Anime News Network gives some more Lala love. I can't wait til I get the final volume. It's shipping!

Today I woke up and was troubled by a painful memory. Since I did not cause the suffering of others, nor picked any unwinnable fights, which the outcomes were to be blamed on what a horrible person I was, the more steeped in American culture may want to step off and read someone else�s story about that fag they pushed to suicide, and what a loser he was.

Ok, junior year of high school, I of course committed the cardinal sin of being too trusting. Some may say you should always be trusting, but they say that to create more lambs for the slaughter. Anyway, me and an acquaintance of mine from class and clubs were in the same lunch period. Back then my clueless self was aware I could not sit with the pretty and popular or some of the snootier middle classes, but in my naivet�, I thought those people merely didn�t like nobody, and most others would have some sense. I mean, it was just sitting at lunch, for god�s sake!

So I sat with this acquaintance and her friends during lunch. At first, it was ok; I ate my lunch and mostly minded my own business, talked a bit. In my own eyes, I didn�t do anything objectionable, but one of my problems is that I have a hard time making up things to object to. If it isn�t hurting me or isn�t too too stupid, I usually don�t have a problem with it.

Now, one day, I was busy being clueless as usual and eating my lunch, which of course, made me an awful person. So I opened my mouth to say something. I don�t remember. I�m sure you�ll all say it was something foolish at this point, because noone could possibly been mean without some sort of motive. According to people who have never been hurt, pure uncalculated meanness doesn�t exist in this world.

Yet, it did. She said �Don�t you notice that noone listens when you talk? Nobody likes you� and something about how I should go away. No, I did not put up the sort of admirable fight people like to blame you for not putting up. Everyone else was silent, and silence gives consent. Remember that, teens, silence gives consent.

I did call her a bitch and continue sitting there a week in defiance. But I then moved to the library and suffered starvation after thinking it wasn�t worth my health for a lunchroom quarrel. I could eat during English, but in no other class. A year later, the girl dropped out, and I was slightly glad. The people who had tons of friends who wanted to sit with them who were in the same lunch, or those who never desired friends may wonder why I remember this story. I am glad you guys got the brass ring, and never had to work for it.

However, this story is a constant reminder of what I should not do. Whenever I want to give up to my trusting instincts, I remember this story, and how there is danger even in seeming safety. Maybe that is a good reminder even for those who were given the brass ring.

I sure every blog in the entire universe has a link to this, but the new twenty is looking pretty sharp.

Lipstick is my favorite cosmetic. Nothing is better than creating sexy lips with nothing but a swipe of the tube. It's portable, and I love to reapply. The sensuous feel of the lipstick on your lips is just addictive. Lipstick is fun, but I can't see how anyone could pay twenty dollars a tube for lipstick. I wonder what requirements their lips have that can't be satisfied with a regular three dollar a tube lipstick (and even that is a bit of a splurge for me). Sometimes a little splurge can be justified, especially if you want some specifically for women of color-noone wants to look wrong because the colors don't work with their skin tone.

Sequential Tart needs cash! They want to have a booth at a con, and an outreach program for non comics readers. Now that's a good way to celebrate your 5th anniversary.

Today I read Mars. It's the story of an art loving girl and a motorcycling 'bad boy' who fall in love. While it is lots of fun, with many semi melodramatic plot twists on the way, I do not think it will achieve the depth of a Paradise Kiss. However, not all manga must be deep.

I also read Between the Sheets. (which according to this link isn't out, but I bought it at waldenbooks? WTF? Anyway, it's not for kiddies, it has an 18+ rating for nudity and sex talk) It was a pretty straight forward story of a girl falling in love with her best friend. While it lacked subtly at some points, it still managed to tell a pretty interesting story. I think that reading it again would be interesting, because something in the character's psychology strikes me as interesting.

I am on a manga kick lately. I don't want to read a long book, but I want to be entertained. I'm so restless lately.

Here's a nice offshoot of Black People Love Us . Rent A Negro! Have all the benefits of having black friends without the hassles of learning anything at all! Another thing about race that pisses me off is that some people think that you're supposed to be this or that because you're black.

The sad part is half the time blacks are more worried about whether you're a 'real' black than anyone else. I think we could be doing better things than trying to hold someone into some little box. People act like race is some single state thing, but many black people in the states actually have white blood, while they are trying to go around acting silly just to fit into some silly ideal of blackness sold to us by the media and saying how evil whites are.

