Support people in their desire to marry, and you support families. I'm sure there are hundreds of thousands of children living in gay homes, let their parents marry and reap the benefits. I am thinking of something amusing my mother said- my uncle is a preacher so he gets a lot of right wing claptrap, and on one thing, it was like Bush is against gay adoption, and mom was like are they gonna take the kids from the gay folks or something? Of course, she went on to spread some family gossip about who was supposedly gay even though they had kids, but at the time I was too young to really be like 'yea, that relative of mine is gay" but seriously, there are plenty of gay folks running around with babies and we need to be supportative of that. This has been a message that doesn't make any sense. But the Washington Post(may ask for registration) makes sense here: moderation is the key.

Also, the BBC has another fun man on the street discussion on "What is an African Dress Code?" Should it be suits even when it's boiling hot in Africa or should more traditional outfits prevail.

My computer is back up as far as I can see. Also, general themes in why I am fucked up:

1) Worry about the economy: I want a job that isn't retail so I won't be driven crazy by customers from hell, but how am I going to do that with all the decent jobs leaving?

2)Worry about how to balance what is supposed to be and what actually is: We're supposed to not care about what others think, but then we're encouraged to network. Huh? The customer is always right, but the customer is often wrong

3)Worry about the culture: There doesn't seem to be any room for someone who isn't a total success. You hear it in the rhetoric all the time- those lazy poor folks deserve their condition. But I'll tell you what, I bust my ass, and don't have half the success that some folks who are just coasting have

4) Worry about money: Nuff said

5)Worry about blame: we don't have partial blame in this culture. It is all the fault of the least poweful person. Like if it's 99% one person's fault, and 1% another person's fault, the least popular, attractive, mean, or rich of the two gets blamed

Also, if we change our brain chemistry, are we really the same people? I mean, death of the brain is the death of a person, so is change of the brain, change in a person? I'll have to think about this some more. I'm not really fond of cosmetic psychiatry, partly because I'd rather have people change the bad situations instead of just drug them away. Sure, many situations can't, and won't change, but I have hope. Of course, if you don't have hope, take a pill, not condemning you. Like, this culture has no room for me. I am not a very talented person, but I can't really take comfort in my tons of close friends or having a few crotchfruit either. Not to mention, I'm just smart enough to notice that everything might not be alright, and that there might not be a magical protecting field around me to protect me from bad stuff happening to me. But, people who believe that bad things only happen to bad people will put a lot of blame on me, so I am stressed. People are really stressful to me because you never know what weird ass shit they are going to take out on you. That's why my greatest fear is retail. You can't even say anything back! Oh, the ulcers and the lack of health insurance... I think I need to lay down now.

Honest does not mean rude. Like if I don't like what my mother is wearing, I don't say "YOU FAT FEEDBAG! WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT YOU'RE WEARING!!!" I say, "hey, I think you look better in X". I'm all hot blooded and fiery, but there's such a thing as tact and diplomacy, but that comes with 'growing up', and we have such a Peter Pan syndrome in America.Noone wants to have to be the adult- everyone wants to live the frivolous bubblegum life of a high schooler forever.

Growing up is hard. We have to delay gratification, we have to try to realize that others have valid feelings too, we have to think about things before we do them, and we have to think of others instead of only 'what's in it for me?" I'm not saying I'm perfect on those counts, but at least I recognize that growing the fuck up actually is a viable path in life. You see so many grownups just whining and bitching nowadays. We have what I call the diaper baby conservatives(not a mature name, but it fits) who think they are oppressed because "Waaaaah, we have to try to make society BETTER for people who are NOT ME! NO FAIR!!!" or "WAAAAAH! College professors have their own opinions instead of just spouting the Bush's party line!" or some other trivial complaining, while saying people with real oppression problems are just hysterical liars. ...I guess I should say, grow the fuck up!

