Redemption, my ass! I don't care if Rihanna was the most bitchy jealous whatever in the fucking world, there's no excuse for beating her ass. We are so quick to blame black women. We buy into stereotypes that we're violent, mean, unlovable, deserving of dudes whaling on us. If we 'forgive' him, what are we telling our girls? That they don't matter? Fuck that shit.

Dude, chica's working for free, and doing you a service. I mean, I'm not saying people should wear flip flops in a hospital or something, but really? You're slamming some college student who is working for free because they wore flipflops? You should be glad anyone can afford to work for free in your for profit office.

Oh hell naw, I'm not forgiving Chris Brown. No excuses for violence. No, she hit him too shit [and notice that his face ain't battered. If one person is beat down and another is just fine- that shit ain't 'mutual abuse'.] We need to stop saying it's OK for a man to straight out punch a woman. Why? Because when we say "Oh, he's young! Oh, we can't blame him forever', a less famous, but no less violent guy will think that sort of behavior is OK.

And the violence in our cities and our homes will get worse and worse, and we'll wonder why.

Yea, I've always been suspicious of pushes for more PE, because 11 year olds running around a track and being mocked for not being very good tends to turn those kids off to exercise. And the truth is that ok, as an adult, how many of you go out and play competitive sports? So the intense focus on whether you can sink a basketball or play baseball seems unwarranted. They should teach kids exercises and movement that they can do for life. And parents need to have a hand in this too. Never pull a gun or use threats about sports. This teaches children that sports are so important, you should be violent about them.

And I do think there should be more fun sports for teens and up. I stopped doing track in high school because the focus went from do your best to OMG, WE GOT TO WIN! Now, I suck at running. I'm slow. But I think that we tend to think everyone can become the best if they just try hard enough. Now, that's not true at all. But everyone can try to do their best. Nowadays I feel happy because I've just learned to hula hoop. Small children can hula hoop better than me, but I've just beat my record!

I'm amused by the advice that this dateless man gets- hey! get a mail order bride! and the like, especially as the media is obsessed with bashing attractive successful black women for not being married. While there are millions of men[ok. maybe just thousands- really really loudly] complaining about how they are 'nice guys' and why won't women look at them, the media tends not to focus on how those guys' personal deficiencies keep them from finding love. BTW- In The Upside of Irrationality, it is said that men tend to aim higher, such as a plain man trying for a beauty who is well established in her career, and often that's a problem for these guys, I think.

Now, I'd sure like a rich ripped man who loves books and musical theater delivered to me with a million dollars. But, due to social conditioning, I have learned not to complain about this not occurring. I know that it's unlikely to occur without effort on my part, and really, I'm quite plain, so I may have to go with a love of books and musical theater, and leave the rich and ripped at the door. However, despite my plainness and OH NOES BLACKNESS, I'm not going to date a homeless alcoholic with no teeth, like the media seems to believe I should. [because give him a chance! I'm sure he's good inside!]

Now, with men, people tend to encourage their pretension that unattractive and broke 40 something men with no game can somehow have any woman he wants. When that ends up not being true- there's backlash. Women are blamed for being materialistic, and amusingly, foreign women are tossed up as the answer to this issue. "American women aren't family orientated like foreign women!" they say. The fact is that American women who would love nothing more than to raise children and cook exist, but not just any man will do. The whole mail order bride thing trades on desperation of poorer people to make a better life, but I am interested that no one suggests that black women start engaging in green card marriage.

The upshot of this ramble is when women can't get the guy they want, they are expected to blame themselves[or others will blame them for them-therefore all those black women are awful for getting educations and stuff mess] and if men can't get the women they want, they are encouraged to blame women[in the original letter Cary Tennis tries to break the pattern in his own strange strange way]. So either way, women are blamed. Even if the problem is the guy smells like feet.


LOLZ- and this is funny tooo.

Apparently it's some sort of Helen Keller day, which Renee won't celebrate because it's also Juneteenth. Now being the sort of black person who only really knows about Juneteenth because every year the news reports "And in other news, African Americans enjoy Juneteenth", I am not too worried about them sharing the date, although it would have been nice if they said 'oh and it's Juneteenth too"

The real reason I bring this up is because I read a book, and want to talk about it. You can tell my blog is about my narrow interests,eh? I read The Imprisoned Guest, and thought it was a very well described history of disability through the prism of the education of Laura Bridgeman- apparently the first deaf-blind girl to be educated in America.