We should create our own ideals of what we want blackness to be, and mine surely doesn't inculde being materialistic or loud. Mine is the blackness of Toni Morrison and Richard Wright, two intelligent people who worked hard and achieved, and used correct English. I wish the media would push all the successful and intelligent black people instead of the ones who are ignorant.

I think I should try this again. Personal Responsibility is a crock of shit. My advice to everyone is not to forget the long and winding road between hard work and success. There are rain storms on the way and some people get tired more easily than others. Some people may not get there, and it isn't because they are just bad people or just lazy, it's because of bad luck or not having enough talent or not knowing what to do.

I'm sick of everyone thinking you are a good person because you are successful. There really are people who can just wake up, not do much work and succeed, whether they are 'good people' or not. People who are getting there or aren't striving for the same thing get the shaft. People can be good people despite whether they have success or not.

Not to mention, what ever happened to compassion and empathy? I'm not saying you have to put up with just anything, but there is so much more in life than just work hard and you'll succeed. You can do everything right and still fail. Not to mention, you will fail. Everyone fails in their life, so I don't see why some people act high and mighty just because they are having a good spell. I may be in college, but there are so many things that could be in the way of my goals.

I could end up working retail, and getting looked down upon by people who had good luck and think they are better people because they are successful. The world is so big and complicated, but here, we want to make it simple, we want to blame people. If someone gets lemons thrown at them, it's because they subconsciously want to be hit by lemons. I've said it once, and I have said it again. Being an asshole is a CHOICE. CHOOSE not to do it, and don't say that people choose to be victims. The fact of the manner is that you take away our choice. We can't magically not be hit, no matter what responsibility we take.

Today I will be bitching about our society's ideals. First take 'personal responsibility'. Noone could possibly complain about that, right? But most people don't use it to help empower anyone or move anyone up. They use it to reduce a complex problem to one that is simple- just blaming someone else.

For example, weight. It is certainly a fat person's fault if they are fat, right? Why don't they just eat less and exercise? That's all well and good, but some people just won't lose or lose so slowly that while they are losing the weight, you're calling them names. There are personal factors, but there are others too. For example, I am naturally skinny.

There are personal factors, I'm not denying it. I try to eat five servings of fruits and vegetables and not to eat so much horrible stuff. However, there are also environmental factors. I can safely run if I wanted to. I could get up enough cash to join a gym without causing major problems. I can afford to eat decent food and I can understand nutrition information (some high school graduates can barely read) and also through my education, I can tell healthy eating from fad diets. If I didn't have this environment, I either wouldn't know what to do or not be able to execute it.

Not to mention, genetics play a part. If I had a slow metabolism, I couldn't be skinny on just eating a little less. Note that this is a complicated problem- it involves socioeconomic status, safety levels, education, and many other things. It cannot be reduced to simply 'you are fat, therefore you are a bad person'. I think I need another whole entry to fully discuss this since it just scratches the surface of this huge subject.

Racism pisses me off. I mean, how is a whole race of people going to be to blame for what some of them did? Whenever black folks start to talk about reparations, some white folks will talk about how they don't need to pay for what some people who weren't even their ancestors did, but some will turn around and act like all blacks are lazy criminals.

How do they think blacks feel? I am going to college, and doing work, but I don't want to be grouped into someone's misperceptions based on what they saw on BET. When I was going to a college tour for the small private college I attend now, I was in a large group of blacks (yes, there is a minority college tour) and the whole group was waiting for the bus. So some morons decided to lock their doors, like a bunch of black teens could never be up to any good. I mean, no black teens could ever be anywhere for a good purpose, could they?

Sadder still is the fact that people think helping folks is bad because they obviously must be just lazy. Hard work is good and all, but if you don't have oppurtunity(yes, some people have less opportunity than others), you aren't getting very far. If you had the choice between feeding kids on Burger King wages or on the money you can get from getting a criminal, nuff said. Some people will just offer coulda woulda shoulda, but they'd be the first ones selling the rock if push came to shove.

So if you see negative portrayals of other racists or see a black person who is a fool, think of it like you would think if you would if you saw a white person in a negative portrayal or being a fool. The freedom of whites to just stand for themselves, and not have their actions stand for the whole race is a very important part of white privilege.

A link to the Viz Hana Yori Dango covers. (Although nicked as Boys Over Flowers) I am excited. Also spurring anime rumors, here. I need a job.

It seems that Macintosh's new iPod may be the wave of the future. Decent people can preview thirty seconds of a song and decide whether they should expend ninety-nine cents on it. Also, a Windows version of the itunes software is coming soon. That will be the big test-do people want portability and cheapness or just to rip people off?