Due to sucking, I can't study! So I'll talk about the new death. Back in the day, if you stopped breathing, it was it. And then, it was when your heart stopped pumping. But now, we can bring people back from cardiac arrest many times over, so that death is no longer the real death for us. Now, our death is brain death. I don't think anyone knows what it's like to be brain dead, but I'd think it'd be like a long dreamless sleep. I mean, your brain is dead, you can't think. But, in the future, if we can bring people back from brain death, what will be our death? Someone a long time ago said that the only thing we can truly own is our own deaths. But we can't truly own that- our deaths belong to our families- they can override a do not resuscitate order even, I hear. They decide when to let our bodies go and decompose. I have nothing to say about this due to lack of knowledge. Be sweet to your family, I guess.

I think this thing bothers me because it's like they can pretend to be oppressed when it suits them, and then just go back to their white privledged lives once the whining is done. People have died because of our civil rights problems here in America, and to mock them by pretending your whining has any real legitamacy. God, it bothers me. It's like pretending you are blind to get sympathy!

But seriously, there's a tension here. Like blacks aren't supposed to talk about oppression or they are race baiting or some other bad word, but the slight inconvience of having slighlty more black folks than is usual is somehow the end of the world. Not to mention they don't have any real solutions(the people talking class based aren't the people being attention whores or suing)

Unrelated, but I still want to type and not figure out paper topics. Dance improv is a lot of fun although I suck at it. We have a lot of talented improvers who have the musclar strength and flexibilty to do really good things. I really suck, because I'm really clumsy, but it's not that kind of class where you have to be good at it, so that's why I like it.

Also, I finally got my smaller button maker, and it's adorable! I have a lot of custom button orders!

Another unrelated thing here: a humorous entry in the debate over gay marriage.

And here's some authentic good news! Gays are getting married as an act of civil disobedience. People who are enduring real oppression, that of people who others are trying to deny the right to a governmental ceremony of commitment that also accords legal benefits, are saying we're taking the right, you don't give it to us. It's kinda like the sit ins of the 60s, except for not as revolutionary. I think it's great that they are bold enough to take their rights! They are not trying to make the straights not get married, they are trying to get married themselves. That's what many people don't understand- they think if one group gets rights another group has to give them up. This is ridiculous! Enlarge the pie, and everyone can get a piece. No use killing each other over the same half a piece of pie. For example, now that blacks have (mostly) civil rights and such, have whites really suffered? I mean, they didn't even have to give up their "I'm white, so I'm better than everyone else' attitude. Sure, some did change, but isn't that called personal growth? I totally don't get the perceived loss of power at all. It's just like if gays marry, the straights can still marry, so what's the big deal? People are all like "they asking for special rights!" I'm like WTF? They want to get married like you, so?

What an Uncle Tom(or whatever Puerto Ricans say). If I'm opposed to something, I don't take the money, you know? The Daughters of Norway have a college scholarship program, but noone is complaining. The German American Heritage Society of St. Louis has a sscholarship, too. NO PROTESTS. There's an Irish American Heritage Month! Oh my god! The horror! And there's a POLISH HERITAGE MONTH TOO!!! Of course, there are Polish heritage societies giving out scholarships too. Of course, and another scholarship for those of Polish American heritage. This of course is only a small sample.


You know, before I looked this stuff up, I thought this was just symbolic whining to give themselves something to do, but now I worry it might actually be racism. I mean, there are scholarships and heritage months for whites, but noone ever has a demonstration against those. William Jefferson Clinton himself signed Irish American Heritage month into status, so it's not like the government hasn't been involved. Of course, older wiser people may be like DUH, it's racism! But I'm all like oh, must not seem oversensitive,etc,etc... Man that was dumb of me. I'm sure we have all made similar mistakes in our youth, do forgive me. I think that republicans should censure those who associate with them but try to dredge up race hate. It makes them look like they condone it if they are just like wink nudge nudge. Of course, I'm operating on the assumption that republicans aren't inherently racist. A good way to make people stop thinking that is to suppress the elements that go around trying to scare whites and pit them against blacks. I know, it's easier for corporations to control you if you're trying to fight a scapegoat, but come oooooon.