I really liked how the author described how Bridgeman had been as famous of Helen Keller in her day, but as she grew older, and was no longer the cute little girl prodigy, but a mature woman who it was harder to project one's own visions of purity and gentleness while suffering on, she became forgotten both by the public and her former benefactors.

The prevalent culture had an image of the pure suffering angel girl, but there wasn't a place for a disabled woman.

Also discussed is how the super crip model affected both of them. Laura had an insistent temper, and her own way of doing things. The author notes that passing as 'normal' had never occurred to her. Helen on the other hand did have the abilities to attempt to 'pass' as she had the energy to doggedly work at passing and the means to get very skilled tutors. I liked how the author notes that Helen Keller is a tough act to follow.

Many of us disabled can't be 'super crips'. Some time ago, I found an article on partial disabilities, but I don't have it now. Anyway, my point in mentioning this is that those of us with strong fatigue, or neurological issues may not be able to 'pass' at all, and this of course doesn't even start to talk about people with blindness or deafness or both. One of the reasons Howe[Laura's main benefactor] wanted to educated Laura was that educating a merely blind girl wasn't considered impressive enough.

I'm glad to know that Helen Keller was a socialist anarchist hero, but on the other hand, many folks right now need scooters just to go into the Borders, or we may be OK today to work but have to take precious days off because of our illnesses, and people don't understand.

Here I shall link to an unrelated post. Why? Because the title "Neighborhoods' is what got me to finally write this post. Basically, I think that a real cause of urban sprawl is that we think we can buy the sort of community we want. We think if we move here or there, there won't be any crime. That we can just buy good schools instead of creating them. We move farther and farther out, but we never find that place. And of course, with more and more people moving to the new 'perfect' place, we get sprawl. Maybe, we could start using the space and buildings we have now. We could build the communities we want where we are. Maybe if we didn't work a million hours a week for the perfect neighborhood, we could connect with our neighbors.

Personally, I got no sympathy for dude who wonders why Miss Flash doesn't do X, Y, and Z. She's got a full time job being hot, probably a full time job working, and dude's like "why doesn't she cook?". If you want a woman who cooks, prioritize that. If you want a hot chick, that's your priority. She may or may not cook. You can't just expect "she's a woman- she'll fulfill my every need without me having to say anything.". Ask her! All women are different. We all have our own lives, so staying home and cooking for you might not be a priority. Especially for fun loving party girl women. Maybe fun is a priority for them.

Also, I think the sort of dude who just flounders- we let them be like that. Women have a lot more expectations on them. It's like with the boys who don't do well in school tip. Now, I have the disorganized,fidgety, etc, personality that would be associated with a male, but since I'm female, no one says "Oh, we can't expect women to sit in a seat and learn things!" where with men,people act like boys are congenitally unable to learn how to do well in school.

Women are expected to grow up faster, and we grow with those expectations.

You know- what is it that sexually 'liberated 'folk have against the missionary position? It's a perfectly fine pathway to pleasure, and maybe even intimacy! Of course there was some good ol' hardy har har I really regretted having sex with an ugly woman, which has a nasty sort of tinge there, and I'm annoyed at the whole tone that suggests that help of any sort for people having sexual issues is just big meanies trying to cut down on sexual fun.

I'm annoyed because people do this all the time when we speak about psychological issues- they say "well, I've had a fight or two as a kid! Diagnose me with conduct disorder, hardy har har!" I think what people don't realize is with psychiatric diagnoses the behavior is extreme and life altering. With 'sex addiction'[not in the DSM 4 as a diagnosis, btw], we're not talking merely someone who gets it in the bar bathroom with some chicks every weekend, or someone who engages in sexual fetishism, we're talking the guy who gets fired from his job because he's been diddling himself with coke bottles and being sent to the hospital because of this. We're talking about someone who spends his life savings on buying sex work. We're talking someone who instead of using pornography in moderation rubs himself raw.

Most folks if their sex life is interfering with things dial it down. "OK, so having sex on that picnic table didn't go over well- I'll find some place more private next time" or "OK, I'll never stick that there again.". But the 'sex addict' for lack of a better word is compulsive. Many behaviors that in many people are normal and life improving can become compulsive. It's fine to overeat sometimes, but binge eating to the point you throw up every day is not adaptive. Shopping or gambling can be entertaining pastimes, but if you've spent your life savings on either one, they are no longer helping you.

So I can see why some people may go to self help groups to deal with these problems. It's free, and it might help. It's not a Christian plot to outlaw sex.

*Note- sex addiction is in quotes as I don't know what else to call 'those folks whose compulsive sexual behavior is hurting them and others'.

