A huge problem with being sexyfun as this great blog post calls it is that when they branch out beyond their right to be conventionally attractive, and sexually performative, they are going to get the same push back that the rest of us get. It's easy for patriarchal and so called liberal men to be supportive of their feminism when it's about laying back and getting a hummer, but when they hear demands for them to provide childcare, support poor women or hold other men accountable, they may not push back by calling our sexyfun pals hairy(although I think it's silly to base your feminism around fear of being called hairy. Most people in this world are 'hairy' by our beauty standards. Basically, they call us hairy or frigid or whatever not because we are those things, but because we'll shut up and run around trying to prove we're cute and sexually fun if they call us that), but they'll be considered shrill harpies as much as the nonsexyfun.

And contrasting oneself as not like those bad other women who refuse or are unable to take part in the patriarchal sexuality games doesn't seem to be very effective or very feminist, so watch it,folks!

Well, I'm glad the pendulum is starting to swing back. Years after Seligman's insights, while correct and helpful in their way, were watered down into a list of 'shoulds' about how we 'should' feel, and how we are doomed, doomed, doomed, if we're unhappy. My moods, like many people's, are not completely under my conscious control, and I do resent being morally judged for it.

I don't think people are just trying to score points. People are truly hurt by our words and by being overlooked. No one's hands are clean, but I think the wounds are real. I'm reading Lost Christianities, and these bruising arguments, these virulent debates on what real Christianity is, went on for centuries, and in fact, are still going on today. I'm not saying feminism is a religion- what I'm saying is that forming an ideology is a painful, emotionally heated thing. We can't all fall in line. Our pains and our qualms, they are real. They aren't just 'scoring points'.