This dude is extra on the ball about herbalife. At least I know what all those signs are from. I'm also curious about variations in chillness. Chill is a word I have appropriated. I mean 'accepting of differences'. Like some people can tolerate you sacrificing a goat, and others, well, blink the wrong way, and you'll never hear the end of it. I have no clue why this is.

I was reading about SuicideGirls and it seems like they aren't very woman positive at all! I expect a site to let the models control their own image! I'm glad I didn't buy a subscription- I don't want to support a site that exploits young women. This also brings up another idea- is there anything in our society that can't be bought and sold? Political ideology is often expressed on a shirt(I'm not outside the system, I sell buttons) which is sold, the idea of being 'green' or woman positive is also sold for marketing. There seems nothing that people can invent that can't be sold back to us. Unfortunately, I have no clue what to do with what I just said.

I think the Adjunct is right about how people view college students as basically unmolded clay, even through students have agency. For example, I am a college student. I read some articles about the litigation explosion, some with a conservative slant(too much litigation hurts corporations,etc), however, just because I read it doesn't mean I believe it. For example, I thought 'personal responsibility? but don't companies have responsibilities too?' And this ability is not limited to liberals- I'm sure conservative college students can do this too, just because your political beliefs differ from mine doesn't make your brain atrophy.

Sure, they might not be able to paint swaztikas all over the walls(sure, sane conservatives wouldn't want to engage in hate speech anyway, but there are dumbasses in every group) , and might have to defend their views instead of having people just blandly accept them, but wouldn't that just make them smarter? If they had to explain just why they think minorities are inferior, or that the US should not have liberty and justice for gays, wouldn't that just refine their arguments? Sometimes I read stuff I know I'll disagree with just so I can be more broadminded(usually the more sane conservatives, I'm not going to sit and read newsmax just so I can be balanced for fuck's sake), and it hasn't hurt me any, so what's the fuss?

Of course, I'm a little less worried about liberal students. Whatever he/she hears from the university, there's always the opposing mainstream(only white male protestants need apply) culture. However, it's really really easy to think that only white male protestants are important if you're one and everyone treats the concerns of white male protestants as central to life, and the claims of anyone else as only so much whining, especially if your only source is TV. The written word often offers up antidotes, but are they taking them?

I think it's sad that these guys have to try to prove their self worth by beating up on old men. I know many people can't think for themselves and take the whining to heart, but dudes, don't do it! It's not the Mexicans or any other group who are responsible for your troubles! You have to look beyond scapegoats and find causes. Of course, if you were that smart, you wouldn't be beating up old men.

But the mentality behind these attacks is pretty common. A bunch of people tell you lies about how put upon and discriminated against you are as a white man because big companies use cheap labor that is often coerced under fear of deportation, and you believe it- you don't have any sense of perspective at all- noone tells you about economics, or history, and you have no intellectual curiosity to reach deeper. I wish we all had some intellectual curiosity. Can you see how much better this world would be? So come on, read a non fiction, non rhetoric(both Al Franken and Ann Coulter are rhetoric authors) book deeply and carefully, or read a magazine that is not total fluff on the bathroom seat. Improve your mind!

I dislike racists. They seem like parasites to me. They soak up all the benefits of living in our ethnically diverse country, which the slaves built, and then want to bust the rest of us down to second class citizen. We don't deserve two milliseconds of politeness and respect! I mean, we're people with different skin color! The worst people are those who tie up the courts trying to bust us down, even if they benefit from what they are complaining about. They waste time and money on their dumbass racial vendettas. If they want to waste time and money, why don't they move to someplace a little less diverse like the South Pole. I mean, we don't make them live in America, which they are steadfastly trying to ruin, despite our ideal of all men being equal, and by equal, I don't mean the status quo, I mean true equality. No more police murders, no more "waaaah, I have to respect you" whinings, none of that, and we're not going to get there by letting losers like that hijack our country, for it's all of us' country- the blacks and the whites, the gays and the Asians, the Indians and the Pakistanis, the native Americans and the people who immigrated from Canada, and it's the poor's country too, the rich already know that they control the country. If you take that way from America, what do we have left? We should try to strive for our ideal, and not make the mistakes of the past. Of course, people like this typically have historical amnesia...

