly just to fit into some silly ideal of blackness sold to us by the media and saying how evil whites are.

We should create our own ideals of what we want blackness to be, and mine surely doesn't inculde being materialistic or loud. Mine is the blackness of Toni Morrison and Richard Wright, two intelligent people who worked hard and achieved, and used correct English. I wish the media would push all the successful and intelligent black people instead of the ones who are ignorant.

I think I should try this again. Personal Responsibility is a crock of shit. My advice to everyone is not to forget the long and winding road between hard work and success. There are rain storms on the way and some people get tired more easily than others. Some people may not get there, and it isn't because they are just bad people or just lazy, it's because of bad luck or not having enough talent or not knowing what to do.

I'm sick of everyone thinking you are a good person because you are successful. There really are people who can just wake up, not do much work and succeed, whether they are 'good people' or not. People who are getting there or aren't striving for the same thing get the shaft. People can be good people despite whether they have success or not.

Not to mention, what ever happened to compassion and empathy? I'm not saying you have to put up with just anything, but there is so much more in life than just work hard and you'll succeed. You can do everything right and still fail. Not to mention, you will fail. Everyone fails in their life, so I don't see why some people act high and mighty just because they are having a good spell. I may be in college, but there are so many things that could be in the way of my goals.

I could end up working retail, and getting looked down upon by people who had good luck and think they are better people because they are successful. The world is so big and complicated, but here, we want to make it simple, we want to blame people. If someone gets lemons thrown at them, it's because they subconsciously want to be hit by lemons. I've said it once, and I have said it again. Being an asshole is a CHOICE. CHOOSE not to do it, and don't say that people choose to be victims. The fact of the manner is that you take away our choice. We can't magically not be hit, no matter what responsibility we take.

Today I will be bitching about our society's ideals. First take 'personal responsibility'. Noone could possibly complain about that, right? But most people don't use it to help empower anyone or move anyone up. They use it to reduce a complex problem to one that is simple- just blaming someone else.

For example, weight. It is certainly a fat person's fault if they are fat, right? Why don't they just eat less and exercise? That's all well and good, but some people just won't lose or lose so slowly that while they are losing the weight, you're calling them names. There are personal factors, but there are others too. For example, I am naturally skinny.

There are personal factors, I'm not denying it. I try to eat five servings of fruits and vegetables and not to eat so much horrible stuff. However, there are also environmental factors. I can safely run if I wanted to. I could get up enough cash to join a gym without causing major problems. I can afford to eat decent food and I can understand nutrition information (some high school graduates can barely read) and also through my education, I can tell healthy eating from fad diets. If I didn't have this environment, I either wouldn't know what to do or not be able to execute it.

Not to mention, genetics play a part. If I had a slow metabolism, I couldn't be skinny on just eating a little less. Note that this is a complicated problem- it involves socioeconomic status, safety levels, education, and many other things. It cannot be reduced to simply 'you are fat, therefore you are a bad person'. I think I need another whole entry to fully discuss this since it just scratches the surface of this huge subject.

Racism pisses me off. I mean, how is a whole race of people going to be to blame for what some of them did? Whenever black folks start to talk about reparations, some white folks will talk about how they don't need to pay for what some people who weren't even their ancestors did, but some will turn around and act like all blacks are lazy criminals.

How do they think blacks feel? I am going to college, and doing work, but I don't want to be grouped into someone's misperceptions based on what they saw on BET. When I was going to a college tour for the small private college I attend now, I was in a large group of blacks (yes, there is a minority college tour) and the whole group was waiting for the bus. So some morons decided to lock their doors, like a bunch of black teens could never be up to any good. I mean, no black teens could ever be anywhere for a good purpose, could they?

Sadder still is the fact that people think helping folks is bad because they obviously must be just lazy. Hard work is good and all, but if you don't have oppurtunity(yes, some people have less opportunity than others), you aren't getting very far. If you had the choice between feeding kids on Burger King wages or on the money you can get from getting a criminal, nuff said. Some people will just offer coulda woulda shoulda, but they'd be the first ones selling the rock if push came to shove.

So if you see negative portrayals of other racists or see a black person who is a fool, think of it like you would think if you would if you saw a white person in a negative portrayal or being a fool. The freedom of whites to just stand for themselves, and not have their actions stand for the whole race is a very important part of white privilege.

A link to the Viz Hana Yori Dango covers. (Although nicked as Boys Over Flowers) I am excited. Also spurring anime rumors, here. I need a job.

It seems that Macintosh's new iPod may be the wave of the future. Decent people can preview thirty seconds of a song and decide whether they should expend ninety-nine cents on it. Also, a Windows version of the itunes software is coming soon. That will be the big test-do people want portability and cheapness or just to rip people off?

A few days ago, I was reading a beach side novel about the dangers of unrestrained optimism. Confessions of a Shopaholic is about a woman named Rebecca Bloomwood, who has totally bought into the culture. Obsessed with beautiful clothes, she gets her self further and further into debt. At every turn, she believes that things will turn around. She could win the lottery, or do mail order frames for money or take a job in a shop although she has no idea about working in retail.

Basically, she does everything that a typical American (although she is British) would do. Instead of confronting her problem, she just ignores it and gets deeper and deeper in it. She doesn't seriously consider that her addiction could be ruining her life or attempt to take steps to stop it. Basically, while it is a silly book (I mean, it even has a happy ending), one can glean some commentary on the basic flaws of the Western Consumerism attitude.

Books For Soliders. Seems like a worthy cause.

There needs to be a support group for the non perky. Everyone seems like happiness fascists nowadays. Think positive, put a smile on your face, and similar patronizing crap runs amuck, and for everyone who simple cliches doesn't fix, there are drugs. However, what is one to do when they are not as depressed as not perky.

My 'mood disorder' is actually just having a different personality. I don't engage in positive thinking- I'm too easily hurt. (try believing that people are nice, kind and giving for a day) My moods naturally don't lend themselves to jumping for joy. Most of the time, I feel just fine, but not ecstatic. I personally think that I would be much happier if there wasn't so much insistence that you be happy or positive.

It's like a vicious cycle. The more people try to force me to be happy, the more depressed I become. If people wouldn't be so judgmental about someone not being happy all the time, I'd be a lot happier.

So please, examine your attitudes. The next time you're about to say some patronizing crap to your depressed friends, examine why you feel this way? Would you want to be insulted when you are sad? Why act like a jackass? Do you get satisfaction from being an asshole?

Here is a gallery of erection photos. It is good for men to not feel bad about their penis size, so this may be helpful. But warning, there are pictures of men without their clothes on. Oh no, call in the presses.