On Flip Flopping Joy, people are having a deep and intellectual discussion about Helen Thomas, the concept of home and migration.

I don't know this MIA, but this is a good blog post all the same.

Sistertoldya on feminism- personally I think it's sad that you gotta be a hetronormative girly girl to get a positive response to your feminism. What if she was scary,masculine...would that be too transgressive? Too frightening? Must be pushed to the margins to avoid scaring? Personally, they say they only like feminists if they are cute and submissive, but any actual feminism, no matter how much you shave and giggle, breaks that rule.


On the push to be ever optimistic, smiling and bubbly for teenage girls.

I think this suicide spike is due to the our busted employment system. Due to ageism, many can't get jobs- they become depressed, and that's all you wrote.

Market based solutions probably aren't very positive for most women. I'm sure the market is happy to discriminate against mothers, put harmful carcinogens in beauty products and ruin women's livelihoods by polluting everything, but that's not feminist.

I admit it- I'm a 'mean girl'. I think of course this insistance that feminists are 'mean girls' is a reinscribing of the narrative that women are mean and catty. I have to admit I am not an ever kind and giving person. I think feminism is an ideology. It is not synonymous with 'woman'. Just because someone is a woman doesn't mean that anyone should feel obligated to not consider their ideas on their merits. And Palin's hateful policies suck on their merits. Coopting feminism won't make her policies any better.

Quotes from the unemployment stack:

A good quote:



@alan: The cruel thing is, a lot of jobs like that really haven't changed in fifty years. Gas station attendants still have to perform the same basic function as they did the 1950s. Ditto cash-register folk. Ditto-ditto shelf stockers.

And yet the basic requirement of being human, able to breathe, and be somewhat decent with hand-eye coordination and some math has ballooned into being human, with X degree, Y telephone, Z e-mail, and to crown it off, a possible aptitude test and an interview where you get asked why you think you'd be good at being a freakin' full serve gas station attendant.

*rolling eyes lots now*


From imaginando-

In a current job posting on The People Place, a job recruiting website for the telecommunications, aerospace/defense and engineering industries, an anonymous electronics company in Angleton, Texas, advertises for a “Quality Engineer.” Qualifications for the job are the usual: computer skills, oral and written communication skills, light to moderate lifting. But red print at the bottom of the ad says, “Client will not consider/review anyone NOT currently employed regardless of the reason.”

The idea that cell phones make our poor 'rich' is demolished by a single screenshot. And also, Tvs? I see people giving TVs away for free[why? I'm in a freecycle group] and TVs are actually pretty important. Why? Because there's public health and whether that tornado is anywhere near your house information on TV. Air conditioning? In Memphis, it helps avoid being dead. Microwaves can be received from a thrift store or as a gift.

What should we do about the long term unemployed? Many of these unemployed 99ers have kids or health problems, and we can't just abandon these people who could be contributing to the economy. I don't think education is the be all for this issue- many people come out of a program- school loans, more bills, and folks will say they are 'overqualified'.

Really, I think our whole system needs an overhaul. Like some of the 'requirements' for employment are not really necessary- clean credit is not necessary to work at Home Depot! If it's a file clerk job- they don't need a BS degree! But also, people with degrees can work at jobs below their 'level'- it's ridiculous to worry that people are 'overqualified'. And don't discount the disabled! Deskilling and skeleton staffs can only falsely inflate profits so long. Then you're going to have to start to work on quality.

I feel bad about my lack of cooking skill, despite this not being the point of this post at all. The meals I can cook without a recipe are: bean tacos, spaghetti, nachos, salad out of a bag and sandwiches. I used to be able to make a stirfry, but I no longer remember how to make it. And I'm a middle class person with the privilege of the food network. It's not just poverty that keeps people from becoming the sort of person who makes shrimp lime cilantro salad... When I'm tired[and I can get tired doing maybe 3 or 4 hours of work], I don't want to eat my lackluster attempt at cookery. I want something fatty, something sweet, something delicious!

The 20 minutes to cook something just seems like more work than picking up something. I know that what I buy will be good, but I don't know what I make will even be edible. Now, I'm middle class- I can waste food, or if I mess up a meal, I can just go somewhere and eat something. I can also imagine that after a long horrible day, one would not want to eat whatever they could cobble together out of what is left in the pantry when they could get something almost filling for a dollar.

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You know, I thought of an anology. Woman friendly porn is to mainstream porn as these films by black queer artists are to Avatar. Consider.