Today, I marveled at the flexibility of this chubby girl in my dance class. While intellectually I know that fat people are perfectly able to move as gracefully as skinny people, you rarely see them portrayed that way, and of course, most chubby folks are a bit shy about their bodies. Of course, it's nice to see girls bouncing at a club with abandon, but truly free dancing(in a club, it's really confined and tight) is rare to see. I think everyone of every size should move- everyone would be much healthier, even if they never did get down to the 'approved' weight.

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Learnlink is what my school uses for internal email. Here's the story behind this message. I often get learnlink spam to go to boring parties or lame greek events. I don't like it, but I have to just delete it. But these particular spammers decided not to just email 300 or 400 people as usual, they decided to email near the whole fucking school. Then people started saying put me on the list, and others started saying take me off. But then it escalated! People started sending messages saying reply to sender, damnit! and more and more messages accumulated, then people started saying stop sending messages saying don't reply to sender, and it snowballed til we had this come to pass. The moral of the story is- the whole school doesn't care about your party. Thank you.

Also, I'd like to bring something to everyone's attention- the effect doesn't cause the cause. A common example is when someone is surly as a result of being dumped on all day, and someone says no wonder everyone dumps on you, you're so surly! A big problem is that we discount the effects the environment can have on people, somehow attributing super human powers to the will.

Some people are trying to 'save' Tokyo Mew Mew. While I personally think it's an insipid show with cardboard characters, the principle of the thing makes me want to say, hey, that's not right. The thing that makes anime popular is that even a kid's show that is basically just an ad for toys will at least sometimes try to have a bit of continuity, and maybe even some character development. I may be
blah at Naruto's flashback laden fights, or wonder how merely being genki(cheerful, healthy) makes you the most popular girl in the world, but at least one episode will try to follow the other, or maybe the characters will at least stay in character.

Also, while anime is usually created by a bunch of suits, at least these suits can make all pieces of the anime fit their effect. These suits are just fiddling around with another set of suits' work trying to make it fit into the poll of the day, and they don't have the freedom the suits did- they have to at least have a bit of the original animation in there, even if they change the dialogue and the music...

I was reading on fark about a study saying that optimism does not cure cancer, and the article linked was a little short, so I googled for more information. This report on another study talking about how optimism doesn't cure cancer talked about one study from 1989 that is often cited. I'm not saying that this really happens, but what prevents say, a self help book author from citing this study, and then citing other others that cite the same information and making a whole book out of it?

I mean, it's a tempting idea- our culture places a huge premium on optimism, and if it's good(as defined in our culture) wouldn't it be great if it was good for our health too? Something that is under our control, and not things that are really hard to control like whether cells have proliferated out of control and are using your bodies' own blood supply to grow. Basically we don't know how to cure cancer, and so it becomes so tempting to hope for more control over it. Also, see Susan Sontag's book Illness as Metaphor for a more intelligent view of this. While attitudes towards cancer have changed somewhat since the 70s, but it's still valuable.

Of course, the idea that optimism doesn't cure cancer is pretty intuitive- cancer kills you, not a shitty attitude. So remember folks, eat your veggies, exercise, and don't smoke, and don't eat stuff that has tons of carcinogens in it, and hopefully you won't have to worry about whether your attitude causes cancer or not.

Also, remember to use the gimp! I used the gimp and didn't have to brave viruses and had free software! The people who create the gimp don't care if it's free due to some stuff about open source, blah blah. Whatever, I managed to do some ok work in the gimp, and I'm the suck at everything.

