I find it hard to forgive others who want to take out their brokenness on others by ruining their lives. I have a hard time being patient with them, and will usually just cuss them out. I don't know why. I guess it's because when I take my anger out on others I usually just do something like toss my shrimp out in the public garbage can or cuss out mean people, not begrudge people educations, take food out of babies' mouths and crush women trying to look for some sort of justice in this world.

I wonder if I'm really upset about all the terrorism and think we should defend the homeland- i.e. that we need to circle the wagons and start providing for everyone. If we leave some people out, it's unstable and wastes resources. We need all the resources we can find to fight against terror- worrying about whether your doctor has the right skin tone seems like an empty mockery in this world.

In Britain, they don't censor the news. You can see people being rushed out with sucking chest wounds on the day of a terror attack. How many more attacks will we have to suffer before we stop trying to hurt our own people, and try to atone for the wrongs that may be causing this? After the election, I was healed by people saying they were sorry, and the others replying that they knew we did our best.

But can I really say I did my best? Can I really say I have no responsibility for the problems in Iraq? I really feel we could have averted that tragedy. I don't know how we can ever atone. If an Iraqi mother who has lost a child in all of this somehow spoke to me, I don't know what I'd say to her.

I don't know why, but I feel a vague survivor's guilt. So many people are dying, but I can't even get a good grade in methods, because I always forget to write down the serial number of my PDA or something. Oh yea, and I read this, and started to babble on my blog.