A few days ago, I was reading a beach side novel about the dangers of unrestrained optimism. Confessions of a Shopaholic is about a woman named Rebecca Bloomwood, who has totally bought into the culture. Obsessed with beautiful clothes, she gets her self further and further into debt. At every turn, she believes that things will turn around. She could win the lottery, or do mail order frames for money or take a job in a shop although she has no idea about working in retail.

Basically, she does everything that a typical American (although she is British) would do. Instead of confronting her problem, she just ignores it and gets deeper and deeper in it. She doesn't seriously consider that her addiction could be ruining her life or attempt to take steps to stop it. Basically, while it is a silly book (I mean, it even has a happy ending), one can glean some commentary on the basic flaws of the Western Consumerism attitude.

Books For Soliders. Seems like a worthy cause.

There needs to be a support group for the non perky. Everyone seems like happiness fascists nowadays. Think positive, put a smile on your face, and similar patronizing crap runs amuck, and for everyone who simple cliches doesn't fix, there are drugs. However, what is one to do when they are not as depressed as not perky.

My 'mood disorder' is actually just having a different personality. I don't engage in positive thinking- I'm too easily hurt. (try believing that people are nice, kind and giving for a day) My moods naturally don't lend themselves to jumping for joy. Most of the time, I feel just fine, but not ecstatic. I personally think that I would be much happier if there wasn't so much insistence that you be happy or positive.

It's like a vicious cycle. The more people try to force me to be happy, the more depressed I become. If people wouldn't be so judgmental about someone not being happy all the time, I'd be a lot happier.

So please, examine your attitudes. The next time you're about to say some patronizing crap to your depressed friends, examine why you feel this way? Would you want to be insulted when you are sad? Why act like a jackass? Do you get satisfaction from being an asshole?

Here is a gallery of erection photos. It is good for men to not feel bad about their penis size, so this may be helpful. But warning, there are pictures of men without their clothes on. Oh no, call in the presses.

Here are some links about the bootlegging problem. This first one is a great rant, this one is about how you can tell a Ghilbi boot from a real DVD, and this is about the criminals you are helping by buying boots.

I'm torn on the digisubs debate. On one hand, I don't speak Japanese, and would like to see the newest most innovative anime Japan has to offer, as well as older, unrecognized gems. On the other hand, I don't want to support the bootlegger mentality that some people just deserve anime for free.

I go with half measures, mostly, only getting unlicensed anime, stuff that is not available here, and then replacing the copies whenever possible with real DVDs. However, I am fully aware of the thousands who are too lazy to pay for a $15 DVD and in fact bleat that it costs too much, yet they are able to afford nice computers and fast connections to download with. Even worse, in my eyes, are people who give money to Hongkong bootleggers. It's one thing to rip others off for free, and yet another to waste money on it.

Hongkong bootleggers also give rise to the 'I'm not paying for this again" idea, which is pretty bad. So maybe they are even worse than just plain digisubbers themselves. Another problem is that many anime fans are young and don't understand how businesses work. They think that anime is beamed in from the sky by American companies. In fact, they have to pay to use the anime, and then pay to manufacture the disks, market them, pay voice talent and translators, and just general overhead. Not to mention they aren't getting as much volume as big box movie studios.

The character of fansubbing seems to have changed since I was a youth. Back then it seemed like groups were subbing to widen the appeal of anime and to work with the industry instead of against it. But nowadays, we have four and five groups that are subbing titles that have been liscensed from before they even were produced. So I don't know what's happened to the scene.

I can see the idea of spreading anime, but the problem is that many people are asshats and can not act responsibly. A problem with that is that things like this can't sustain themselves without money. It's not like comics where one person with a sharpie will always be doing them, it takes big companies and lots of talent to produce one 26 episode anime. I'd ask everyone to try to minimize the damage and buy what they have downloaded the whole series of, but people who would listen already do that, and people who won't listen, don't.

The word of the day is defensive pessimism. It may sound strange, but it really works. Think of the worst case scenario and find out how to avoid it. For example, if there was a test coming up, would you say oh, I'm going to ace it and not study hard, worry you were going to fail and thus study really hard or put panties on your head and race around the dorm? Well,...I think the second one is best, because you are in touch with reality. It may be cute to say you can change your reality, but getting something done often requires close contact with reality.

This site proves that maybe thinking happy thoughts doesn't cure depression, but bright colors sure do.