Also, this pisses me off too. What gives them the right to just run around hauling people into court for attending a meeting? The potential for abuse is so large that it's just danm stunning. And worse yet, people will make up a reason to condone this abuse, and it could have dire consequences for all of us. Thanks, condoners, and fuck you. Also, the full story, spread out over four links.

To continue, I think the reason I am so angry is because there will never be any closure or healing like sexual abuse a long time ago. I'm not putting down sexual abuse, it's terrible, but the aspects I am comparing are secrets and shaming. The first comes because of the second. Saying "Oh, it's just fine to abuse you" or trying to find some reason that the person being abused was bad is shaming. It's like sexual abuse back in the day, because folks would be like "Oh, you're fast" "Oh, you're lying" Because others shamed them so much, they had to keep it a secret, and then they went predictably crazy. Of course, it would be too much to advise people to act like decent human beings to others for two minutes, because that's just soooo haaaard. so you reap what you sow, folks.

Also, I've talked about this article before, but there was an article in Bitch about domestic abuser survivors and the attitude that punching a woman in the face because she was slow with dinner is perfectly alright, because the woman must have drove him to such extremes with her horrid behavior. It was in issue number 22, which is currently sold out. Uh...well, it was a good article.

Also, if you know someone with complex PTSD(PTSD caused by a long period of trauma) attempt to get them help. I was reading this, and it seems like that shit would mess you up.

I am angry, and I want justice. People sometimes wonder why I can't be sweet, kind and gentle. This is because whatever else I may be, I'm not a total and complete idiot. If others are allowed to do whatever horrible thing that pops into their head, and you're supposed to be all sweet and gentle, you know what's going to happen? Slaughter. So no, I'm not going to disarm myself by becoming a complete and total idiot. People say "Oh, assume people will be kind and nice". Well, I'm glad that noone is ever mean to you, but I simply don't have that luxury. I'm too kind, actually. I give people one or more chances. It should be zero tolerance.

And no, I don't want to just forget it. I don't want to pretend it's all ok. I want justice. It's not like I want capital punishment for bullies. I just want people to adknowledge what they do is wrong. It's just so hard. People want to blame your reaction for causing it. Maybe I don't get it, but reverse causality isn't possible on this macro level of existence is it? The thing is that whatever I do to react isn't even a little bit as bad as what caused it. You have to harass me for months or years before you get a big reaction.

But I worry my fuse is getting shorter. It took me two years to finally go and whack a girl who had took it upon herself to insult me every single time I attempted to play a sport. You may be like "Oh, the poor girl! She simply couldn't help herself! Bullies are forced to bully!" and I say bullshit. She choose to open her mouth, and I believe, choose to accept the punishment. If bullies had more consequences for their actions, they wouldn't do it so much.

I think this whole thing has forever affected my temper. Maybe I was predisposed to a hot temperament, but man, am I firery now. Not as firey as my brother, as I require a bit of time to get really mad. But now it only takes about a month or so to make me filled with rage. Unfortunately, apparently others think it takes like ten minutes to get mad. I don't know about you, but I become angry within milliseconds, not long enough to think about getting mad.

My friend says punching pillows is good. While he has a point about temporary relief, the deep underlying anger seems to remain untouched. Maybe we simply have not found a cure for that- the long term deep anger that remains after years of torture. Some people may critize, but do they have the courage to express their anger in any other way than trying to find a weak target and then attack?

I may be pissy, I may not take shit, but I certainly don't go around being preemptely violent against people. (I mean emotional violence too). Yes, I have the courage to stand up, and say that as a result of people doing things that were not ok, and not right that I have become angry.

Also, here are some more bullying stories for the deniers. I wonder how anyone can deny it any more. The infomation is out there waiting for them, but people are so quick to say it's ok. It's sad.

This store reminds me of my English teacher in high school's daughter. She was a stay at home mom, and made soap and sold it at craft shows. It was really good soap. Also, another anecdote- once I talked to a guy who was Oxford at Emory's mascot. He said he got fifty bucks worth of beer money for like an hour or two's work. That's pretty sweet.

