Monday, December 18, 2006

Inspired by Pandagon: The College Woman's Heteronormative Guide to Fucking, Sucking, and Dating:

1)Have some self esteem. Never let some guy try to sweet talk you into having sex without a condom. Condomless sex can make a mere healthy sowing of the oats into medical bills and craziness. Don't do it! Also, you don't have to go for the first guy who comes along- if he's a jerk, dump him.

2)Signs of being a jerk: These aren't all of them, but these are some good signs. 1)He tries to shame you into doing stuff. If all the other girls do it, he can get one of them to. 2)He complains about your body. If he thinks you're too fat, too thin, or too hairy, he can go wank off to pictures of the perfect woman. Don't give him any. 3)He thinks that smacking you around is a good pastime. 4)He's always sleeping with dead drunk women. 5)Every single person he's been in a relationship with in the past is a crazy b*tch or a liar.

2)Know what you want. Do you just want meaningless sex or do you want a real relationship? Trying to get a guy who just wants a few thrills into a real relationship or trying to get the sort of guy who wants a real relationship just to give you the sausage is a recipe for disaster.

3)Good sense is imperative: Always know where you can get emergency contraception, always carry a condom, and it's best to use two forms of birth control, with one being a condom to prevent disease. Also, don't get super drunk. Never funnel alcohol, ladies. You could die. Also on that health tip, maybe you want to look into the cervical cancer vaccine?

4)Never date a rapist: If he's accused of date rape, stay clear! You may hear the girl is a slut, blah blah, but it's a red flag- either he is a rapist or else well..let's just say that it's likely he's a rapist, ok?

5)Dump that MF-er already- You don't have to put up with being yelled at, being stood up, having a guy flirt with tons of other chicks, guys who rate your blowjobs, or whatever. Dump him.

6)You don't have to do anything but stay (insert your skin color here) and die: If you're feeling kinda ehhh about something but think you have to do it because of other people, say fuck that! I don't have to do shit!

7)Your most important task is to work on you. Don't be babysitting some man or chasing after some player. Work on yourself instead.

Extra tips: Don't move to a strange city with a guy you've only met once or twice or have known for less than 2 years. Just don't do it!

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