I find it interesting, that while some of the characters in Dazed and Confused comment on the stupidity of hazing rituals, it sort of reinforces the idea by portraying hazing as a fun happy little excursion into harmless fun, in which the hazer and the hazed make up. Too bad too many people won't be able to tell the difference between reality, and the glitzy world of the movies in which there is no problem that can't be surmounted, no harsh reality ever brings us down. Too bad,eh?

Here's the special superduper version of the Freaks and Geeks DVD set for those who can afford it. I wish I could! Also, James Kochalka is trying to become James Kochalka Superstar. Remember to display the flag right. Also, here are various webhosts of varying cheapness. Also, a look at people who whine a whole lot when they get rejection letters. Remember- the editor could have gotten the transplendent story of his life the same day your query/story/article/whatever came across his desk, and yours looked like crap in comparision. Or you could have sucked. Whatever. Also, Oscar's tool for crosspromoting link on ebay. Dirk from TCJ.com gets interviewed. This kitty needs a home...

Also, man this is terrible! Freaks and Geeks is avaliable for pre order! I'm going to have to save up 50 smackers! Maaan, I hope I can! But I feel very unconfident about getting employment nowadays despite all evidence to the contrary. It's just like woah, and I can't seem to do any work or clean up my fucking room either. And even worse, Fruits Basket is coming out in Feb, and so is Hana Yori Dango volume 4! It just never ends.

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<--The above policy doesn't seem to be on google's website, so a warning to people thinking about using Adwords, this is a policy. This has been your PSA for the day. Also, some people would say 'just change what you sell!" but my anyone but bush buttons are the only thing selling so...

This store has some awesome retro threads marked down. I can't decide between the red gingham and the cherries jubilee dress. Can't get them both or I'd be broke for life.

How can we turn the tides against anti intellectualism? I have no clue.

But I do know how you can avoid the awfulness of Cyborg 009! Don't watch this putrid piece of crap. From the five episodes I have watched, the plot seems absolutely generic- put some cyborgs together, put in some angst about being forced to become cyborgs, and mores the pity. The character are also cardboard- "Oh, look at me. I'm the Girl, I cry a lot, and also whine' "Oh, I'm the fire breathing one. I like food". Yea, I can't remember their names. Not to mention, in this marathon, I assume the episodes are supposed to occur in chronological order, but it was often hard figuring out how they fit together. Like at the end of one episode, they'd be at the bottom of a cave, and in the next, they'd be chilling at some old dude's house. Not to mention, the dialogue was complete bull- too much exposition crap. It was so bad, I assumed that it was some horrid American effort to cash in on the anime boom. but no, it's an actual anime. Don't watch!

A pet peeve of mine is when people trap you in a no win. For example, a no win for me would be someone saying "Become a doctor!". The reality is that I'm bad at math, I made a C- in Chemistry, that I don't even like blood, screaming babies or other gross things that come out of the body. Of course, a sane person wouldn't care if I did not just throw myself off a cliff when they say 'jump', because that's just the definition of a sane person- someone who has sense enough to realize certain things- such as reality. But others will get mad at you if you start invoking reality. So you're trapped- either ruin your life and your GPA or displease the person and get punished. Of course, I tend to lean towards the least punishment, but please, realize if you are doing this.

About reality- I know a guy with bad luck. I do not know him well, but I am curious about his job situation. You see, he was a CS major, so the job market bust was especially hard- since I'm a psych major, I don't really expect to be making anything or to get anything but scorn from the general populace, but it was different just a few years ago for CA majors. You could get your CS degree, get a job, and start being treated decently. Now it's bust. This guy has bad luck, remember? So he's working at Blockbuster so he can pay rent, but the Blockbuster he works at is closing. So what he'll do, I don't know. This has just been a slice of reality.

Also, panic attacks may be caused by differences in the brain, not by 'being a goddamned pussy"